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On what is not wrong with you, part 1: being fat

In our decadent Western capitalist society where you can buy chips for two quid or gym membership for fifty, it’s no wonder most people are a bit fat. And you know what? People who are a bit fat are sexy.

There’s a sliding scale: some people are so fat that sex without assistance is difficult, others have just a little bit of extra weight that is delightfully squidgy and fun to dig your fingers into while they’re frotting you excitedly. Hovering somewhere in between these groups lie the guys that I want to talk about.

I love guys who have a bit of weight on them – they make me feel small, and delicate, and feminine. Guys with bellies their trousers dig into, so I have to pull and rummage to get their pants off. Guys with arses you can grab and thighs like tree trunks. Guys who jiggle when they fuck you. Yum.

I’m not talking about guys who are morbidly obese – apart from anything else they’d be a logistical nightmare. I mean the men who look down sadly at their gut and think ‘no one will fuck me like this.’ Men who tip the scales at more than is healthy and have genuinely considered salad. This entry is for you – you massive, sexy, awesome, hedonistic bastards.

Skinny guys – don’t feel left out. You are equally loved, but this is not your time.

Today, I want to talk about why fat guys are great:

Fat guys enjoy things

There’s something about being fat that implies a certain ‘I don’t give a flying fuck’ attitude that is desperately sexy. Someone who doesn’t approve of moderation, who goes the whole way and will be my partner in crime when I want to have fun.

I want to be with a guy who orders lasagne, garlic bread and a side order of chips. And some onion rings. And cake for afters. And a triple whiskey. And chips. And more whiskey.

I want to go out with a guy who’ll down 8 pints then provide a solid mass for me to lean against on the way home.

I want to hang out with someone who’ll bang me til 2 am then suggest McDonalds breakfast in the morning.

Fat guys fuck harder

You wouldn’t make a sledgehammer out of balsa wood, would you? Exactly.

Fat guys are just… bigger

It’s obvious that they’re bigger, of course. But have you considered the full implications? Fat guys can lie on top of you and knock the wind out of you. Put more force behind their fucking (see above), pin you down so you can’t get up. You can sit comfortably on their lap and feel their erection digging into you without worrying that you’re going to snap them.

They can envelop you and crush you and squeeze you and make you feel tiny, delicate and vulnerable. They can fuck you hard and sweat hard till it drips into your mouth. They can take your breath away and give you something to hold onto and something to wrap your legs round and squeeze and touch and rub your face into.

And then afterwards they might buy you a pasty.

 

Postscript: The few times I’ve discussed this with people I’ve been met with raised eyebrows and skeptical looks. But bear in mind that one of the best ways to have brilliant sex is to find someone you like (in my case someone who is funny or clever or utterly filthy) and then show them the kind of enthusiasm that’ll have them jizzing themselves on the night bus home.

I’m not trying to persuade you to start fucking fat guys – but you might be missing out on some potentially spectacular sex if you dismiss them out of hand or, worse, imply that you’re out of their league. You call them ‘tubby’, I’ll call them ‘tiger’ and we’ll see who gets the best out of them.

45 Comments

  • Mags says:

    You ARE me. I’ll introduce you to my latest ex. You’ll love him. I still do. He is the kiving embodiment of awesome in every way.

  • Fat Tom says:

    Ok. That’s it. That’s enough. I LOVE YOU. Yes.

  • Ben says:

    What a delightful post. I’m fat and have always wondered if there was anyone out there who would not just put up with my physical appearance, but actually love it. I have quite specific kinks, to the point of obsession but it was always my weight that held me back from indulging fully. You’ve made my day. If only there were others like you. Or, if only I could meet you.

    • terry says:

      helloooo, there ARE others like her. and don’t hold back on those kinks, really. :)

    • Terry says:

      I came back because my on comment has been bugging me these past couple of days. It sounded like a preference or some kind of fetish. It’s no even that. It’s just as sometimes bearded boys catch your eyes, and sometimes it’s the ones with long hair, and sometimes it’s the tall, skinny guy, and sometimes it’s the guy with blue eyes, and sometimes it’s the fat guy, you see what I mean?
      Sometimes you just go WOW LOOK AT THAT GUY and then every physical feature on him seem to turn you on. That the guy is fat doesn’t stop that. Because of the reasons so graphicall put by this girl.

  • C.B.B says:

    I feel the same about chunky women. Not for the same reasons, obviously. I’ve never really thought about the whys and wherefores, so I’m not sure I could give you the rationale behind it. It’s just something inherently built into the part of my brain that controls wants. My frontal lust lobe. And I’m happy to leave it there.

    I don’t want women to be all straight up and down. Cuz that’s Boy shaped. And I’ve got my own one of those. Embrace your curves and wobbly bits.

  • Ben says:

    What a wonderful post! I feel the same way about women and I’m sure it’s not just me. I also know from experience that you are not alone in your feelings too.

    Sometimes I despise mainstream ‘culture’; I dread to think of the number of young people who have been taught that they must be stick-thin to attract someone.

  • L72 says:

    Excuse me while I do a Meg Ryan: Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES.

    Yes.

  • girlonthenet says:

    Hooray! Delighted that people agree – is nice to be able to look upon the diverse beauty of humankind, appreciate their profound and awe-inspiring differences, and then screw them into next week.

  • C.B.B says:

    Also. I wish I’d known this before. I wouldn’t have held my belly in when I took my cock picture :)

    • girlonthenet says:

      I should make it clear that it’s not a preference or a fetish – it’s simply a clarification. You can be how you want to be, but I wanted to make the point that fat guys are not by default unsexy.

      • C.B.B says:

        I get that, you beautiful person you. It’s just that now I know I could have breathed out and you wouldn’t have held it against me, is all.

  • Owen says:

    I wish I could look on the diverse beauty of mankind and feel anything but revulsion for anyone who isn’t female, 24, and rocking perky tits, perfect teeth and a Brazilian.
    Why no love for my people?

    • girlonthenet says:

      Hehe. If anyone genuinely felt like this they’d have my utmost sympathy – imagine only fancying one very specific type of person? A bit like having a fetish that only 5 other people share. *shudders*

      Having said that, perky tits fucking rock.

      • Owen says:

        Yeah, it’s shit, frankly. I’m endeavouring to fight my addiction and have recently started trying to date girls in their 30’s. It’s fine just up until a moment or two after they disrobe. Somebody help me.

  • Owen says:

    Body fascists have feelings too, you know.

  • A skinny guy lead me to thus blog and I’m so glad! Funny, intelligent, and honest. It’s nice to read that someone loves a body for what it is; and your statement that “…by default are not unsexy.” Great blog, I’ll definitely share it.

  • Bob says:

    Hurrah,chuck us a pie and throw me a woman who feels like you do. Men whether they like it or not can be sensitive creatures and prone to doubt. I am,i worry whether my not that huge but big enough gut would be as attractive as a shit in a paddling pool. I worry whether an arse that is more cess pit than brad pitt is a bad thing but no thanks to your post its ok i feel pretty good and in a bizarre way as though i could be sexy. So lets go on dragons den and ask for £60 to knock up some “I’d fuck a fat guy” badges and see where it all ends. And yes,the prev poster was right it can go both ways. Me and a dyke chum were discussing fantasy ffm threesome. Probably shouldnt name the celeb on here but my girl friends comment of “fuck yeah,she’d leave you bruised” pretty much sums it all up.

  • DforDerivative says:

    I bloody love your blog. Never fails to make me smile; so thank you for writing it. :)

  • freeqboi says:

    thank you. you may have made me that lil more confident with my gf tonight. she’d probablly thank you too. x

  • Stephanie says:

    Too many of us are made to feel unloved because we’re not anorexic twigs.

    Yay for REAL-sized people!!!!! (I’m one of them!) Be proud, be sexy, and go for what you want!

    I’m short (4’11”), and kind of “pear-shaped” and very busty and curvy (which my husband LOVES!).

    I’ve been incredibly self-conscious of my bit of tummy for years…until I met my husband – and we match up! Except that he’s 6’2″. (He towers over me, and makes me feel so safe!)

    I’ve finally learned that having a bit of tummy is something that is healthy, not to try and hide. Sure, ideally we would both like to lose a little weight, but there’s no sense driving ourselves insane about it as long as we’re medically all right.

    He calls me his “pint-sized sidekick”.

  • LeggoMyEggo says:

    Omg your writing is hilarious, I just subscribed. Thanks for the info though…I’m interested in this guy who’s overweight so I googled the topic and found your page. Thanks for the insight lol

    • CJ says:

      My ex was a skinny and vain asian girl who claimed to date athletes in college and that I was an “exception.” Long story short, if a fat guy gets a hot girlfriend, you better believe she’s going to get fucked properly every single time they’re together.

  • Ana says:

    Im a model and I’m only attracted to fat guys

    • Lee says:

      Better odds of us being at least grateful if not downright appreciative, right Ana?

      But I worry, is it the fatness itself, or the fact that you have the discernment to see the guy and not the cherubic roundness?

      Yes, I’m tubby. If a lady can see past that (and loves beards) then her sexyness is already confirmed.

      Please call me Tiger! So flattering :-)

  • whosaidjazz says:

    You’re amazing, I love so many of the posts on this blog but this one speaks to me somehow, I can’t think why…

  • Marie says:

    Great post! And I completely agree. My boyfriend now is on the skinny side and I think he’s absolutely gorgeous, but during sex it’s hard to not miss my solid ex, who was 5’8” and always hovering around 210 lbs. he had a great strong chest and arms but a nice belly. And sexy with a skinny guy is just not the same waaaah haha. I think that extra weight is fabulous – so long as a person tries to keep nice and strong. No need to be a body builder of course, but there’s something awesome about a strong guy who’s also a big guy.

  • Meredith says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I highly suggest every girl try to be with a big guy. He will steal your heart and satisfy you in bed every time. They will snuggle with you afterward and want to go again and again.

  • Ilovechubbies says:

    Holllllllly Girl you got to get you a man! A BIG man!

  • Look no Further says:

    Irish Fat and happy, who wants a pasty? Serious though, good post! If you say you live in ireland, im coming to meet you lol

  • Dave says:

    I don’t believe much of this. This may be true, when your +forty or late thirties. But, I’ve lived the pain of asking girl after girl out that are early to late twenties or early thirties. I actually listened to a phone conversation between a friend and a girlfriend(she knew I was in the room playing pong) about how me being fat was just her dealing with “the extra weight in her life.” I have not met any girl in my life that sounds like any words in this document.

    • Girl on the net says:

      So, because you haven’t met anyone who feels the same as i do, you think I’m either mistaken or lying about my own feelings? That’s odd.

  • The_a1_engineer @ Y says:

    Wow… I’m a big dude with a big belly. Been athletic all my life and strength train regularly. In all my life, down here in Miami, i’ve only ever met one girl that was like this. I was 24 at the time. I’m 31 now, Pretty much have the same build. I’m starting to think that there just aren’t women in Miami into guys like me. Women here seem more superficial. Good to know that there are still women out there worth looking forward to.

  • kamel says:

    I think I’m in love

  • ShinkenG says:

    Purely anecdotally it’s fairly common to see younger couples where the girl may be large and the boy ‘slim’ but rarely see a young fat guy with a slim girlfriend. Again, purely my own observation and the agreement of friends. GotN’s own postscript confirms the scepticism regarding fat on men and I think GoTN may be in the minority regarding fat men as sexy. Very little seems to get written about the sexuality or sexual frustrations of fat yong men so this is an interesting and inspiring piece. Fat young men don’t have it easy in regards to dating (yes,- who does) so this is a real pick me up amongst the dark corners of internet self loathing for fatties. There is a little hint of ‘dont forget he’ll be extra grateful’ – but to be fair that’s probably true.

  • MeToo says:

    Oh I can so relate to this!! I’ve got a friend of 8+ years that I adore having sex with. He’s not obese, but undeniably fat (I’m not and never have been. I’m the same size at 32 that I was at 18). We’ve just always had great sexual chemistry, from the moment we met. He’s my partner in crime; when we hang out my hedonistic side can run free and we indulge in good food, good wine, good conversation and spectacular sex. It’s in part because I’m so comfortable with him – he makes me laugh, he’s honest, playful etc but also because he tells me how sexy I am and how much I turn him on and he isn’t afraid to be a bit rough or kinky (which I like). I really like my independence, and I get that with him (many men become way too dependent/clingy for my liking). Plus I have a lot of responsibility at work, so it’s nice to surrender to someone who is more domineering in the bedroom… He also challenges me intellectually – we can spend hours talking/debating (or arguing). So I find him sexy for all of those reasons…plus I love cuddling him! He’s wonderful with his hands and so, so attentive as well ;) It’s funny, he’s gotten bigger over the years and whilst I can’t honestly say I look at him and think “yum” like I do with other men, there’s an undeniable attraction there regardless. Unfortunately we would be disastrous should we ever try to have an exclusive relationship – we simply want different things from life. But he’s definitely a sexual soulmate. And I have some of my hottest memories thanks to him! His size isn’t the reason I like him, but nor does it preclude me from enjoying sex with him. I wish he was healthier (for his own sake), but ultimately I love him exactly how he is… Fat or otherwise.

  • sarapallas says:

    Oh god yes. Yes. I love my ex slash current fwb because he’s solid and can envelop me (I am tiny, anyway), I’m not going to knock him over, he has moobs, and he happens to be excellent in bed.
    He’s also 21 years older than me, relating to your post about age.

  • Ace says:

    Thanks for this article… I am a fat guy… Felt so helpless in love, cause most of the girls often look on your physical appearance.. But becuase of this article, i had hope that one day i will meet my girl on the net. That one someone will know how fashionate i am for love and sex…

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