Today’s guest blogger is Carolyn Busa – a writer/comedian who grabbed my attention with her previous incredible piece ‘I want to be fucked like latte art.’ Go check it out, because it’s fabulous, and then pop back here to read today’s funny Sex Toy Story, written from the perspective of a magic wand. I’m especially delighted to bring you wank-focused stories because it’s Masturbation Month at the moment. So read this excellent guest blog, follow Carolyn on Twitter or Instagram, and if you’re Pixar, please don’t sue.

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This hot piss play erotica is written by Floss Liddell, read here by Girl on the Net. 

The desire is lodged in my chest, a sudden onslaught of need is physically gripping me, I can barely catch my breath and the ache for you is unbearable as I consider you in a way I have never done before. One story was all it took, a story where warm piss fell upon soft skin and my mind raced to thoughts of you, my heart pounding, my want rising, as my debauched little mind begged me to ask this of you.

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I know how much you like watching your dick slide in. I know it because I love watching you, in turn: on your knees above me, your eyes downcast as you focus on sliding it slowly inside, occasionally glancing up to look at my reaction as each inch of your aching erection stretches and fills up my cunt. But you can never quite get the right angle, can you? You can never quite get your face close enough to see the detail – the wetness that clings to the skin of your cock, for instance. You never get to see it from a distance other than the exact length of your torso: no more, no less. What’s more, neither of us ever get to see it from behind – how the prominent ridge on the underside looks bold and hard and beautiful, like it does in porn. There’s a solution for that now, though, isn’t there?

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One plus one does not always equal two. Sure, if we’re talking standard stuff like apples and oranges, one plus one definitely equals two and I’d be a weird conspiracy theorist if I tried to persuade you otherwise. You have one apple in a bag, you add another, you have two apples. True. But if the things you’re counting are dicks, and the place you’re putting them is my vagina: one dick plus another equals a hell of a lot more than two. Let’s talk DVP with a fuckmachine.

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I really love it when I recommend toys to you lot and you have as much fun playing with them as I did. Doubly so if you’re willing to share your thoughts in a guest blog. Recently this fabulous guest blogger DMd me to say ‘OMG I cloned my dick’, off the back of a recent post I wrote about that very process. Unfortunately, in my own post, I couldn’t share an image of the cloned dick with you because it was so accurate and representative of my partner’s exact penis that we thought a picture would be far too intimate. Luckily for me (and you, I hope), today’s guest blogger is willing to share pics of his (scroll down to see ’em!), along with a few thoughts on what it’s like to look – up close – at a perfect replica of your own cock, which you have previously only encountered from arms length…

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