One reason why your girlfriend masturbates after sex

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

Yesterday some poor soul wrote in to the Guardian to ask why his girlfriend masturbates after sex. His assumption was that it was because she was ‘insatiable’, and the agony aunt explained that perhaps she just fancied a second orgasm, or wanted to pleasure herself without the potential anxiety or pressure of doing it in front of him. My answer is a lot more sweary and pretty NSFW, but here goes: maybe the sex made her really, really horny.

I used to orgasm pretty easily when I fucked. It was one of my very few superpowers. In fact, I got so used to coming during sex that I ended up taking it for granted a little: assuming that every time I wrapped my thighs round a guy, it’d happen.

Like all good morality tales, my pride came before a fall. A course of SSRIs left me anorgasmic and worried about the impact of my fuzzy-brained sexual ambivalence in the long term. I’m off the pills now, and very much enjoying fucking again, but I’m still struggling through the anorgasmic hangover, to the point where it’s still tricky for me to come during sex. But if you think I’m trying to tell you that your girlfriend masturbates after sex because it’s hard for her to come during it… you’re wrong. That is certainly one possible reason – and nothing to be ashamed of on either of your parts. Sometimes your body just doesn’t do the things you want it to do, and you need to give it a helping hand. But although it’s an important thing to note, it’s not the primary reason why I masturbate after sex.

Why would someone masturbate after sex?

I may struggle to come but I certainly don’t struggle to get horny. I am frequently horny. I get horn over the weirdest things. Horn which causes me to run home at top speed if I think there’s a chance I’ll get to sit on his cock.

The other night we were fucking in one of my favourite ways. How we were fucking doesn’t really matter, but if you’d like the sordid details I was bent over and bracing my hands against the mantelpiece while my partner railed me from behind, pulling on my ponytail and whispering the kind of sweet nothings that my ravenously eager brain enjoys the most:

“Good girl.”

“Stay still.”

“That’s it.”

“I’m going to come so deep inside your cunt.”

You know: the usual. And perhaps it was the position, or the vigorousness of him yanking my ponytail to slam me as hard as possible onto his dick, or the specific combination of words said in just the right way but… I came! Go me! I came really hard, squeezing his dick tight with the over-eager muscles inside my cunt, squealing as I am wont to do: all the good stuff.

He groaned and fucked me harder: appreciating the dick massage that my vagina was giving him. And he kept fucking, for a couple more minutes, while I clenched and unclenched to try and tease another ‘oh God fuck yes that’s it’ out of his filthy mouth.

But here’s the thing: when you clench and unclench your vagina, around someone’s thick, hot cock, mere moments after you’ve had an orgasm… it often makes you want another.


I am having a really sexy time, I have just nailed an exceptional orgasm, and there is still a super-hot guy pounding away at me like it’s a punishment for being naughty. My vagina is not limited to just one orgasm – it’s another of my superpowers. And that combined with horniness means that if you continue to pound the living fuck out of me once I’ve come, I’ll probably want to come again pretty fucking soon.

And you know what’s hot enough to tip me over the edge? Feeling jizz pumping deep into my cunt. 

It might not float your particular boat, but for me it’d launch the QE2. So once my boyfriend has come, I grab a hoodie off the floor of the living room to cover me on the cold, naked run up to the bedroom, wave him a quick goodbye and then run full-pelt towards the bed so I can finish myself off with a Doxy and a dildo.

The idea that someone’s girlfriend masturbates after sex seems so routine/obvious/understandable that I’m genuinely surprised anyone would react with something other than a shrug or an offer to lend a hand. That this behaviour could be seen as bizarre or surprising –  or even indicate that someone is sexually insatiable – is fascinating. It shows just how much we centre the cisgender male experience when talking about sexual pleasure. You think sex is completely finished just because your dick squirted? Fair enough – pop off to the kitchen and make yourself a celebratory post-shag sandwich. But my body works differently. Imagine if your refractory period didn’t kick in the second after you’d jizzed. Imagine that it could continue to be turned on and feel intense pleasure even after you’d come the first time: wouldn’t you masturbate after sex sometimes?

So this goes out to the guy who asked why his girlfriend masturbates after sex. Dude, obviously I can’t tell you what’s in her head, but I can certainly explain what’s in mine:

Sex is sexy. It turns me on. And when I’m turned on, I wank.


If you liked this you might also enjoy Reasons To Masturbate.


  • Sara says:


    I’m always tired on Sundays because Saturday is date night for my girlfriend and I… and date night usually ends in sex. And the thing is, when it’s two naturally horny girls going at it then sometimes it’s tough to call time. Hell, sometimes some gentle post-sex kissing and cuddling turns into pussy rubbing and before you know it she’s on top of me finger fucking my cunt while my tongue hungrily laps at her clit.

    One time when I was ready to sleep, I felt the movements and murmurs of my girlfriend masturbating beside me… and although tired I rolled over, pushed my cunt against her leg and sleepily fondled her tits and just let her grind at my pussy with her leg while she got both herself and me off again too.

    And yes… those Guardian comments are tragic. The suggestion that a woman should be satisfied with one orgasm as if they’re rationed is preposterous. Masturbating is not indicative of failure to achieve an orgasm. Masturbating is indicative of sexual arousal – for whatever reason that may be.

  • Leafy Arms says:

    Yes. Thanks for articulating this.

  • Molly says:

    I read this article in the guardian and thought the very same thing…. then read the comments of people saying ‘classsic red blooded male not satisfying his woman’

    I’ve been reading your stuff for a couple of years now and love it and often relate to it! However, this time felt complelled to say SISTER I FEEL YA!

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    That antepenultimate* paragraph reminds me of the saddest question I ever heard about lesbian sex: “But… how do they know when to stop?”

    Funny at first, then sad when you realise what all the questioner’s sexual experiences must have been like.

    *(Yes, this comment was mainly just an excuse to use this word.)

  • May More says:

    Yes – thinking about it I would and do! I used to to be a “premature ejaculator” of the female persuasion! Now I am older it does not happen so easily for me – am having the best sex thou – so yep I get what u are saying and am with the program ;-0

  • Tim says:

    Sara Pascoe’s excellent Radio 4 show The Modern Monkey touched on this in the episode that was repeated on 4 Extra last night – basically going into the evolutionary reasons why after sex men just fall asleep while women are still aroused. Worth a listen.

  • Chiarodiluna says:

    I also read the post in the Guardian…ahh sigh….what this pointed out for me is how limited some peoples minds are when it comes to fucking and orgasms…mind this regularly happens when I read the Guardian and ‘Dear Mariella’, for me I like the post orgasmic shudders and if I can lie there and subject myself to the oh so sweet yet oh so torturous, over sensitive, body shaking tremors that in my opinion, are a nod to a job well done then yes get me there….this applies to him too…if I suck that bit longer, fuck that bit harder, or arhum cough just after and feel him shudder too then I’m nodding myself a job well done….and making sure every bit of juice is drained…well that’s just making sure there’s nothing wasted…*smirk….

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