Sex without orgasm, and ‘satisfaction face’

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

I’ve never been a particular proponent of the idea that you have to come to enjoy sex, and if I’m truly honest I’d say the thing which matters most to me is that my partner comes. Which might seem horrifyingly subservient, until you realise that desire comes not from an old-fashioned desire to ‘satisfy’ him but because – not to put too fine a point on it – I like how it feels when he empties his balls into me.

Satisfaction without orgasm

The whole ‘satisfaction without orgasm’ thing struck me the other night, right at the end of a particularly excellent fuck. After a few minutes in my favourite sex position, lying on my stomach with my face squashed into the pillow, pushing back onto his cock so I could feel him smacking against my arse, I realised that what I was rooting for – the aim – wasn’t for me to come, but for him.

I wanted to feel the gush of spunk pumping out of his dick.

I’ve written before about the ‘O’ face – how everyone has a unique look at the moment of orgasm. It’s a stunningly beautiful thing, even though many of us get paranoid about whether our ‘O’ face makes us look like champions in a gurning match. But there’s another face I (and presumably others) pull too: the satisfaction face.

Very different to the orgasm face, which is an involuntary muscle-twitch when you climax. It’s not a ‘fake orgasm‘ face either – the satisfaction face is just an expression of pure pleasure when experiencing a particular sensation. I would probably pull my ‘O’ face when I came regardless of how much work I’d put in or whether I really deserved that orgasm. But satisfaction comes when there’s an itch which has been well and truly scratched, and I feel smugly like I put in at least some effort to get there.

I probably pull the same face just after I’ve bit into a particularly delicious cake that I baked myself. Or if an article I write gets retweeted by someone I’m fangirling over. I know I pull it when I’ve spent a while playing Cock Hero with him, and after he’s spent a good twenty minutes biting his lip and fighting his orgasm, finally he grunts and gives up, spilling buckets of spoodge into the end of a Fleshlight.

And I pulled it that night too. At the end of a vigorous, dirty fuck, I lifted my head and squeezed my cunt tight around him (the better to feel each throb of his dick as it squirted into me) and I knew I was pulling that face of extreme satisfaction.

That position is almost certainly my favourite because it maximises this feeling: I can get myself really tight around his cock, so I can sense his twitches more easily – pressing each atom of the slick inside of my cunt against the throbbing flesh of his dick. Or maybe because I just find sex more satisfying if we’re not face-to-face: it’s dirtier in my mind. It reminds me of that Bloodhound Gang song in which they do it like animals.

Satisfaction vs orgasm

I realise it’s not particularly liberated or sex-positive to point out that I could take or leave an orgasm (I have my Doxy, after all, so I can always finish myself off afterwards) but that I couldn’t take or leave this kind of satisfaction. To reiterate – it has less to do with his pleasure than it has to do with the very specific physical sensation of his twitching cock emptying jizz into me. His pleasure is a happy by product of a thing that feels sensational.

If you’ve been following closely, you’ll probably realise that I’ve had some problems lately with orgasm. To be blunt, I was on medication that made it almost impossible for me to come, and put up a bunch of other barriers that stopped me from enjoying sex. There came a point, after a while, when the panic about whether or not I’d come would prevent me from getting beyond the ‘OK let’s do this’ stage and into the ‘that feels fucking lovely’ arena.

Luckily for me, this satisfaction won out. It carried me from ‘can’t come’ through ‘doesn’t matter if I come’ and back round full circle to ‘OK maybe I can come now.’ Even if it does happen half an hour later, when he’s in the shower and I’m frigging myself crosseyed over the memory of what his spunk-dripping cock did earlier.

That very specific sensation – and the feeling of smug satisfaction at large quantities of spunk – got me out of my head, and back in the moment where I could be happy even if I didn’t come.

I’m just gutted that I was facing away, so he didn’t get to see my satisfaction face.

8 Comments

  • The One says:

    The thing I love most about this post (and there are a number of things I love about it) is that you say “come”, and not “cum”. So thank you sincerely for that 😎

  • Odysseus Rex says:

    My last partner loved the feeling of a guy coming inside her. But I find it difficult to come while wearing a condom. I do personally prefer the exuberance of coming on my partner – I feel like it shows how much she’s turned me on – or the intimacy of coming in her mouth, but it did become a bit of a bone of contention because she felt a bit of wounded pride that i wasn’t responding to her (undoubted) skills

  • Bachuss says:

    What a refreshing read. I may be in the minority here but I (as a guy) get tremedous satisfaction form seeing my paertner orgasm. I love to see her chest flush whilst she grimaces and the veins in her neck stand out. Whether I come or not is secondary.

    • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

      I sincerely doubt you are in the minority on that one! If there’s one thing obvious from porn, it’s that men like to see women come…

  • Jo says:

    This has been on my mind as of late; I had a fuck buddy recently, after going down on me for a while, ask, “You good?” (I mean… I have issues with this, but that’s a whole other thing.) I said yes, meaning that I was thoroughly enjoying his face in my crotch, but looking back, I think he was actually asking if I’d come. I don’t usually come from oral sex, but I. Love. It. I experience deep satisfaction, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how to get the point across to my partners that satisfaction is enough (I use my words, but sometimes I feel like societal sexual narratives are so powerful that some of my partners don’t believe me).

  • The quiet one says:

    I bloody love that squashed into the bed snug in his arms position x

  • oodles says:

    Thanks so much for this post. Recently I had sex with a guy I’ve started seeing and I had drunk too much wine so I knew I wasn’t going to come. He was so disappointed that I couldn’t, and I could see afterwards on his face that he thought he’d done it ‘badly’ in some way. I tried to reassure him that I enjoyed it, I just wasn’t going to get there. Alcohol takes out the sensitivity for me, so I wasn’t disappointed, I just had fun watching him. But even the next day he was still feeling bad. I’m so glad you’ve written this because maybe now I can explain better to him that I can be satisfied without orgasm.

  • Curvylover says:

    Thanks for the great blog, much more thanks for sellecting “real life” posts…. i understand every single word in this post… even im the male, still, my real pleasure is to see her happy face after she orgasms…. hear her loud “Ohhhhh” i never cum before her, even it takes very long sometimes, because as she says :” she must enjoy the meal, not just eat it”. lol
    She prepares all her “must use now” toys and i use it on her till she finish with the smile or even laugh… then my turn comes after i have been fully satissfied seeing her happy face. :)

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