What do you think of when you hear the words ‘orgasm equality’? I think of much nicer things than the weird t-shirts I stumbled across this week. That story, as well as an update on a really awesome anal toy, in this week’s ‘two things’ below.
The bad: orgasm equality (or pressure?)
This week I spotted a story about an orgasm equality clothing line. A designer has launched a range of t-shirts bearing the slogan ‘it’s not done if I don’t come.’
While I appreciate the sentiment – I think there are many people who are pretty fed up of the assumption that sex begins at erection and ends at ejaculation. I think it’s important to show and tell people that you don’t need a dick to have an orgasm, and that writing off clitoral or vaginal orgasm as ‘too difficult’ is a bit shit – not to mention frustrating for all those people who end sex feeling left out.
I have two problems with the idea that sex is only ‘done’ if both (or all) of the people involved have an orgasm. The first is pressure. As Alix Fox pointed out when she was asked for a quote for the article:
“It can take time and experimentation to figure out what works for each individual lass, so to brand sex a failure if it doesn’t result in climax-to-the-max from both partners places unhelpful pressure on men and women alike.”
On top of this undue pressure, though, there’s another issue: consent. I think the message ‘it’s not done if I don’t come’ sounds bizarrely aggressive. As if you’re demanding an orgasm even when someone has tapped out – either tired or no longer willing. While it’s really important for partners to prioritise your pleasure, demanding that they complete some kind of orgasm challenge no matter what sets what I feel is an uncomfortable benchmark.
The obvious, short answer to this is: how would we feel if a bloke wore this orgasm equality t-shirt? I think we’d be demanding it be pulled from the shelves, because it has uncomfortable non-consensual implications. And while there definitely is a problem with the fact that society often prioritises the male orgasm over others, I don’t think our main route for tackling that should involve ‘demanding’ sexual satisfaction.
The good: Doxy re-releases the Skittle as ‘the Don’
Besides my Doxy Massager, I also have something that’s now called The Don – it used to be called the Doxy Skittle. Why the name change? And why am I mentioning it?
Well, basically I thought it was a fun look behind-the-scenes at some of the weird/fun things that go on in sex toy land. Basically, ‘the Skittle’ caused some waves with confectionery giant Wrigleys (who make the Skittles of ‘taste the rainbow’ fame). And… I don’t know… maybe they thought consumers might be confused?
Caution: only one of these should go in your bum…
Anyway. I just thought it was funny. And it’s a nice excuse to tell you to buy The Don – it’s really good, basically a very weird-looking, very powerful, plug-into-the-mains sex toy. Initially marketed as something that could be used anywhere, Doxy has listened to feedback and reviews from sex toy bloggers and come to one key conclusion: it’s basically for butt stuff. Here’s Will, from Doxy, to explain:
“In the weeks following sale, the reviews started to roll in and it became clear that the Doxy Skittle was being favoured for anal play. It became a bit of an underground whisper, whenever someone mentioned they were getting a Skittle, the advice was “put it in your bum.”
UPDATE with new awesome news
Tickets for Eroticon 2017 are on sale NOW. Get in quick if you’d like an early-bird discount. It’s going to be at Arlington House in Camden on March 4th and 5th. If you’re a sex blogger, writer, or someone who aspires to be either of those things, then it will probably be the highlight of your year.