Please never worry about your strange O face

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

I once knew a guy with the best orgasm face in the entire world. He really let himself go – screwing up his eyes, opening his mouth, and tensing seemingly every muscle he had. It was sexy, and utterly involuntary, as if his orgasm was being milked out of his dick even as he tried to hold it back. Hot as fuck.

My own? I have no idea – many’s the time I’ve tried to catch the look on my face at the moment of orgasm – usually when fucking in front of a mirror. Luckily, no guy’s ever caught me doing this. Unluckily, like Scroedinger’s cat, the very act of observing it will alter its state. Just as you can never take an un-posed selfie, so you can never look at your own face at the point of climax without either killing the orgasm or making subtle changes to your own expression.

I used to worry deeply about my orgasm face. Occasional comments from guys that I looked, you know, like I’d simultaneously been electrocuted and handed a winning lottery ticket, meant that I feared killing the sexiest moments with a face like the winner of a gurning championship. For some reason this occasionally translated into closing my eyes for a fairly large proportion of a shag. Like a toddler who believes they can’t see you if you can’t see them – I’d assume that my partner would follow the cues and close their eyes too.

Your O face is probably awesome

I used to prefer sex with the lights off – not because there was anything in particular I didn’t want to see, but because I found fucking in the dark generally meant the guys I was with would be more involved. Dirty talk, suggestions of new things to try, harder, filthier fucking: it felt like these things happened more frequently if the guy was lingering under cover of darkness.

What’s more, with the lights off, I didn’t have to show someone my O face. In the dark, buried face-down in the pillow – I could let go of any worries that I looked like a prize bellend and embrace the ability to crease up as I came.

This affected my choice of position sometimes too. In the kind of missionary position with a gentleman holding himself up on his arms and looking lovingly down at me, I felt like I should make sultry faces – get the blush on my chest that slowly spread to my neck, close my eyes seductively, perhaps curl a lip or even bite it as the first waves of orgasm hit. On the other hand, being fucked as I liked it best – hard, from behind, and with powerful hands pulling my hips back so they slam onto his cock – then unless there’s a complex configuration of bedroom mirrors, he’d be unlikely to see that moment when I turn from a sultry sex goddess into a zombie dog chewing angrily on a jalapeño.

What’s your orgasm face like?

It’s tempting to speculate, when a good friend takes a particularly delicious sip of milkshake, or gets just the right kind of jolt as they ride next to you on a night bus, that the face they pull at that moment is the same face they pull when they come. In my experience that’s bollocks, though, for exactly the same reason that you can’t look at your own O face in a mirror: any time you see anyone close their eyes in ecstasy, they’re usually well aware that they’re being watched.

Even in those hot porn videos where the camera is zoomed in close to someone’s face, watching the expressions they make while they masturbate: those people are still aware they’re being filmed, and unless they’ve managed to strip all expectation over what society tells us is ‘hot’ and ‘not’ (and if they have I’d like a few lessons please), then chances are they’ll be making a few changes. Don’t feel bad if this is you – few of my partners have ever seen my orgasm face in full and unedited glory. Just as none of my partners have ever seen the weird way I clench my muscles and do a kind of half sit-up when I’m having a wank (I suppress it when I’m with them in case they think I’m viewing the whole thing as a kind of incentivised workout).

Unfortunately, paranoia about what I looked like meant I missed out on those moments when someone else really let themselves go. Sure, you can turn the lights off or change position to prevent someone else seeing you, but you also prevent yourself from seeing all the brilliant expressions and hot things that their face does when they come. Seeing someone’s unedited, screwed up, totally-uninhibited orgasm face is one of my favourite things – like hearing them sing full blast in the shower when they don’t know you’re at home, or getting to watch them masturbate like they do when you’re not watching.

Perhaps it’s something that comes with practice, or familiarity – like farting in front of your other half, or high-fiving them when they fart in front of you. Or maybe it relies on self-deception: we’ve been told so often that how we look is vital, that the only way to get the perfect look – the uninhibited, full-on, screwed-up sexy O face – is to forget about what the ‘perfect’ look should be. Maybe the best way to orgasm when someone’s watching you is to pretend, wholeheartedly, that they aren’t.

I want to see a natural, exciting, unusual, weird, strange, odd and occasionally grotesque orgasm face. I want to see what a guy really feels rather than what he thinks he should be showing to me.

And in my opinion the best way to get that is to show him mine first.


  • RB says:

    That third tag made me absolutely lose it. Stellar work. x

  • Em says:

    ” the weird way I clench my muscles and do a kind of half sit-up when I’m having a wank” Hey I do this too! And same, I never do it with my partner.. It feels like I’m trying extra-hard to reach the right spot or something?

    • Girl on the net says:

      THANK YOU! I am so glad I’m not the only one. I always figured it was because the muscle clenching in stomach kinda pushes the orgasm forward a bit? Like, it’s also easier to come during sex where I get to join in and fuck back nice and hard (as opposed to gentle sex or where I’m tied down) and I assumed it was because engaging other muscles builds tension and therefore orgasm? As you might be able to tell, though, I am not a biologist. Just a girl with a lot of theories and a hell of a lot of wanking experience =)

    • Sarah says:

      I do this too!

  • ally says:

    There is absolutely nothing hotter than watching my boyfriend’s face when he cums, it’s the most extreme o face I’ve ever seen and it’s amazing! It looks like a complete out of body experience and there’s just huuuge pride in being involved in making it happen.

  • the weird way I clench my muscles and do a kind of half sit-up when I’m having a wank

    I do something like this too. I can’t orgasm from p-in-v sex, so I’m usually lying on my back having a wank, or an assisted wank (where I do my clit and he takes care of my g-spot). It just works better when I engage my abs. My partner reads this as a sign that I’m getting close, and for god’s sake don’t stop!

    As long as you’re not wearing sweatbands on your head and wrists, I doubt they’ll think you’re treating this as a way of avoiding the gym.

  • Dumb Domme says:

    Oh… I’ve wrestled with my own wanking/O face before. I described it as such:

    “When orgasm is imminent, I’m fairly sure there’s an equal and inverse relationship between the time/distance to orgasm and my degree of sexiness–as I approach orgasm, I become less and less sexy [. . .] As you can see, the closer I get to orgasm, the more I look like a fapping monkey.”

    Cheers to my brothers, sisters, and siblings in ugly O face solidarity… :)

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hahahaha, OMG ‘like a fapping monkey’ totally got me =) And I think you’re 100% right on the graph.

  • Love this. I’d rather not watch myself because I’m sure I’d be a harsh critic – and one of the best things for me during sex is completely letting go (except the down side is the time that I sh*t during a threesome…that was awkward). Some of my lovers have really gotten off on watching me cum so I figure either I don’t look too weird, or they don’t care. Probably the latter!

    The same goes for how I sound when I’m cumming. I don’t worry about it…but afterward am aware that it was probably loud / awkward / who knows what the hell I yelled.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I reckon definitely the latter – genuine, odd-face orgasm is probably way more hot than a fake Meg Ryan. And your threesome comment had me spluttering coffee. Awkward, sure, but hilarious for blog comments later =)

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