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On what is not wrong with you, part 4: your age

Background: A politician has been having a love affair with a young Russian girl, who was accused of shagging him purely so she could find out state secrets. Well, this week the courts ruled that there was no evidence that she was a spy – she just loved him.

Liberal Democrat MP Mike Hancock is a sexy man. Perhaps not to you, but he certainly is to Katia Zatuliveter.

For some reason we are aghast. We are shocked. We, as a nation, have risen as one and cried “WTF” at the sheer implausibility of someone who is young and (let me just get out my arbitrary ‘hotness’ measuring device) sexy falling for a guy who is – shudder – old.
We are so gobsmacked, in fact, that we believed her to be a spy.

She was a young, blonde Russian, for a start, so of course she was a spy. But more than that, she just had to be a spy, because the very idea that she would have been fucking an older man for anything other than money is just utterly grotesque. Awful. Unthinkable.

In his judgement (in which he allowed that Mike’s ladyfriend was, on balance, not a spy) Mr Justice Mitting concluded that “however odd it might seem, she fell for him.”

Odd indeed. Why oh why would a young (bring out the arbitrary measuring stick again!), sexy blonde fall for a beardy old Lib Dem? While you try to hold down the rising feeling of nausea at the idea of intergenerational relationships, I’ll throw out a few ideas:

Older guys are wiser

More years = more time to ingest facts and stories. Listen to an older guy talk and you’ll hear interesting tales and scintillating nuggets that, in turn, will help you to appear wise when you’re older. Just look at the weight of sexy knowledge contained within the brains of old dudes such as Ian Hislop, David Attenborough and Jeremy Clarkson.

Older men have more sexual experience

While they may still only do it in the same range of sexual positions as you’re used to, older guys have more experience and patience in bed. They are definitely more likely to make you come because they’ve had more practise at doing it.

Older guys have the aura of authority figures

Hi, teacher/driving instructor/angry army sergeant at a training camp for filthy female recruits. Older guys are hot because they can tell you off and have you really believing it. They’re a bit like dads, and therefore more likely not only to spank you like you’ve been very naughty, but also buy you ice-cream and help with your homework.

Absolutely none of the above

You know what I love in a guy? An awesome sense of humour, a filthy mind, a liberal outlook, a willingness to tolerate my excessive swearing. I am not generally bothered by his weight, his height, his body hair, or the year that happens to be printed on his driving license.

Maybe Mike Hancock is a great cook. Maybe he’s a brilliant listener. Maybe he’s sensitive, charming, funny and absolutely stunning in bed. Perhaps he makes her gasp for air as he rails her like a man possessed.

Just because we pick out one particular feature of someone (in this case his age) and dwell on it obsessively, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is the only thing that potential partners will focus on. And just because there is a huge difference in age that doesn’t necessarily mean that this girl has an age fetish.

Forget his age and appearance for just a fraction of a second, and consider that maybe, just maybe, she loves him because he’s great.


  • Dove says:

    Love it. Except… Jeremy Clarkson? It’ll take a while to convince me anything about him is sexy – especially what’s contained in his brain…

    • girlonthenet says:

      That section is supposed to be tongue in cheek. Although I suppose if I have to point it out then I have completely failed.

      I wouldn’t normally point it out, but I would hate for people to leave this blog with the impression that I actually wanted to do sex on Jeremy Clarkson.

  • littlepurplegoth says:

    Nailed… Although you left out the ‘more likely to be an excellent writer of words’. Or indeed that they may be more patient about getting you into bed in the first place… Cos that’s darn hot as well :-)

    And if the ‘older’ guy I know is reading (because I suspect you are, having pulled me up on something i posted re him in GOTN’s twitter feed!) Doing anything next week?

  • Jamie says:

    My CP just turned 60 (I’m 36) and that suits me down to the ground. He’s already been trained in the arts of pleasing a man sexually so he can concentrate on me without needing to be told what to do (men can be terribly… fumbling at times).

    But then “intergen” sex is hot anyway. Having an older bloke who knows what he’s doing doing it to you is bloody marvellous. As is being the older person and showing a younger guy where the parts are and what they’re for.

    There’s also a power-play thing: I’m generally submissive with an older guy but dominant with a younger one. I’d normally prefer to be sub, but it’s just very very sexy to turn the tables and be the dom “on top” now and again, telling him what I’m going to be doing to him and why and then doing it. That works so much better if the guy’s quite a bit younger.

  • Grizzlybaz says:

    Great post as ever GOTN. I’ll take comfort that I’m doing OK in terms of age, body hair and weight so far ;o)

    In all seriousness, though, what you’ve put above, is equally true of the younger man / older woman dynamic. When I was in my 20’s, I had a couple of casual flings with much older ladies, and I can honestly say they were amongst the hottest sexual experiences I had.

    Older women are great for a young man because they don’t generally mind if you fuck up – you are still learning, after all – and they will be an invaluable source of tips and tricks to improve your future performance. Ah, good times…

  • girlonthenet says:

    Cheers dudes – glad I’m not the only one who appreciates the delights of an older partner. Although I do sort of feel like I should say – the generalisations in the middle are not particularly serious. I think although there are certain things (position of authority, in particular, for me) that do encourage a certain attraction, I do want to reiterate that I don’t think rules such as ‘older guys are better at listening/more experienced/insert any characteristic here’ aren’t always massively helpful. They’re obviously not true of everyone, and also I wouldn’t want an inexperienced older guy to go ‘well, that’s me out of the competition, then.’

  • Dan S. says:

    How dare you approach such a cosily summarised story and completely change my mind about it using intelligence and insight.

    Seriously, this kicks ass. Its a better analysis of this situation than I’ve seen anywhere else. If I was an editor this would be straight in my paper and you’d be writing a weekly column that eventually gets turned into a book and then a series of films that start off well but then lose sight of the initial source material and become… Well you get the picture. I’m not an editor though, so I can’t.

    I do have to say it was a tough one to wank to though

    • girlonthenet says:

      Compliments make me go a bit awkward and blushy – but thank you!

      Also, point taken on the wanking. Will put my ‘filth’ hat on for the next one.

      • Dan S. says:

        No worries, I’m the same with compliments, I’d much rather be told to my face that I’m a useless cunt

        I’d prefer it if people could write compliments on a bit of paper and push it under my door when I’m alone

  • Kandy says:

    I’ve not heard of him before but I think he’s quite a looker. My only concern is that as I’m only 18, he would have significantly more power than me in any relationship we had. That is the only reason I would be very careful about dating a man so much older than me. There’s certainly no reason a man in his 60s can’t be sexy, fun and attractive.

  • Littlepurplegoth says:

    Lol. And when I left this I assumed he did read, only to discover today that he’d only just found you. Question is – will he find this addendum ? Eh?

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