I’m not telling you to buy all these things. Apart from anything else, some of them are completely free. What I AM going to tell you, though, is that it’s the time of year when people hunt around for gifts to buy their lovers for Valentine’s Day, or buy themselves for Valentine’s Day (I’d argue the latter is better because you know damn well it’ll be well received), and so it would be remiss of me not to nudge you towards the fabulous sponsors who help keep the lights on here at GOTN HQ. We have sex toys, audio porn, porn porn, restraints and loads more. Fill yer boots. Every time you click a link on one of the banners around the site or in articles like this, I get a little bit of kudos and you help keep this site running. So even if you’re broke right now, bookmark to treat yourself later.

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As regular readers will know, I’m not a fan of writing sex toy reviews like I’m Which? Wank magazine. I prefer to just use them in fun ways and then tell you a sexy story or how they made me feel. Lately I’ve been struggling a bit to come up with new ways to show off the cool products that my sponsors send me, so I offered the latest kickass creation to my top kinky guest blogger instead. And holy fuck am I glad I did! Behold: Jenby Doll sets her creatively filthy mind to road-testing the Vibe Pad, a brand new sex toy from my sponsors Godemiche. In the process showing off just how beautifully this kind of toy can be used in power-play scenarios. Huge thanks to both Jenby and Star for their incredible work on this super hot post!

Note: this piece contains age play and use of ‘Mummy’ as an honorific but all participants are well over the age of 18. Also features latex, gags, restraints, collars, degradation and dollification.

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SHE’S BACK! My favourite kinkster – Jenby Doll – who has written so many incredible guest blogs for the site (and recorded lots as audio porn too!). I get so excited when her name pops up in my inbox, because I know what I’m about to read will be both funny as fuck and kinky as fuck too. Without further ado, here’s Jenby to tell you all about her TPE (total power exchange) relationship…

Note: this story contains kink, power exchange (duh!) and age play, including the use of ‘Mummy’ as an honorific. Everyone in the story is over 18.

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Instead of doing some boring-as-fuck intro where I tell you how hard it’s been to choose my top smut from 2023, this year I’m going to open with a thank you. Thank you to every single one of you lovely pervs for reading, listening, sharing and commenting over the last 12 months. This year has been hard, and as a result I’ve published less than I usually would, but for some reason shitloads of you have still come to this cum-covered corner of the internet to join in and beat one out. Over 1.7 million of you (WHAT THE FUCK) came in 2023, giving over 6.6 million pageviews (WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK). And although this would usually translate into piles of sweet sweet cash, because I’m an adult site I can’t make money the way a normal website would, with Google ads and whatnot. So through trembling sobs of truly heartfelt gratitude I want to say thank you to my incredible sponsors (Bloom Stories, Doxy, Dreams of Spanking, ElectraStim, FrolicMe, Godemiche, Hot Octopuss, Literotica, Meo, The Pleasure Garden, Sex Tech Guide and Whipple Tickle), without whom half of this would be impossible, as well as to my extraordinary team of generous Patreons, who provide the support that holds up the other half. Thank you, too, to the hot, incredible, incredibly hot people who have been kind enough to let me share our adventures here on site. This year that’s mostly been Hot Punk Guy [HEART EYES EMOJI], but special thanks also to Shop Man who restored my faith in dating, Maelstrom of Fuck couple who helped me achieve a fun bucket list thing (which I’ll write up for the blog later) and my lovely comet who showed me a great time exactly when I needed it.

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Regular readers will know how much I love a good ‘first time’, in fact I have a tag right here on the blog for it: check out the kickass variety of first times people have shared, from first threesomes to first prostate orgasms and first time visiting a strip club, I adore hearing about those moments of sexy discovery. And if they come with detailed orgasmic descriptions, even better. So imagine how over the moon I was to hear from this week’s guest blogger, Star, who offered to share a pretty fucking special first time of her own: her very first orgasm with a neovulva! Take it away Star…

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