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On getting what you want

What’s the best way to get what you want? Anybody?

Well, there are tips and strategies to persuade and entice someone into doing something hot, but I’m surprised at how many people miss the crucial first stage in the process – asking for it.

I love a guy who takes control, but so many of the guys I’ve met are reluctant to take control verbally. They prefer hinting, or gentle persuasion, or gradual escalation from a gentle slap on the arse to a full-blown, knickers down, bent over the knee beating.

So tonight I want to persuade you to ditch the shyness, scrap the uncertainty, open your mouth and tell me exactly what you’d like.

Giving instructions is desperately sexy

Oh God please tell me what to do. When you’re horny and hopeful and desperate for something specific. Tell me what to do.

Kneel down.

Suck it.

Touch me here.

Hold this.

Sit on me, pull your shirt up, look at me, swallow it, roll over and pull down your fucking knickers.

What’s hot isn’t just what we’re doing – it’s that you so dearly want to do it. And what’s even hotter is that you like it – it makes you make little moaning noises and suck your breath in through your teeth and grip the bed and tense up and push your cock out further so I can keep doing what I’m doing.

So don’t just tell me what, tell me how. You want me to suck your cock? How? Do you want me to take the full length to the back of my throat until I make strangled choking sounds? Do you want me to suck gently on the tip until your head’s swimming and you can’t wait to force it more roughly inside me? Do you want long, slow strokes with my hand while I tongue the head, hoping for a gushing release that sprays into my semi-parted mouth?

Tell me.

There’s something stunningly good about someone who tells you to do things.

Help me help you

It doesn’t even have to be dominant – you can say ‘please’, and you can do it even if your partner has no submissive tendencies – the point is that I want to know that what I’m doing is getting you off. I can give you a semi-decent handjob that’ll give you a pretty buzz, but if you tell me what you like I can bring you off almost as well as you can do yourself.

A guy recently asked my advice in how he should tell his girlfriend she gave shit head. “Should I just be rude and come out with it?”

No – Christ no – don’t tell her what she’s doing wrong – tell her how to do it right. With words, with noises. Say “Oh fuck that’s amazing” if she does something good – nudge her towards the decent bits and away from the bad. Tell her you want a sloppy one, a hard one, a nice long slow one. Tell her.

Because the alternative is to have a partner who is constantly guessing, constantly unsure, constantly giving you the moves that her ex used to like in the hope that you have the same tastes.

And putting your pleasure to one side for a moment, if you don’t pipe up and fucking say this stuff, you’re also depriving your partner of the absolute, unending, shivering joy that comes from doing something she knows you’ll like.

“How about you sit in the bath and let me soap you all over?”

“Please will you hit me with this belt while I bury my face in your cunt?”

“Oh God, oh God, oh God, just please God let me fuck you.”

You see? Getting one’s own way can be as easy as opening your mouth.

Now pull down my knickers and fuck me like I’ve been bad. Please.


  • Charlotte says:

    yes. this.

  • bambiinboxes says:

    Now pull down my knickers and fuck me like I’ve been bad. Please.

    What I want to say to every guy I fancy.

  • Russ says:

    You may enjoy parts of Hope you don’t think I’m spamming :-)

  • TheComedian says:

    Having had surgery on my most sensitive of areas, and just generally being a little ill-inclined towards giving up control some of the time, I have been known to interrupt my lady-friends amidst oral encounters.
    For some time I overlooked the negative effect of this, and the confidence blows I was inadvertently dealing out by skipping straight to what I considered to be the main event, her.
    I have only ever come twice in my life from receiving blow jobs, and both times were a complete surprise. Due to this it’s been all too easy to write off the possibility of it happening and concentrate on other things.
    However, my latest partner has been very responsive to this tendency in me, and basically said straight out that she was a perfectionist, and wouldn’t accept doing anything less than a perfect job.
    As such she insisted that I gave her lessons in how to pleasure me correctly.
    Now this was not something I’d dealt with before. I mean, I’d been in relationships where I’d given vocal encouragement, and suggestive nudging exactly as you have suggested, but my lack of climax usually caused frustration before long.
    However, this girl requested detailed specifics.
    “How’s this for pressure?”
    “Do you want me to go down any further or is this ok?”
    “Would you like me to use more or less tongue?”
    “Which is better, the upstroke or the downstroke?”
    “How about if I put my fingers here at the same time?”
    This level of enquiry is not immediately sexy to some people, as we tend to put a lot of emphasis on spontaneity. However, if the concept of spontaneity gets in the way of enjoyment, then fuck it, because the result of this detailed survey was most certainly positive for both of us.

  • phreakboi says:

    something, that all my life id desperately love to be comfortable doing, but for the life of me, no matter how much i try i can never do.
    insecurity? maybe. i have and will stand on stage in front of hundreds of people naked without it ever bothering me in the slightest,in fact id barely recall it. I’m the Dj that was so infamous for being naked, and mouthy, demanding the crowd to dance, i got written up in various magazines. full on fight? no problem, I’ll stand there and face anyone. ultra macho arsehole, 100% mouthy overconfident, a prick in every sense of the word, but put me in the bedroom and I’ll panic. every insecurity i have will come flooding back to haunt me. fear of being told no? possibly, fear of rejection? certainly, hence why I’m so desperate to be center of attention socially. overcompensation you could say.

    It is however something I’ve always wished i could overcome. its wrecked relationships in the past. im told nothing puts a woman off more that having to guess if she’s doing it right.
    its not like ‘m even submissive. just painfully shy. and whining about it on the internet.

    i just lack the self confidence to simply ask for what i want.

    there was a point to all this, honestly, but i seem to have gotten carried away in the confessional, for a second i thought about deleting it, but hey, admitting to the problem is the first step huh?

  • This is a great post. My ex never gave instruction, he was happy enough but jeez he couldn’t TAKE instruction. This post applies equally to woman than men (you may already have covered that, Im a new follower). Why do people find it so hard to communicate their preferences? Perhaps its an age thing?

  • Justine says:

    So soul-destroying when you ask for an enhancement only for them to go huffy. I’d always been so careful to encourage the great bits and phrase it nicely…”this is awesome but if you did such and such I’d come in seconds” only to be ignored/sighed at. I struggle so hard to ask for stuff as well so it was a double blow :/

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