Life is hard and haunted. The world is a mess, I am a mess. But I cannot just focus on the darkness and the panic: in order to keep driving forwards through the tricky stuff, I need to fill my tank with occasional joy. So I text a guy I vaguely know and I ask him to bring me tequila. And his dick.
The dick part is silent, but I think he suspects. He’s due in a couple of hours.
When I meet him at the station he’ll say “Hey, how are you?” and I’ll tell him “I’m shit. But I’d feel better if you’d fuck me.”
Or “Better for seeing you tonight, mate. Can we fuck?”
Or maybe I’ll wait till he’s inside. Use the tequila to mix raspberry margaritas, and we’ll drink the first ones greedily, slugging down booze to take the edge off his nerves, and hopefully dull my brash, manic confidence.
He will not understand why I messaged him out of the blue, and I don’t think I really need him to. All I need is for him to say yes when I ask:
“Pretty please: will you let me suck your cock?”
I don’t know he’ll say yes, but I reckon he will. So I’ll take him upstairs and we’ll snog in that wet/messy way that you do when you barely know each other. Tear clothes off, find condoms, clash teeth and fumble awkwardly.
And I’ll tell him:
“Just fuck me. I don’t want to come, just please fuck me.”
I’ve touched his cock before and it was tempting.
Put your hands on my tits and my arse and round my throat.
Hold me distract me distract me distract me.
Tell me how you want me to be, and I’ll be it.
Let me spend ten minutes not having to decide.
Don’t be the man who tries to impress me, be the man who hears what I want. What I want changes each day but right now – today – I want a man to turn up at my house with a fat dick and a bottle of tequila and some basic knowledge of Magic: the Gathering so we can get drunk and play it once we’ve fucked.
I want him to be available and eager and nerdy and distracting. Someone who is not involved in any other aspect of my life. A man who wants to fuck me, but who doesn’t know why other than it makes a good story and it’s been a while since the last time he fucked. A man who wants to hurt me with his cock, and hold me in his hands, and give me joy that distracts me from the other shit that’s crumbling all around.
And after I’ve satisfied my cravings for his dick, I’ll mix some more cocktails and make pizza and show him this post, and ask if he minds if I publish. Then we’ll get drunk and play Magic, because that will help me to block out everything else.
If you’re reading this post, then all went according to plan. I had fun with a guy who was kind enough to respond to my random summons. A helpful, friendly, incredibly good boy who turned up and fucked some joy back into me when I very
Life is hard and haunted, my friends. But a man brought me tequila and his dick.