“He picked me up,” I tell her and she says “Ooh! He picked you up?!” and both of us grin because we know – we know – the pickup is a pretty sexy move. We also both know that, while I may be many things, ‘small’ is not one of them. I am not easily pick-uppable. Nevertheless, this guy picked me up and threw me onto the bed. Hot.
Picking someone up is definitely a ‘headline’ move, isn’t it? Especially if the person you’re lifting is built like I am – I’m nearly six feet tall so I can’t remember the last time someone tried to pick me up when they weren’t either testing their strength or joking about the fact that it’s not possible. In fact, when this guy picked me up, my immediate reaction was not to purr in sexy appreciation but panic and worry: ‘shit, he’ll put his back out!’
But he picked me up anyway. And he did not put his back out.
It can’t just be my tall-girl-nerves talking: my much smaller friend agreed that the pickup is a headline move. So we discuss why there’s something about the pickup that gives us both that twirly-happy feeling, and I glow a bit to realise that I am now one of those people who has been picked up and thrown onto the bed.
I wear it for a week like a badge of pride.
He picked me up
It’s an odd thing to focus on, because I’ve never specifically fantasised about being picked up by a guy. It just hasn’t featured in the inner-monologue of porn that plays in my head when I meet someone new. I’ll imagine them grabbing me by my wrist to drag me to the bedroom like I’ve been naughty, pushing me down on my knees the second I walk in the door so they can fuck my face, or grabbing my hair and yanking me down onto their cock perhaps, but never the pick-up.
Yet the pickup got me twirly, and it gets the headline, because the thing that really stood out isn’t something that makes a good story: what I enjoyed most about that fuck was that his dick felt good.
It’s obvious to say that, which is probably why it never gets the headline. Why ‘he picked me up’ or ‘he fingered me so well’ or ‘he said this thing that made me tremble’ will always get top billing: they’re unique and standout and different. They’re things which someone can choose to do – active moves rather than the effect of simple biology and bodily arrangement.
But still: his dick felt good.
His dick feels good
It’s hard to write porn about the fact that someone’s dick feels good. In part because the act of describing someone’s dick will inevitably trigger insecurities: readers who don’t recognise their own dick in the description will worry that theirs does not feel good, because it’s nothing like the one on the page. As if there’s only one kind of dick that might feel good, and one way for two people to tesselate.
It’s also hard to write porn about the way someone’s dick felt because it’s far too simplistic. The hotness of writing a fuck usually comes from the tone or the flourishes: he said this, he did that, he fucking picked me up and threw me onto the bed. By comparison, telling you ‘his dick feels good’ is like reviewing a film by telling someone it had plot.
Still, although it would have made for a terrible story to my friend, it works for a blog because it isn’t true of everyone. Your dick needn’t be a particular size or shape in order for you to tesselate with me, and I’ve had incredible sex with people who did not, but it’s still worth noting that it’s a treat when you fuck someone who does. Whose cock just happens to touch the parts of you that feel best. Who fucks at an angle that doesn’t just thrill the nerve endings in your cunt but plucks the deeper notes that run up your spine and hum in the base of your skull. Who tips their hips when you’re grinding on top of them so you can get the perfect angle on the head of their dick sliding against the front wall of your cunt and it makes your thighs go weak and trembly.
A certain size or shape or girth is not necessary or sufficient for excellent sex, but still: sometimes someone’s dick just feels especially good, and that’s what stands out when you’re thinking about it later, even if it doesn’t work as a headline.
His dick feels really good, but I don’t tell my friend this because tesselation alone makes for quite a boring story.
But luckily, he also picked me up.