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On squeamishness about sex

We’re all squeamish about certain things – some people hate the sight of blood, others can’t cope with injections, or the possibility of disease, or unclean kitchen worktops. There’s nothing wrong with a certain amount of squeamishness, but I’m surprised at the number of people I’ve met who are – to one degree or another – squeamish about sex.

Sex, by its nature, is quite messy. Even at the most basic level (quick missionary hump for the purposes of procreation) both of you have to emit certain juices and fluids: sweat, jizz, quim – even saliva, if you’re feeling particularly romantic.

And so, unless you have a lot of equipment and a shedload of wet wipes to hand, when you fuck you’ll get dirty.

Ultra-clean sex and a tip for Dommes

If you want to avoid all possible sexual juices, the only way I can think of is to cover your partner head-to toe in a plastic sheet (ensuring that he has a suitable mouth to breathe through but, crucially, maintains a safe distance so that you can’t kiss each other) then stick his cock through a carefully-cut hole in the middle (protip: cut hole before cock is anywhere nearby), slip a condom on him, and hump away. Not particularly sexy, but it essentially eliminates almost all skin-to-skin contact. Were I a dominant lady I would certainly consider using this during sub play – you can have this idea for free.

However, although it’s excellent for people who have a fetish for sterile sex, it’s not great for those of us who revel in the smells and juices and general slipperiness of the whole scenario. To be honest, it’s not great for any of us if we don’t happen to have plastic sheeting in our sex toy drawer.

The point I’m trying to make is that we have to go to extremes to make sex un-messy, so any squeamishness we have about the exchange of particular fluids necessarily needs to be laid to one side if we want to really get on and enjoy things.

Let’s talk about menstruation

Number one (that number, for new readers, denotes the first guy I slept with) did not like shagging while I was ‘on.’ A couple of tentative attempts while I was bleeding lightly went OK, but an energetic, doggy-style hump during my heavier days proved disastrous.

Once he’d come, he pulled his dick out and made a slightly high-pitched squealing noise.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you OK? Oh Jesus, are you having a miscarriage?”
“I’m fine – what’s up?”
“You’re bleeding!”
“Of course I’m bleeding, I’m on my period.”
“But this is worse than that.”
“No it’s not.”
“It’s… it’s… it’s got chunks in.”

I calmed him down with tea, a cuddle, and a long explanation of the fact that yes, sometimes it has chunks in. We never did it again, and I spent a good few years avoiding sex during my period, worrying that the guys I shagged would react with similar horror upon discovery that menstruation isn’t just the occasional leaking of a thimbleful of blue water, but often a gushing onslaught of not just blood but genuine, honest-to-goodness gore.

It’s totally fine to be utterly disgusting

So what changed my mind? Because, of course, my mind has been changed: I’d no more refuse sex during my period these days than I’d give up wanking for lent. Period horny is the horniest type of horny. About halfway through my red week I’m jiggling my knee and rubbing my thighs together and picking the bumpiest seat on the bus. What changed my mind about relieving this urge the old-fashioned cock-based way (as opposed to the ‘frantic clit-rubbing under a duvet’ way) was a couple of other guys I met.

Poor number one was quite naïve about periods, and a few other things for that matter – he didn’t like the idea of kissing me after a blow job (unless I’d brushed my teeth) or even giving me head.  But his horror at the more slippery aspects of sex was by no means a benchmark for how every guy would feel. Although I have met guys since who aren’t keen on period sex, or oral, or indeed anything that might require a deep clean afterwards, I’ve met far more who could give less than an iota of a fuck.

In fact, for adult men, ‘on’ fucking has proved to be much the same as ‘off’ fucking, only with a towel put down to catch the drippiest bits. One guy went so far as to remove my tampon with his teeth during a particularly feisty session. I appreciate this. I don’t have a particular fetish for sex that’s blood-drenched – apart from anything else I simply don’t have the time or inclination to soak that many bedsheets. But I love the ‘I don’t give a fuck about your menstruation’ attitude that means I can stop panicking that the guy will get his dick covered and run out of the room squealing ‘why can’t you just be clean and sweet-smelling like the girls on telly?’

So if you’re squeamish, especially if you’re a teenage boy with limited knowledge of the mysterious workings of the female uterus – I understand. But I’d love it if you could lay a bit of your squeamishness to one side when you’re stripping down and getting naked with someone. What prompted me to write about this was a bit of browsing on ’embarrassing bodies’ forums, and other related sites. There are a hell of a lot of young girls and boys howling desperately into the online wilderness: ‘am I weird?’ ‘am I wrong?’ ‘am I grotesque and disgusting?’

The answer is almost certainly no, but it can be bloody hard to hear that answer sometimes. The sixteen year old version of me would have given anything to experience the genuine liberation that comes from realising that these juices I leaked and these noises I made and these weird spots that insisted on growing in seemingly random places on my body and subsequently leaking juices of their own: these things were pretty normal. Let’s embrace the leaking, juicy, weird bits of ourselves, love the leaking, juicy bits about other people, and commit to having some thoroughly messy sex.

Addendum, because I know I’ll get emails: if your period is especially painful, or you’re experiencing a significant change in blood loss and/or consistency, speak to a doctor.


  • Couldn’t agree more, and I while I know a few people who refer to that week as the “blow job” week, I’m just not that generous. If I am getting no pleasure for an entire week because of a hang up he has, he isn’t either. After all, that’s his decision.

  • Ash says:

    Serious question – is the labia, clitoris etc more sensitive when a woman’s on her period? I’ll explain why post answer (it’s quite a good story).

    • Bee says:

      Mine isn’t – others might be.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I suspect (based on evidence gleaned from asking a few of my friends about this) that it probably depends on the individual girl. I don’t think I’m more or less sensitive when I’m on, just more horny.

      • Ash says:

        OK here’s the deal.

        One time she dared me to go down on her during her period because apparently it was so sensitive the vibrations of my car were making her horny.

        So I pulled over and went to work, blood and all. Naturally she started going off, but being the legend that I am I kept on going until she came. And she was a squirter so yeah. Blood and cum all over my car. I thought it was awesome so I was wondering if there was something to this (the current special lady is also blessed with the ability to put out fires with her vagina).

  • freddy says:

    My first long term lover would allow me to lick her during her period but always with the instruction to ‘mind the string’.

    • TJ_Rowe says:

      IUD? I know that since my first one expelled itself during a period because the strings got tugged, I’m always nervous of anything going near there when I’m on. (The flow tends to mean that they don’t stay tucked behind my cervix like they usually are.)

      I also can’t be arsed with *excessive* mess, so I’ll tend to just hump without penetration and leave my knickers on during the worst of it (not as bad as it sounds – I often come from nipple-play). And I don’t particularly want to end up with more cramps to try to medicate away because his cock hits wrong…

  • DB says:

    I’m pretty sure the first time I had sex with a girl on her period, once we were finished I looked at the blood covering the sheets, her ass and my dick and I cackled. I’d slain the nymph, and it was fucking glorious.

  • Ian says:

    I’ve always been fine with the idea of sex while my wife is on her period, but she finds it icky as anything, so we don’t.

    Oh lord, this has just reminded me of the time when I was going down on her and didn’t notice I had a nosebleed. Now that’s not a story for the squeamish.

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    Apologies for commenting on this nearly three-year-old post, but I just had to comment on my amusement that you thought the ‘plastic sheet with a hole on it’ was an original idea. Yup, that exists, and has been used for many years by dom(mes) in just the way you describe here. ‘Not particularly sexy’ is a matter of opinion. :)

  • Dawna says:

    Because of pain, etc,whatever, I had things done and don’t even get periods anymore. But this is fucking amazing! The guy took your tampon out with his teeth! Holy fuckballs! I can’t even fathom!! My hormones are still intact, and there is still the time of the month when I just. can’t. get. enough. I wish I could have encountered some more of the blokes you have back when it was a “thing” for me.

    Also. I really fucking love your blogs. My favorite, by far.

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