I asked sex bloggers to share a post that defines them

Image by the awesome Stuart F Taylor

People slag off Twitter a lot these days – rightly so, because a network that used to be fun has become almost unusably cesspitty these days. But despite its popularity with arseholes, there are still some fabulous people on there, and plenty of joy to be squeezed from finding others who are into the same things you are. For me: sex writers. Recently I put out a tweet asking sex bloggers to share a post that they felt summed up who they were as a blogger. Which of their posts is the most ‘them’ thing they’ve written? Which post would give your readers an instant, concentrated hit of what they can expect from your blog? The answers ranged from funny, cute poems through intensely hot stories and fascinating insights to powerful, emotional pieces that grabbed me right by the heart. I thought I’d share some of their answers, and hopefully introduce you to a few new bloggers whose work you’ll love.

Some of the people below are good friends of mine, whose work I have known and loved for years. Others are people brand new to me, whose replies to my original tweet grabbed my attention. Check out the pieces they believe are the most ‘them’, and go follow some new sexy writers! If you’re a sex blogger yourself and you missed this thread, please do feel free to share your own post in the comments!

Sex bloggers share a post that shows who they are

Bibulous One

Big boys don’t

“For a man of my generation and my boarding school upbringing, with a lifetime of bottling up my emotions, the sense of release was wonderful, completely new and totally cathartic. All my British reserves had been stripped away by Elita’s whip, as efficiently as a steamer strips away old wallpaper, leaving what’s underneath seeming fresh and new. My emotional skin felt thinner and more sensitive just as my real skin did.”

Dirty Sexy Words

Don’t stop writing. Now more than ever

“There has always been a degree of defiance in writing erotica, whether it’s an unashamed celebration of diversity in bodies and desires or a gleeful two-fingers up at stifling conventional morality. The message that we can be happy if we make each other happy is a vital one.”

BONUS: Wanting ALL the books

E L Byrne

I’m solo-poly: no relationship escalator for me

“I have always identified with being solo. I enjoy and highly value my autonomy. Just because I do not aspire to multiple, equal, entwined, primary-like, life-time relationships, doesn’t mean I am doing polyamory wrong. It just means I do it differently. Please don’t discount my way, because it feels uncomfortable for you. Not cool man. Not cool!”

Emilia Romero

I lost my husband and found BDSM

“I had felt dead inside for so long it had become my new normal. It was like I was acting the role of me in a terrible made-for-TV film about my own life. I didn’t realise that beige shouldn’t actually be a lifestyle choice and that being inoffensive was a form of self harm. This pain was making me feel alive. And being alive made me feel sexy.”

Exposing 40

Joy

“It will be of no surprise to any of you who read this blog regularly that I love a bit of outdoor nudity! It’s such a happy joyful thing. It was the awesome Molly Moore who introduced me to that joy. Sure, I had swiftly slipped out of my clothes in a park in Berlin and one in South London for a couple of al fresco photos before my day out with Molly in summer 2015, but I had never relished the feeling of being naked in nature. That day as I sank into a bath not of bubbles in my shiny white bathroom, but of grime and bugs under the dappled light of a canopy of leaves, I truly relaxed. Staring up at the bright July sunlight dancing and twinkling through the thick green leaves was as absorbing as looking at a night sky when you’re in the middle of nowhere.”

Focused and Filthy

Black rope

“I looked down at her. My camera in my hand and I peered through the view finder. Adjusting the settings till I had the exposure about right. It’s a heavy camera, but my hands were starting to shake not because of that, but because she looked amazing. Her eyes were closed and her lips just curled up at the edges. Betraying her enjoyment of being objectified. I turned her slightly and moved around the room. It was quiet but I groaned as I lifted my camera to my eye again.”

Frank Noir

Erotica vs Realism

“I write erotica, pornography, literary porn – whatever you choose to call it. My stories explore sexual fantasies and are primarily intended to arouse the reader. And in that kind of territory, I see no need for realism. In fact, the sheer implausibility of a situation can add to the excitement – breaking taboos, disregarding social norms. These stories take place in something like an alternate reality – where there are no boundaries – and no rules other than those of pure lust and instant satisfaction of carnal urges.”

The Gentle Domme

I don’t know if I want to be a Domme but I definitely want to be a vampire

“I was quite the goth in my youth and have never outgrown my love of the color black. But I think my love of vampires, and more specifically female vampire figures, has less to do with being into things that are dark or scary and much more to do with loving their seductive manipulation.”

Girly Juice

A year with the Double Trouble

September. I’m miserable. Heartbroken over a recent romantic rejection, bitter over a couple of nasty break-ups, and as dour and depressed as I’ve been in recent memory. My genitals feel foreign to me, and most days, masturbation is too much work to contemplate. But when I need it, the Double Trouble is there. It sleuths out my A-spot. It makes me come. I don’t have to think, or try, or fantasize. Paired with the Magic Wand or Tango, it’s nearly instant. I’m unspeakably grateful for sex toys, because they make my life a little easier when it seems very, very hard.”

HT Honey

Fantasies, facts and fictions

“Fantasy, desires, ideas and memories. Sometimes it’s clear which one of those I am thinking about. Sometimes it’s a mixture of them all. I used to run a small number of scenarios through my head when I was grinding, angling my hips to get the perfect pressure to let my orgasm build. Now my life is so much more enriched with pleasure and that is marched by the ideas that can make me desperate before I even touch. These snippets here are a mix of memories, desires and fantasies. I’m not going to say which ones are which.”

Innocent Loverboy

His post (it’s not easy to quote from it, so I’ve gone with the first paragraph, please please click through to read it all!):

You’re not you when you’re horny…

Focus!

Stalin’s actions during World War II led to over two million Soviet citizens dying on the Eastern Front, although they did ultimately secure an Allied victory over the Nazis in eastern Europe. Operation Barbarossa was not a great success for the German forces, because of all the places in the world, we have to fool around in your mother’s car?”

Lemon letters

Silk and fire

“When I submit, it is a choice. It is mine to grant, and yours to earn. And make no mistake, you will earn it. It requires connection, effort, intent and communication. I will challenge you, push you, frustrate you and I will do it all openly and with intention because I need to know that when I lay my trust in your hands, you are capable of holding it.”

Little Switch Bitch

His prize

“We regularly make bets. Yanno to make things interesting. They can be about anything but usually, they have a sexual nature about them. The most common prize is a relaxing massage. My OH will often suggest a blowjob as a prize. While he sees it as a win, I see it as one of those win-win kinda situations, sometimes often losing on purpose. Not often though – I enjoy the healthy spousal competition.”

Nooky Semper

This is what it is like in words

“I’m blowing him, on my hands and knees on the bed, and most of my brain is too cock-drunk to think anything at all, most of it’s thinking about his dick and the feel of his skin under my palms and how much I love catching his eye when I glance up the length of his body, most of it’s lost in the weight of him pressed against my tongue, but a little semi-coherent something at the back of my mind notices that I’m not self-conscious about my body, my shape of my tits or the swaying weight of my belly or the fact that I can’t make it respond the way I wish that I could, that’s all just — irrelevant, toothless, words blurred out by water damage, things I remember hurting me in a dream. “

O Miss Pearl

Hoodie – poems for my submissive

“Silly man, your flesh is mine to bruise, and wrists to grip
You will nibble at my praise like a shy thing in the grass
Until tamed, I tie a ribbon on your neck”

Quenby Creatives

Ode to the cute guy who served me in a coffee shop literally one fucking time, seriously why am I like this?!

“The careless curl of your hair
Your quirky half-smile
Strong, gentle hands at work
A half-hidden tattoo on your arm”

12 things I wish I’d been told as a baby trans

4) It’s ok to inconvenience people

It can be scary to ask people to use new pronouns, or try a different name. It can be hard to ask people to do this thing for you, and awkward to insist when people make mistakes or push back. But it’s ok to ask people to do this for you. YOU CAN ASK PEOPLE TO DO THIS FOR YOU.”

Sex Blog Of Sorts

Boy overseas

“Even Ryanair can’t ruin it for me. I sip scalding hot tea and pull apart a doughy croissant, pretend to read my book. Ideally I’d sleep, but I’m as restless as the toddler sitting opposite, so instead I think about how I want it first: him on top, his cock deep inside me, all that solid weight holding me down, making me beg for it. And the kissing. God, I’d fly here for the kissing alone.”

Spanking Theatre

Narratophilia

“I cherish the act of arousing without touching. Whether it’s my warm voice whispering into another’s ear, or amplified by modern magics, transformed into a sequence of photons able to fly across an entire ocean, which land and glow on a distant screen.

What a privilege it is to be able to arouse someone at a distance, without even being present. To be appreciated abstractly, not because of my physical appearance, or the way I dress, or other social signifiers — but purely because of the way that I think.”

Twisted Ms Quin

Sacred sex, holy kink

“We are here, now, alive. And every breath contains the possibility for romancing life, for weaving magic into every cell and sinew, and for living with all we have to live. Remember the pleasure in inhaling a beautifully scented flower. Think of the delight in a soft caress. Imagine the last glorious sunset you saw, all the colours that heralded the coming of night and took your breath away. The music that conjures dancing in your fingers and toes. The tastes that make you purr with pleasure. The things that fill your heart with beauty and delight. The touch of a lover. The ecstasy of orgasm. The bliss of relaxation. These are sensual, erotic pleasures that remind us that we are alive. These are divinely erotic moments which offer us connection, power, and magic.”

Valery North

Star Trek: Deep Space 9 – a Queer allegory?

“In conclusion, then, what I really have to say is that on many levels I found Deep Space 9 to be a powerful allegory for queerness in today’s society, from the pseudo-transness of Curzon/Jadzia/Ezri Dax to the difficulty of fitting in as someone different that Odo experiences, to the challenge of balancing societal roles faced by Kira and Sisko, to Quarks complex overlapping of different ethical and cultural demands. I found a lot of my experience with balancing my sexual and gender identities resonated with the conflicts and challenges explored by these character arcs.”

Violet Grey

My love for the ‘soft dom’

“I’m a sucker for the ‘soft Dom’. He’s always been my ideal for me if I’m his submissive.

I don’t like being completely dependent on someone, I never have. But I love the gentlemen who are geared towards a protective, provider-like personality, who just want to spoil and take care of you, but still respects your independence, that we are equals in each other’s eyes.”

We Fear Nothing

Exploration of my sexuality, same sex, sex, and losing my virginity all in the one year

“As I realised I was more bi than straight, I began to want to explore it more, not really knowing at first how to go about it.
The easiest way was through porn, watching anything other than straight including trans porn which I did with a more open mind and found that I actually liked it more than I thought. Not everything I liked, but there was definitely specific types I did enjoy more than others and often wished I had delved deeper into it in the past when I normally dismissed it.”

Zebra Rose Sub

Rescue

“She needs treatment, urgently. An intensive regime, closely monitored and lovingly applied. With time and attention, he can make her comfortable, ease her pain. Bring a smile back to her twisted, trembling mouth and restore her partway to peace.

He kisses her cheeks, cradles her face between his palms. “I’m here. I’ll make you safe. I’ve got you. We’ve got this.””

Sex bloggers! Share a post that sums up who you are!

The thing I loved most about asking this question was the sheer variety of responses. I think sometimes people have an idea in their head that sex bloggers all write erotica, or all write toy reviews, or all do… whatever it is that the sex blog you read the most focuses on. But what I love about this arena is that each person is unique, bringing their own sexuality and personality into their blog. Where I know the other bloggers well, their answers made me smile, and where I had never met them before I found myself nodding along going ‘ooooh YES, that’s a lovely/cool/unique approach!’

If you’re interested, the post that prompted me to ask this question was the walk of shame – a blog which, as I was writing it, I felt I should have written years ago. Back when I started blogging, ‘sorry sluts‘ probably did the same job, albeit far more clumsily. If you’re a sex blogger and you’d like to join in, please do share your post below! Links and comments are pre-moderated if you’ve not commented here before, but I’ll aim to keep on top of the mod queue for the next few days to give you a chance to share yours.

8 Comments

  • Purple Rain says:

    These are glorious! Thank you.

  • Ayzad says:

    One post only can hardly summarize the huge range of interests I cover on my blog, but I guess you can sample my own brand of geeky passion for sexual oddities and how they relate to our everyday lives in this improbable piece about the history of the boudoir: https://ayzad.com/the-playrooms-history-of-the-boudoir-form-pre-history-to-the-age-of-high-tech-sex/

  • girlieboy69 says:

    Thank you for sharing all of these wonderful blogs. My own blogging activity is about my own awakening and journey as a non-binary person, gender issues, learning about D/s, sexual politics, and the eroticism of food. I enjoy reading the work of other bloggers as it helps me learn about so many different aspects of life, and in truth, I blog as it helps me to think and process my own feelings. Your own work is inspiring.

  • PLJ says:

    And here is the post that I think encapsulates best what I am up to right now…
    https://wordpress.com/stats/post/1279/girlieboy69.com

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hey PLJ, I just tried to see that post as I’d love to read, but it links me to a WP login page, pls could you post the link to the piece? Thank you! And thank you for your kind words too!

  • This is such a wonderful list!

    I think the post that speaks most of what I write is a recent one. It discusses my nonsexual 24/7 D/s dynamic, queerness, kink as a coping mechanism and using it as a framework for emotional support, and also has a picture of my spouse in a bowtie. It’s also wordy as heck and if that doesn’t speak to my blogging style, nothing does.

    https://queerearthling.com/2021/07/14/gender-affirmation-kinkster-style/

    • Girl on the net says:

      Ohhh what a gorgeous post! Thank you so much for sharing! I absolutely love the detail and emotion behind every paragraph – it feels like you’re letting us in to some really complex and beautiful feelings about your lives. I especially loved this:

      “And they liked that I was so moved by their appearance that I requested that they hurt me in their current state, that I looked at them when they were feeling their most confident and said, “Yes, that’s what I want.””

      Which I think touches on something so important and powerful that is often very hard to achieve – getting those compliments and interactions at exactly the point when someone is ready to receive them wholeheartedly and it makes them stronger/happier. Glorious post, thank you! <3

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