Because you’re bored. Because you’re horny. Because you caught a glimpse of one of those pop-up ads and you can’t get the image out of your head. Reasons to masturbate? Because it’s Wednesday.
Because you have a day off work, and you don’t know when the cable engineer will arrive.
Because you got a new sex toy and you want to try it out, or an old favourite to get nostalgic with.
Because someone whispered a special trick to you and you need to see if it works, and then try it again – three times – just to make sure.
Wank because you like it, and you need no other reasons to masturbate, or because you don’t quite like it enough, but you feel like giving it another shot. Because it’s never compulsory, and that makes it much more fun.
Masturbate for half an hour, to make time go more quickly. Or do it for three minutes to break up the tasks that just drag on. Because it’s magic like that.
You don’t need excuses or reasons to masturbate – do it because it’s break time and you haven’t got a KitKat.
Because you’ve got a new phone and you want to test the video function.
Because it turns someone on to watch you.
Because it turns you on to watch you – sitting in front of a mirror, staring deep into your own eyes and pinching your nipples and holding your cunt until you come.
Because you saw a guy on the tube who looked like your ex and your gut hurt with lust for him.
Because you’ve a date later and you want to let off steam.
Because you shaved yourself and it made you horny.
Because the other day someone asked you what your favourite hobby was, and when you told them ‘wanking’ they asked you why.
Because you want to try it standing up, or on your front, or hanging naked with your head off the side of the bed for a rush.
Masturbate because you’re lonely, and it feels like ages since you’ve fucked. Because you haven’t seen that one guy in forever and those old photos give you aching memories.
Wank because there’s no food in the house and you want to take your mind off the hunger.
Because magazines and books and websites say it’s healthy, and you don’t care if that’s true but it’s way more fun than running.
Because you want to relive the time you got shitfaced on cheap margaritas and sucked his cock in a car park. Or the way he’d tremble when you told him ‘no’, like he’d die twice over for a yes.
Because… fuck it. Because you’ll never see him again but you miss the way he’d eagerly wrap his long limbs around you and wrestle you, panting, to the floor. Because that one time he buried his face in your knicker-clad cunt and declared you perfect.
Because you’d kill for another go – even just five minutes of the worst he’s got to give. A snapshot trip to the poorest of his excellent fucks, where you’d drink his piss like water and beg him to make you bleed. Because you suspect he’d embrace it and that’s why you’ve never asked.
Masturbate because those things you want may never happen but this, right here, this will. This moment with your hands and your memories and your bored, horny, time-killing lust, is the only thing you can really guarantee.
Because it feels good. And you like it.
Because you can.