Sleep sex, and other things I’ve done in the night

This post discusses sleep sex (and sleep ‘other things’). Everything that happens here is 100% consensual, with a guy I trust a lot, and with whom I have had numerous conversations about sleep shagging. It is not an endorsement to go ahead and do this with people who you haven’t had similar conversations with, obviously. 

Apparently on Saturday night I kept a guy awake for hours by repeatedly wrapping my arms round him and begging him to touch my tits.

Yeah, that’s weird, isn’t it?

I was also either 100% asleep for the entire thing, or I have suffered selective amnesia. When he explained to me, very patiently, on Sunday morning that he was a bit knackered ‘because of your weird midnight nipple demands’ you could have knocked me down with a feather. You could also have knocked him down with a feather, because – thinking I was awake – he kindly acquiesced, until eventually he fell asleep on me for a while before I woke him up for more.

This is definitely not the first time I have tried to get it on with dudes while I am asleep. At Uni, my nighttime brain was clearly pretty active, and on a fair few occasions I’d wake up to find myself grinding against the bloke I was in bed with. Sometimes rubbing his nipples or gripping his dick. As a consequence, the ‘can we fuck while we’re asleep?’ question is one I’ve had frequently – occasionally in the form of a challenge to blokes I trust to see how far they can get without waking me up.

Obviously I’d only do this with someone who knew exactly what my ‘stop’ looked like (in the case of sleep sex, it is a mumbled ‘blergh’ and a twitchy flailing of arms, as my semi-conscious self tries to bat away something unwanted. The converse is me going ‘mmmf’ and pulling him closer).

It occurred to me, though, that there’s something deeply and excitingly filthy about the other way around: the fact that sleeping-me was obviously so horny she overrode what my body would usually do (lie there snoring gently and occasionally mumbling until morning) and instead decided to try and persuade someone to wrap his lips round one of my nipples and suck until I felt tingly and good.

Sleep sex is not out of character for me…

It’s not the only time I’ve done stuff in my sleep – I suspect there are things I’ve done that I’ll never even know about. Of those I do know about, they usually begin in dreams: the dream state takes me somewhere I’m lying on a bed, and without realising I’m doing it in real life, I roll over onto my back and run my fingers down the slit of my cunt, feeling the stickiness that’s there from the previous evening’s fuck. On occasion I’ve woken to find my fingers in my mouth, and had to suppress a tired grin of self-satisfied post-fuck horniness. Once or twice, I’ve woken up to find I’m kissing someone – he’s awake and aware and I’m still woozy, unable to tell the difference between the guy who’s next to me and the man who just disappeared from my dream.

And that’s before you even get started on the dreams you have which – achingly, desperately, horribly – get you within one light stroke of orgasm before dumping you, horny and indignant, into the waking world again. I’ve never had one of those dreams where you actually orgasm in your sleep. At least, not to my knowledge – I guess it would be harder to tell than it would for someone who’s actually orgasmic dream is marked by a wet, white patch on the bedsheets.

I don’t know what the point of this blog post is, and to be honest that one night where I was fast asleep throughout is a rare one this month, so my tired brain has no conclusion to draw. I guess if pushed I just want to say: it’s nice, isn’t it? I like the knowledge that when my conscious brain turns off, and I can get rid of the ringing stress that hammers around it during the daytime, my nighttime instincts match so perfectly with my conscious ideal. That I don’t shout or cry or worry or any of the things I hate when I’m up: I just grapple for something warm and sexy and comforting.

I reach out to the guy lying next to me, and beg him to touch my tits.


  • Fascinating. Never experienced anything like that, or at least not that I’m aware of … and that makes you think!

    I have tried to take a man to climax while he slept on a couple of occasions (this is one of them) but never succeeded. Don’t know if it is even possible. I think there might be a last-minute trigger to stop it happening. Wonder if a study has ever been done?

  • sub-Bee says:

    I think sexomnia is more common than you think. My partner has initiated sex in his sleep too. The first time he woke me by rubbing my clit in the most wonderful way, got me right on edge, then rolled over and went back to deep sleep with a grunt leaving me to finish the job myself!! When I spoke to him he was mortified, it was early days in our relationship and that just over reached the consent barrier in his mind. I’m always ready for sex but what if it wasn’t me but someone else less amenable. It took a long time to reassure him and now it’s been an age since it last happened!

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    With regard to wet dreams, you’re not missing anything, they’re a pain in the arse. It’s been a while since I had one, but when I do I always wake up just *after* the orgasm, on the comedown and covered in spunk. It makes me want to say “Fuck you!” to Sleeping Me: he gets all the fun part, while Awake Me doesn’t even remember it, and gets landed with the cleanup afterward.

    • rare deeds says:

      This made me laugh out loud – perfect encapsulation of wet dreams… which I still have, on occasion (hmph). I believe I am also still prone, on occasion, to seeking to initiate anal sex whilst deeply asleep. Again, most frustrating to miss out on all the fun…

      • ps says:

        wet dreams, to me, have always meant (even as a teenage boy): you dream a lush and warm dream; you are ripped back into reality just as you orgasm; your hips jerk uncontrollably and you exhale violently; your entire body is warm, and your penis is on fire; the cooling sensation of your spunk is the contrast in temperature; you are hyper-aware of how the hairs on your body rest on your sheets; you rub your penis against your sheets and shudder because you’re still hypersensitive, but you do it again and again and again and again and then your personality reasserts itself: you remember that you have to go to work or school or whatever, and suddenly these sensations are disappointing and you go soft

        i don’t remember much about the dreams themselves–as far as i know i get off while dreaming about lusty lego blocks–but the half-wakeful orgasm haze feels incredible and i wish my conscious encounters were consistently this satisfying. the real world is hard work

  • Have had this happen with a guy I’m sleeping with. As in he initiated in his sleep. Luckily he’d warned me before hand and by the time I woke up he was in me. Pulled him closer and went back to sleep. Lol.

    I think if you’ve had the discussion beforehand that it might happen, that’s all you can do. In my case I wasn’t bothered, it did lead to a very frank conversation about health status. Which is always a good convo to have.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Bloody good point on the health status convo. I think I’ve only ever done this with guys I don’t use condoms with – mainly because I used to hate casual shags/one night people actually sleeping with me, so I’d tend to either go home or let them know that they should go home. But yeah – definitely an important discussion to have, alongside the consent one. Thanks for pointing out!

  • seasideslut says:

    I orgasm in my sleep regularly, and I never fail to be amazed by it and wish I could harness that control over myself when awake.

  • Alan says:

    Seaside Slut – hi!

    Is your sleep orgasm triggered by a dream, or is it purely physical?


  • SomeGirl says:

    I have initiated sex in my sleep. We were both asleep, actually. I woke up as I was giving him a wank, and he woke up as he came. It was early in our relationship and we had been fucking all night, so we might just have fallen asleep while doing it and just gone on in our sleep. Anyway, we both laughed about it for a while.

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