I love talking dirty. And I love it when guys dirty talk me. But it doesn’t happen very often, so if you’re nervous allow me to give you some encouragement and a couple of ideas…
There is a new (ish) porn phenomenon that I thoroughly approve of. It’s effectively a wank … tutorial… I guess. Search your favourite pornography site for ‘jerkoff instructions’. Ladies of varying descriptions (schoolteacher, nurse, psychiatrist, Mother, huge-titted slut) stare deep into the camera and tell guys how to wank themselves off. They use dirty, sexy, husky voices, and it’s brilliant. Why isn’t there a similar thing for girls?
Guys frequently underestimate how aroused I can be just by words.
Did you just tell me about a time when you fucked your girlfriend up against a wall? I am probably wet.
Did you whisper in my ear that you’re hard under the table and you want me to sit on it? I am probably wet.
Did someone within our earshot use one of the following words (regardless of context): beat, lash, whack? I am probably wet.
Words are beautiful. Talking is beautiful. Talk dirty to me.
But talking dirty is hard!
Fair point – it’s tough. As with most things, I thoroughly recommend playing jazz – communicate with the person you’re with and ask them what arouses them and what revolts them and trying to build your dirty talk from there. But if you just want some words to kick things off, try borrowing some or all of these ones:
Come here. Touch it. Fucking touch it. Yeah, that’s it. Wrap your hands right round it you filthy bitch.
Yeah, that’s it. That’s good. Good girl. Can you feel how hard I am? You did that to me you slut. Keep going – did I ask you to stop? – fucking touch it, you slut.
Now take off your pants. That’s it, take them off and let me see you. Take all of it off. Now get down on your fucking knees. I want you to suck nice and hard on my cock.
Stand up, turn round, bend over. All the way – grip your ankles.
You know what I’m going to do now, right? I’m going to fuck you. Ask me to fuck you. Go on – beg me to fuck you. You want this? You want this, you dirty bitch. Ah, you do want it, you’re so wet.
Oh, fuck that’s good. You feel so good. You’re so wet. I’m going to fuck you nice and hard and you’re going to stay quiet. Shut up. Hold your ankles, don’t straighten up. Oh fuck that’s good.
I’m going to fuck you hard and then I’m going to come inside you. No, you don’t get to come. God, that’s good.
Can you feel that? Do you like that? You like my cock nice and hard inside you? Yeah? Oh God, I’m going to come. I’m going to come right inside you. You. You. Dirty.