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On the importance of looking the part

These wooly stockings available at American Apparel, in case you would like to buy some for yourself or a lucky lady friend

I usually rock up to dates in jeans. Jeans say ‘I’m not necessarily going to fuck you’. This might come as a surprise given that apparently I’m the sort of slapper who would solicit pictures of erect cocks via a mediocre sex blog.

But I don’t shag everyone – I’ll only sleep with guys I actually fancy. Wearing jeans as opposed to short skirts and hooker boots helps to reinforce the idea that we’re having a casual drink which might lead to sex rather than a swift half-pint and hello as a prelude to guaranteed sex.

But once the initial introductions and the first few shags are out of the way, it’s fun to surprise someone by changing from a scruffy, chubby, late-twenties goth figure into a stunning hellcat beamed in from the alternative sex dimension. Or a poor man’s version of it, at any rate.

Here are some clothes that are sexy:


And not fucking silky ones with suspenders either. Proper massive old wooly stockings (see fig. 1), that you can roll right up to the crack of your butt-cheeks and get on and off in less than 7 seconds. Stockings you can tear at without them falling to bits. Stockings you never need to worry about ruining.

Frilly/colourful pants

Proper pants as opposed to insubstantial bits of string. Burlesque-y. Lacy. Frilly. Pink. YES I SAID PINK. On the outside I’m grey and black and beige and denim and drab. But underneath my pants will usually be brilliant, with little pink hearts or turquoise stripes and bows and bells and whistles.

OK, maybe not whistles.


They frame the neck nicely, decorate my décolletage, make me look feminine and gentle. They also give you something to aim for when you’re jizzing on my tits.

Massive fuckoff boots

Look at me! I am gigantic, and my legs look shapely and brilliant! I will crush you beneath the heels unless you do me this instant! Boots rock. If you let me keep them on I’ll let you stick it wherever you like.


Tights, I mean – they make my arse look spectacular. These you can rip to your heart’s content because they never last long anyway. Reach up into the crotch, tear a hole in them and then slide my knickers to one side so you can touch my cunt. Mmm. Fishnets.


Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. You know how it’s lovely when you squeeze my tits? A corset does exactly the same thing, but harder, and more permanently. If I’m alone sometimes I’ll put one on, tie it nice and tight, and fuck whatever I have to hand until I reach sweating, writhing, deliciously restricted orgasm.

As an aside – gents – if I’m wearing a corset it’s because (brace yourselves) I want you to fuck me in it. It’s always a bit disappointing if I’ve got all dressed up and a guy wants to take it off – my slightly disappointing naked torso is never worth removing a beautiful corset for. So bend me over, grab hold of the laces, and fuck me like an 18th century chambermaid.


  • M says:

    “If you let me keep them on”. Ha. There are at least slightly heterosexual males who would prefer you to remove them as a rule of thumb? Really? *incredulousface*

  • Chaz says:

    I’m so jealous of you. I have very fat legs and can’t find woolly stocking to fit me :-( I bought over-the-knee socks from M&S and couldn’t get them past my calves! As I said, very fat legs.

    Following on the “very fat” theme, I can’t find a corset to fit me. I would love to be fucked in one, just once, but that’s unlikely to happen any time in the near future :-(

    • girlonthenet says:

      OK, this has been playing on my mind since I saw your comment. NO ONE should miss out on the awesomeness of being screwed happy in a corset, so here is a solution:

      I have no idea how big you are – most girls are generally less fat than they think, but if you are too big for corsets you can probably still achieve the same effect with a nice corset tie:

      i.e. rope bondage of the sort that feels just like a corset. Downsides: it takes fucking ages to learn and do, so you need a partner with a bit of patience. Up sides: you do it with rope that’s way cheaper than a nice corset, comes in a variety of colours, and can also be used for doing other brilliant things, such as threading through his crotch and pulled on during missionary-style fucking when he has a butt-plug in. Not that I’d know.

      You might have already tried this and think it’s rubbish, but on the off-chance that you haven’t: have a bash. At the very least it’s restrictive and brilliant. At the best it’s like being crushed by sex.

  • C.B.B says:

    Anything that makes a girl feel sexy is good for me. But two things from that list especially do it. The proper pants, as long as they’re are tight in all the right places. And the boots. Any boots.
    You used another word that always gets my attention too. Chubby. I like chubby. And chunky.

    I’m just happy that my penis knows how unfussy I am and will get hard with minimal effort or contact.

  • Davey says:

    you are so very fuckin hot, everytime i read anything you write, i get very worked up.

    much respect.

  • Fred says:

    *dreamy sigh*

    My first proper (for which read “more than just a couple of tonguey snogs and fingers in pants at a party”) girlfriend used to wear big thick wool tights or stockings, Dr Martens boots and shortish skirts, often tartan. Hey, we were indie kids in the late 80s, go easy.
    Anyway – the point is that HELL YEAH wool stockings and big boots DO IT FOR ME. In a big way. Especially teamed with a nice, easy to fumble skirt. Funny that 20 years later the same niche fashions have come around again.

  • Just wanted to say thanks for using the theme. This is the first Blog i have seen using my theme that’s out of the norm.

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