On male sex toys, and judgmental Jezebel

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“Ever seen a blog post about a weird sex toy designed to simulate the feeling of a vagina and thought, what kind of a lonely fuck would use one of those?”

No, I haven’t. And yet the author of this Jezebel post clearly has. If you ask me that says acres more about the author than about the many hundreds of thousands of men who enjoy using sex toys.

Male vs female sex toys

I once wrote, and still firmly believe, that female masturbation began to shake off its unnecessary ‘taboo’ status when people realised it could be marketed. A girl furtively masturbating with her hand doesn’t make people any money, but a girl buying a massive pink dildo and telling all her friends how she’s revitalised her sex life is a great money-spinner. That’s not to say that it’s bad to make money off stuff – we live in a capitalist society and that is, by and large, what we do.

My problem, of course, was with the fact that although sex toys for women grew more popular, there was still a weird sense (particularly in the mainstream media) that girls just enjoying a good hand shandy was odd. Pink and packaged: great. Quick and dirty: bad.

Jezebel on sex toys

Apparently this has now been extended further – some people believe that while women who use toys are acceptable, guys who use toys are not. The excellent Tauriq Moosa pointed this out on Twitter by comparing the “lonely fuck” comment about men with a different Jezebel post on toys for women: spoiler alert, the one for women isn’t half as offensive.

I’m gobsmacked that Jezebel is peddling the idea that while female toys are good, male toys are dirty and wrong. The hypocrisy is quite stunning, not to mention the fact that it’s just plain cruel to describe any group of people as “the same chairsniffers who buy used women’s underwear off ebay.” That includes, incidentally, people who sniff chairs or buy used underwear off ebay – if it’s all consensual and they enjoy it, what’s your fucking problem?

Gents: please don’t listen to, or put up with this shit. You don’t need this any more than women need to be told that we don’t really enjoy sex, or that you’re only after one thing. It’s sex-shaming of the most pathetic kind – condemning people who do something fun just because you can’t see the attraction in it.

I love male sex toys

To answer the original question about a male masturbator that Jezebel posed: “what kind of a lonely fuck would use one of those?” The answer is: me. And quite a few of my friends.

Sadly I don’t have a penis, so I bought one (OK, two) to use on a boy. And, I cannot stress this enough: it was amazing. I cannot speak to how it felt, although despite him being a man of few words it was surprising how often he used the word “awesome.” I can speak to the effect on me, though – it was like giving a hand-job with superpowers.  The model we chose had a small hole in the end, which meant that when he came a jet of turbo-charged spunk shot directly out of it and all over my t-shirt. He apologised, which was obviously ridiculous because what had just happened was one of the best things ever. He enjoyed it so much that he used it later on his own. A lot. And ended up fucking right through the end of it.

Listen: they’re not for everyone. Some guys might hate them, just as some girls prefer manual masturbation to using a vibrator, or other wanking accessory. Some people genuinely don’t want to wank at all. But the bottom line is: just as it would be inappropriate of you to wank while hiding in your neighbour’s wardrobe, so it’s totally inappropriate for a stranger to stick their opinion into your masturbatory habits like it’s somehow any of their business.

To celebrate those excellent wanks with sheaths, masturbators, and other shiny penis toys, I asked Twitter, and some sex toy companies, to recommend a couple of their best ones. If you fancy trying it, pick one of the things below, tear open the package eagerly when it arrives, and have yourself a deeply enjoyable wank. For bonus points, please yell “Fuck off, Jezebel” at the point of climax.

Best male sex toys

Sextoys.co.uk recommends

The Fleshlight – “Original and best” If I were you, I’d go for the Flight Pilot, because it looks slick and cool.

Tenga – “Comes with textures you may never have felt before” and you can also get disposable ones if you want to try it out at a low cost.

Bondara recommends

Tenga egg – “A completely unique and explosive orgasm”

Fleshlight – “The industry leader”

Perfect fit fatboy extender – “Part penis-sleeve and part masturbator”

Twitter recommends

Head Honcho - “Tight and stretchy with unique textures”

Pulse – “A male stimulator that uses oscillations, and can also be used in couple play” – this looks quite unique.

Got any recommendations of your own? Please add them in the comments below! Links will get caught in the pre-mod filter so might not appear straight away but I’ll approve them as quickly as I can.

23 Comments

  • We completely agree that there’s way too much of a taboo on guy’s sex toys – especially those that are realistic. Unsurprisingly, when you look into the gay side of male sex toy sites, the content written is much more positive. Hopefully the ‘straight female mainstream sex column writer’ sect that is writing material like this will start to see the error of their ways.

    We love the Japanese ‘onahole’, especially those that fit into plus sex dolls. Our picks:

    Onaholes: Serika’s Tight Pussy, Senso Sapphire

    Dolls: Teddy Babes, Love Venus R Plus Sex Doll

    • Girl on the net says:

      Nice one – thank you for the recommendations! I think that the mood is moving slowly, and as a society we are becoming more sex-positive (or at least perhaps a bit less sex-negative) but progress is slow, and I think it’s important to challenge these horrible sniping articles when they come up.

  • Korhomme says:

    Tried being on the receiving end. Didn’t work for me :-(

  • Fiddy says:

    Never needed that stuff. Had my wife since I was 13-14. I don’t hold anything against the people that like that stuff though.

    • Azkyroth says:

      Um, GOTN’s boyfriend had her, and they enjoyed using one on him. The idea that men “need that stuff” because they don’t have/can’t get a partner is part of what we’re pushing back against….

      • Fiddy says:

        That was meant more in the sense of “I got my wife to use as a fuck toy whenever I want, I’m perfectly satisfied with this.”

        That, and the only toys my wife would use on me are stuff like her cattle prod or butt plug. And I’m not into that. ._.

        • Girl on the net says:

          I agree with Azkyroth – the word ‘need’ sounds a bit odd in this context, given we’re trying to kick back against the idea that people only ever use toys because they need them – and it does sort of imply that you only need them if you don’t have a partner to fuck, which obviously isn’t true. Sometimes, partner or not, some people just fancy an executive wank =) And girls too. I get what you’re saying, though, and I’m not going to come after you with a cattle prod, just wanted to clarify.

          p.s. I have clearly been tainted when I was younger by watching Bottom, but I can’t hear the words ‘cattle prod’ without thinking of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY4KVFrTJPc

  • Ay None says:

    It’s that same tired old stereotype, isn’t it? A woman who sleeps with lots of men is a slut, and to be shamed. If she stays at home with a vibrator then at least she’s keeping all that terrifying cunt power off the streets while she waits for the right man.

    A man who fucks lots of women, on the other hand, is a stud, and to be applauded. So if he stays at home with a toy then he must be some kind of weirdo. Two sides of the same coin, both equally bollocks.

    • Azkyroth says:

      If she stays at home with a vibrator then at least she’s keeping all that terrifying cunt power off the streets while she waits for the right man.

      Of course, it’d be better still to harness “all that cunt power” for renewal energy somehow. “Pink is the new green!” or something.

  • P says:

    Maybe JEZ’ feels threatened by the fleshlight and other such male toys! Funny she didn’t say much about the male g spot stimulators? But then I guess they are nothing like a vagina so no need to feel threatened. Just like some of the males out there who are intimidated by things that buzz and may possibly give the girl a more intense orgasm then they can.
    An electrician uses a screwdriver for his work every day, but it’s how the electrician uses his screwdiver that makes him skilled and good at his job!

  • H.H. says:

    I love that you are so advanced! Thank you!!!

  • Happy Wanker says:

    First, love your website.

    I love a good wank. I am 54, married for over 30 years, happily so. Lost my virginity to my wife when I was 18 and we married when I was 22. 3 kids all grown up now. I love having sex with my wife but her sex drive has become very low over the past few years. I’ve wanked throughout our marriage because I have always been more horny than her. She knows and doesn’t mind. These days she might give me a hand job once a month and I might get called upon to go down on her which I love doing a few times a year.

    I generally wank reading erotica and/or watching porn. Sometimes I’ll come in a few minutes but longer edging sessions of 2 hours are not unusual. She’s asleep next to me now and I might have a wank after this message!

    But to get to the point! Bought a Tenga egg a couple of weeks ago, got hard and lubed up and got “my egg on” … Haha. It was like being a teenager all over again – I came twice in 20 minutes. It was great fun, washed up easily and have used it a few times since. Not every time as I don’t want to lose the novelty.

    I have tried various other toys in the past and they have been useless. But I am so impressed and I am thinking of ordering a Tenga flip hole next!! I will report back if I do!

  • Mike says:

    The tenga 3d is also a brilliant toy, I advise spiral, it’s great, and also due to the stretchy nature of it it’s not bad for guys with the extra length.
    Ps, never been ashamed of using one, have suggested it to friends and work colleagues, trying to break the taboo on it from here.

  • Adam says:

    Waterwings.

    Seriously.

    Even better if you have anything approaching a PVC / inflate-thing, plus very cheap … Do yourself a favour; because they Feel Fucking Amazing. I always use some lube or moisturizer, but they have this amazing smooth grip once I force my way past the pressed opening. And then when the head of my cock reaches the other side it is like being in a tight, warm palm with even pressure all around. Then it becomes a game of how long I can go without wanting to pump away at it, to feel that grip descend again.

    The fluorescent colour isn’t ideal, mind ;)

    • Girl on the net says:

      OK, this has just set off quite a hot train of thought – thank you, kind sir. Now that I’m thinking about it, it seems obvious that these make for an interesting cock-hole. I might pick some up when I’m next shopping and see what the boy thinks.

      • Adam says:

        Good stuff ;) There are a few distinct kinds – single and double chambered, and there are ones which are “roll-ups” which mean that they inflate all around without the gap that you’d normally put your arm through. (“Zoggs” are the brand name of a “roll-up” pair that I have). They are well worth finding. I’m also quite into using them as novelty restraints if the arms are crossed (in front or behind) – two of them tightly inflated are not too heavy and have the advantage of going to skin temperature quickly and are automatically padded. Have fun experimenting :)

        • Sarah says:

          Maybe I have a really bad imagination, because I can’t imagine an armband that it’s possible to fuck in the way you’re describing. Then again, I haven’t used them since I was a little kid so perhaps I’m not familiar with advances in arm band technology.

  • emma says:

    I bought the lovehoney stroker for my boyfriend and he too managed to fuck right through it.. seems like it might be too enjoyable maybe :) looking into replacing it now so thanks for all the suggestions and let’s hope the next one is a bit more hard wearing.

    Love the blog as always, kinda consider it my safe space and this item is exacy why

  • I can’t say I’ve ever had a single orgasm while using a male sex toy, and my sex toy reviews do state that clearly, sometimes leading to the misconception that I don’t like male sex toys.

    This isn’t true. I do like sex toys, targeted at both sexes; I can’t say they work for me (I find them distracting, loud or painful in various ways), but that doesn’t mean I object to their use. I wonder if the author of the Jezebel article above considered the fact that it’s just a different form of masturbation. Advising men not to use their hands would be frowned upon even more, I think.

    The problem she appears to have is that male sex toys don’t look very good. That’s not true, either; some of them do. Considering how they’re sex toys, they’re not really going to look too great to begin with… but how does that affect their purpose, or how appropriate they are?

    Ridiculous.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I agree – I’ve checked out a couple of your reviews, and it may well just be that they’re not for you (or at least that you haven’t yet found a toy that is ‘for you’). I feel the same about certain female sex toys – can understand why people like them, and some I think are amazing, but they don’t always do it for me. I guess that’s why I’m a bit sceptical of toy reviews generally – they’re useful for info about e.g. size, texture, durability etc but ultimately no one cam say “this will guarantee you an orgasm so great it’ll blow your socks off”.

      I think some male sex toys look shit too, but was quite impressed with the simple beauty of some of them. Also, unlike female sex toys, the majority of them seem designed in colours that are more to my taste (i.e. black).

  • Alan coleman says:

    Lovenuff.com has a wide range of toys for men im sure you will find a toy to satisfy your needs

  • Sarah says:

    The only issue I have with these is spending £10 for a single wank. Seriously? If I had to buy a new vibrator for every orgasm, I’d go bankrupt or give up. If my husband wanted to try one I’d probably say “just don’t like it too much, we can’t afford it”.

    Joking aside, I think the fact that female solo play has to come with rabbits to be acceptable, while men paying for sex aids is mocked, says a lot about capitalism. Women’s sexuality is there to be exploited financially, but men are above that and shouldn’t be taken advantage of in order to cum. Perhaps the idea that men have to cut regularly and women don’t also plays into it.

    I also think that men are just more accustomed to their hands in general than women – they tend to start wanking earlier and are less likely to experiment with using other things until later (not always, but in general). I think most men, in my experience, like the feeling of their own hands. Women, however, often feel dirty about using their hands and it’s easier to use a device – a bit like shooting someone is easier than beating them to death with your bare hands, it creates distance and is therefore more sanitised.

    Lots of sociological issues here – apologies for the generalisations, just a quick overview.

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