GOTN Avatar

Giving up bad sex habits

“What’s that?”

“A spreadsheet of my best wanking times.”

He didn’t even ask why. He just laughed, rolled his eyes, and then wandered into the kitchen to make coffee. But, for the record, I am compiling a spreadsheet of my wanking times, so that I can eventually graph the results and post a blog about it. Why?

I have fallen into a couple of bad sex habits, and I am intrigued to see whether I can get rid of them. The way I wank is one of them, and I might blog separately about the other.

The Doxy detox

After another midday wank that lasted approximately thirty seconds, and happened standing up, jeans around thighs, while I had one eye on my mobile because I was expecting a call, I thought to myself ‘perhaps there is more to life than functional wanking-for-the-sake-of-wanking.’ Don’t get me wrong, perhaps there isn’t, but I thought it might be good to give it a go.

My Doxy is without a doubt the best sex toy I have ever owned. It is powerful, efficient, and brings me to the kind of yelping, bedsheet-clawing orgasms that you think people in porn must inevitably be faking. Using it during sex tips me powerfully over the edge, until my cunt is twitching hard around his dick, practically ripping the rest of his own orgasm from his pulsing, startled cock.

Using it on my own, the Doxy rumbles happily against my clit for approximately sixty seconds until I reach a bucking, teeth-gritting satisfaction, before I toss it to one side like a neglected lover and fuck off to the kitchen to make a sandwich. It’s great. But perhaps a little too great. I realised, during that stand-up wank, that I’d forgotten what most of my fantasies are for. I used to paint elaborate scenarios inside my own head – build-ups with angry gents fucking me every which way, gang bangs with dirty talk, and military officers whacking my naked arse with a riding crop while they throatfucked me till they jizzed. With the Doxy, however, I have no need for these fantasies, and instead I tend to focus just on pressing it against me at the right angle, and quickly hitting the ‘off’ switch if I hear the doorbell ring.

There’s a time and a place for this, obviously. And I don’t think there’s ever a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to wank. But recently I’ve become pretty lazy and bored with any wank that doesn’t include the Doxy. While I’ve pretty much always been a speed-wanker, I have a vague recollection of a few languid, easy wanks I’ve had in the past – ones which last at least ten minutes and maybe even a fantasy or two. Masturbation where you’re doing something other than sprinting for a rapid finish. Not necessarily a marathon, but more of a dance – where you enjoy what you’re doing for the sake of doing it, rather than cramming all the steps into as short a space as possible.

So I invented something called the Doxy detox, which is pleasing in its alliteration but less pleasing for my greedy cunt, and I’ve sworn off using the Doxy to masturbate. For how long? For LENT. That’s right. The whole of Lent. That period of time when Christians give up sweets and chocolate and hand-fucking themselves into a glazed-eyed oblivion too.

The rules:

  • No Doxy, or any vibrating toys (although other sex toys are fine if I have the restraint to use them as playful things rather than magical insta-orgasm delivery devices)
  • No wank that lasts less than ten minutes. Judging by the spreadsheet at the moment, this one’s going to be a bit tricky.
  • For every fuck, a fantasy. So no masturbation which is purely physical, everything must have some corresponding delicious idea I can lose myself in – whether it’s porn or just in my head.

Bad sex habits

I have to add this final section, because it’s important to point out that what I might consider a ‘bad sex habit’ for me might be a stunning and exciting thing for you. I don’t think there are any ways of wanking that are inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – even a fifty-five second stand-up wank. But sometimes there are habits I fall into that I want to try and break. Sometimes I get in the habit of lazy shagging – same easy position, every night, until we’re both thoroughly sick of it. The ‘same position’ isn’t the problem, but the ‘sick of it’ is.

So yeah, while it’s good to do what’s comfortable, when what’s comfortable gets boring it’s nice to recharge. If you’ve got any sex habits you fancy breaking, or you’ve ever made a conscious decision to stop doing something in bed, feel free to join me. I’m going to be writing an article about ‘bad sex habits’ for the Debrief and I’d love to know your thoughts and experiences. Shameless plug, for sure, but it occurred to me that I know of a fair few people who’ve set themselves personal sexual challenges – avoiding a particular position they’ve become bored of, committing more time to foreplay or BDSM play that doesn’t have an orgasm as it’s core aim, setting aside specific time slots each week to spend just with a partner, avoiding porn or masturbation altogether.

Have you ever done this, or would you be up for joining me in a lent challenge? As I say – I don’t think anyone should ever feel obliged to force their sex life to conform to a particular model, but I do think it’s fun to reflect on what we really want out of sex, and how it fits with what we’re actually getting. And if nothing else, a period of abstention from my favourite sex toy in the whole world ever means that the first time I use it on Easter Sunday will most likely be the best wank I’ve ever had.

Tick tock

Yesterday I had a chat with my other half about the wanking spreadsheet, with which he’s developed a kind of playfully indulgent fascination:

“Time today?”

“Fifty-five seconds.”

“A new record?”


When I asked him what his record was, he paused for a long while, before gently explaining that, for him, it’s just not about efficiency – it’s about the journey to the end rather than the end itself. So that’s the aim of my detox. It’s got less to do with the toy itself and more to do with the attitude – for 40 days and 40 nights, I’m going to try and train myself out of the ‘sprint finish’ attitude. To spend more time with my hand down my pants, and less time with my eye on the clock.


  • I know just what you mean about The Doxy . . . so have found that.

    1) Abstinence certainly does make the clit grow fonder
    2) Variety is a girls best friend
    3) To linger is to . . . “Oh I LOVE that!!!”

    Xxx – K

  • Vida says:

    I’m kind of amazed. Mine take 15-20 minutes. But vibration never worked that well for me… I feel a bit deficient now, despite your disclaimers of each to their own. It would be so handly if I could come in a couple minutes. I’d be scared of getting electronic-dependent, too, though, so I think the Lenten Abstention is a good idea :)

  • Reading the part about your Doxy was like I was reading about myself. I’ve only just bought it though, so I’m not ready to give it up for Lent yet. Your recovery time after an orgasm is quicker than mine though, my legs are a bit shaky afterwards, no sandwich making for me! Good luck with your detox x

  • RichardP says:

    I have to agree with your significant other about the journey being more important than the destination.
    Hell if I’m feeling particularly decadent it can be nice to set aside most of an afternoon. This takes the right kind of stimuli and I find that certain video games can be really good for this.
    One’s with sexy content interspersed throughout so that I alternate between needing both hands to play and having at least one free to… Play.
    If I’m careful I can take hours to really enjoy myself and when I actually get there… Good lord is it incredible.

  • Jareth says:

    Oh hey! The first time I bought a bullet I had to do the same thing. I realized I was expecting a certain mindset to develop after coming from the vibe, and since I was using it so much the rewards were decreasing. I was getting utilitarian about it, and I didn’t like that. I made myself stop using it for a whole darned week and had to re-teach myself how to please myself with only hand and mind. The best thing I’ve ever made myself do, and still do to keep myself in form.

  • Ian says:

    I think I’d found myself with almost the exact polar opposite of your issue, my indulgent masturbation marathons seemed to be consuming vast tracts of time to the point that I began to worry about the amount of my life I was literally tossing away! My solution has been short sessions without orgasm, edging I guess, which means my cumulative sensivity as the days go by makes the sessions shorter and shorter. I not yet productively using all the time I’m saving, but still box sets don’t watch themselves!

    As for a lent challenge, I wonder if I could hold an edge for 40 days? I’ve managed 25 days before, so 40 doesn’t seem an unachievable goal…

  • Lola says:

    My Hitachi Magic Wand does it for me, but the trick is not squirting at the final fireworks!

  • Paratethys says:

    Now that’s you’ve put the idea in my head I’m DEFINITELY going to be doing something like this.

    Far too many, “well I’m a bit bored and the internet’s looking at me” wanks. I shall be setting aside time to do it properly, and drawing it out long enough that my cock’s still hard 15 minutes later. Proper wanks.

  • Good God! My mouth honestly, literally dropped open when I read the words ‘For LENT.’ The thought of giving up my Doxy for that long immediately made my cunt spasm with excitement at the thought of such denial and I actually went and plugged in my Doxy as soon as I finished reading your post! I know exactly what you mean though and I have thought about trying to use my Doxy less because it’s just becoming way too easy that I’m no longer taking the time to really enjoy myself like I used to. Even when I’m just using my fingers I’m for some reason trying to do it as quick as I can, I’ve got so quick now I can nip to the loo at work for a quick wank and no one notices…maybe it’s time I took a step back too…


  • Muffin says:

    Love it! So true, that I actually burst out laughing. I had to do a similar Doxy Fast myself last year after a particularly fantasy laden summer.

  • advizor54 says:

    I’ve given up chocolate, swearing, porn, video games, and bread for lent, but never masturbating and never my wife’s favorite vibrator (Lelo Gig) for that long. Of course, it doesn’t count if she doesn’t want to have sex, but that’s another post.

    i think leaving the Doxy for a while will be a good idea. Will I join in? Not today, ’cause my Hitachi just arrived in the mail last week and I’m waiting to take it for a whirl, in fact, I do need to take a shower….. BRB!

  • George the Giant says:

    I too keep a spreadsheet. Its for my filthy good times and the catagories of activities.

  • Jo says:

    Bad sex habit = not communicating explicitly what I’d like my partners to do, and (surprise!) not getting what I want because of it.

  • sarah says:

    i’ve never found masturbation to be a natural thing with me. left to my own devices i don’t have enough of a sex drive to wank more than maybe twice a year. once someone else gets my libido going, and more importantly keeps it going, sometimes i even get up to a couple of times a week! so i guess for me it would be more *taking up* masturbation for lent. if i believed in lent. and self denial. and so on.

    as for the doxy, hearing everyone in raptures about them i bought one but found it wasn’t anywhere near as good as what i usually use, an electric toothbrush with a condom and some lube over the head. i also have the same problem you started talking about – an obsession with speed, and i found that toothbrushes often make me come excessive amounts in short spaces of time, and this is just what i’m after. i tend to get bored really if it takes any longer than that. i’m so much a destination person rather than the journey, both orgasmically and with actual travel, and it does frustrate me that i’m like that but i don’t have the patience to try to change it… = ) so i guess it’s just bad habits all round

  • Pinkgilly15 says:

    For me this is so interesting. I love a long lingering hand waning. i also love the efficiency of the powerful life changing Doxy (made in the UK) a quickie or a lingering fantasy. I maybe have a good discipline with my sex toy use. A Few years ago I did struggle to orgasm without a toy I did made a concious effort to reclaim my orgasm for myself and my partner and I think stayed stayed with me. Good luck with mission Lent.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I think it’s definitely good to mix it up! If I’m having a good time (i.e. mentalhealth wise I’m OK and I’m not too anxious) then I can spend much more time on sex and wanking, and I feel more at ease taking it slowly. I think my main problem is that when I’m stressed it mostly manifests as a desperation to cram as much into the day as possible, hence wanking is reduced to a quick and functional thing (and sex too often). Which is.. yeah.. not good at all. This challenge was actually last year – and I didn’t succeed. I lasted about two or three weeks I think, then got stressed and brought the Doxy out again. I am still intensely in love with my Doxy though, so the fact that it works for me is a godsend in a way, because I think if I didn’t have it then there’d be times when I just wouldn’t wank at all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.