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Someone else’s story: How to sext

I think words are hotter than pictures. Words are spectacular things which, if you can bend them to your will, can make someone pant with desire or puke with disgust. Not everyone agrees: some people prefer images or films, but for me nothing quite competes with words.

Sad, then, that despite the fact most of us have devices in our pockets to send filthy words to lovers whenever we like, so many people forget the power that words have, and end up throwing out any old shit that just happens to be in the ‘dirty’ bit of the dictionary.

Today’s guest blog comes from a blogger after my own heart – SeasideSlut explains what dirty words do to her, how to use them best, and – crucially – how not to sext. If you like her post (and why the hell wouldn’t you?) check out her blog and follow her on Twitter for more.

Why sexting is hot (and how to sext well)

I’m an avid bookworm and lover of language, so I am very appreciative of the beauty and power of words. Combine that with my filthy nature and you get an overflowing porn bookshelf and a serious weakness for a well crafted ‘sext’.

When I was 16 I used to regularly buy and sell secondhand CDs from a mail order firm, and somehow managed to graduate from a friendly covering note to lengthy, explicit exchanges with the guy who ran the company. It was such a thrill opening the latest parcel to see what he’d written and I’d tantalise myself by re-reading his notes over and over. It emerged that he was more than twice my age and married, so it never went further than that. But ever since I’ve regularly used my imagination and vocabulary to get people off, and often they kindly reciprocate.

For me, the key is paying attention to the details, because it makes the image you’re trying to create so much more tangible. Which is more erotic?

“I want you to put your cock in my vagina LOLZ!”


“I’m lying on my back, stroking my slippery pussy lips apart right now, thinking about you. I want to trace my bare foot over your chest, watch your nipples harden, stroke them with my toes. I want to watch as your cock head slowly eases into my tight, hot little hole; listen to you groan as you push all the way in… my cunt is aching to be stretched and filled by your delicious hard dick, I bet it feels so fucking good…”

Of course there are pitfalls. You can’t see or hear your correspondent’s reaction to your messages. They might be eating their dinner or trimming their toenails while you imagine them writhing in lustful paroxysms. They might respond with a exasperated tut to the 50th cock picture you’ve sent them, rather than the moist glee you hope for. Or you might say something that actively turns them off and because you can’t see their look of horror/disgust/boredom, you carry on down that ill-chosen smut avenue and just make it worse for yourself.

I’ll take this opportunity to share with you some choice sexts I’ve received – these are of the unsolicited chat up variety from male admirers (spelling mistakes left intact):

“Do you have any Celtic interests, dark arts or any connections with north Spain, the Kings of Europe or romatic inclinations outside of the norm? Who knows where we may have met before.”

“hi i like tits”

“I quite like the way you’ve shaved your delectable cunt in a kind of Hitler style, it’d be worth the occasional journey to inspect it. I’d like to try and velcro various items to it as well, then pump you hard from behind, ripping them off at the moment of mutual orgasm, with the inimitable sound increasing the satisfaction beyond all measure.”

“Hey babe I know I’m young but I just want to say I thing your gorgeous for your age look at most 34 year olds they te ugly as guck and you aren’t babe xx”

“when I look at you I see a horny slutty cunt who needs a rock hard cock, I want you grinding my cock while I suck, bite & nibble on your big tits. But when it comes down to it, I might not be able to carry it out. That is why I prefer to do and not say what I will do.”

“do you work? my guess – a Model for lads mags? ;-)”

…I could go on. I don’t suggest that sexting is an alternative to experiencing the reality (although sometimes it can suggest a reality that will never actually exist). But I do think it’s important to remember that the brain is the biggest sex organ we all have, and by exercising it we can achieve unbelievable pleasure. If that wasn’t true, why would I repeatedly orgasm while I dream, with no physical stimulation at all?

So there you go – SeasideSlut‘s guide to sexting. I couldn’t agree more that brains are sexy. Although I’ve never been as confident on sexting as she clearly is, so I’m going to practice composing a sext or two of my own. If there’s one thing sexier than a brain, in my opinion, it’s using my brain to give a guy an erection on his way home from work. If you’ve any sexting suggestions, leave a comment. Crowdsourced boners are a good thing, right?


  • Oh hell yes. A hundred, even a thousand, times yes.

    “If there’s one thing sexier than a brain, in my opinion, it’s using my brain to give a guy an erection on his way home from work.”

    That pushes every single button I have.

    I have just committed the cardinal sin of text sex though. Literally, only a couple of minutes ago. I sent this: “I’m afraid I have to leave that to your imagination this time. I have too much work to do, though I would really rather be getting you off …”

    Which has to be a fucking huge buzzkill for the poor girl on the receiving end. (Honest though.) Thankfully, she took it in good humour and has gone to dig out a vibrator. Good on her.

    Sometimes it is the simplest of texts that work though. An amazing girl sent me this one last week and I cannot get it out of my head:

    “Don’t forget to tell me how filthy I am. x”

    I mean … it’s perfect. Just perfect.

  • Brian Shannow says:

    My favourite was the time I texted a girl I knew ‘sex?’ And she turned up an hour later.

    Brevity being the soul of wit and all that.

  • Hairy Highlander says:

    I’m a big fan of words too. Sexting can be a great way to build up the anticipation over an extended period of time, eg when both parties are at work during day. The excitement and frustration and desire increase with each text so that by the time you see each other, the seduction is already played out, and all that’s left if to rip each other’s clothes off and do the things to each other that you’ve spent the last several hours (days/weeks) texting about.

  • Sarah says:

    We recently went from never having sent a rude text to cheeky texts, sexy texts, filthy texts, shocking texts, full on filth scenarios by email, him listening on the phone while I did dreadful things to myself, and my showing him a close up of my dripping cunt over FaceTime while I watched his face. Grr. This happened over about five days, some of my hottest ever – and the sex we had after he’d revealed all his fantasies and got home after a week of no wanking was insane. We were a bit clumsy (I walked away with a fat lip, a carpet burn, bruises on my arms and bruises on my collarbones on both sides – I don’t find getting injured hot necessarily, but I’m very proud of my sex injuries, which are now just starting to fade).

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