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Diary extract: Utterly exhausting love

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve learned anything since I was at school, when I used to fall madly in love with any guy who showed a vague interest, before desperately wishing I knew how to act on it.

Then I remember how it was, and that being young was difficult, stressful, and quite, quite absurd.

I haven’t arranged a guest blog for this week – sorry about that. In lieu, please enjoy this extract from my own diary, circa 1998. In it, I am trying to explain the complex emotional dynamic in my group of slightly nerdy, oh-so-romantic friends.

Diary extract: Exhausting love

I used to love A, who was totally obsessed with B. C fancied him a bit but B didn’t want to go out with him. 

D keeps perving on me and C, along with E. 

C loves Z and has fancied him since year 8 when she went out with him and nearly had sex with him in the hedge. You should remember – I don’t want to put too much in here in case my Mum reads it.

B fancied F, she went out with him for a bit but he finished with her. She fancies A a bit now but she WON’T GO OUT WITH HIM!!

G fancies X and Y and got two Valentine’s cards but we don’t know who they’re from. 

H loves J, who loves K. 

I think I fancy L a bit but only when he isn’t with his friends. This is getting very complicated, I think I’m going to have to draw a diagram. 

And then, dear reader, I actually drew a diagram.

*To calm the nerves of those who might be worried about C, I assure you that what she and Z did in a hedge was nothing close to sex. I think they swapped jumpers.
**Obviously names have been obscured with letters. I didn’t go to school on Sesame Street.


  • God. It is all so important when it is actually happening. LOL.

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    I hope A was worth the wait!

  • Jo says:

    This is hilarious!!! Have you thought about reading on Mortified?! The overwhelming nature of young love and obsession — how intense feelings are and how rapidly they change — is always funny in hindsight, but as Angela says, tell that to the teenagers actually going through it and THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS. When I was a uni student I wrote a the names of all my coworkers in a circle and drew different lines between people depending on what they’d done together / what kind of relationships they had, and it was a mangled, tangled web.

  • Hev says:

    Ahem, I actually drew a Venn diagram the other day to try and make sense of the group of people I was with…

  • There was a very complicated web of romantic entanglements when I was a similar age. In fact, I caught sight of a spider diagram being passed around a classroom once. I wasn’t privy to (or on) it, at least I don’t think I was, but the knowledge that it existed made me curious.

    Much, much later I was attempting to explain to KW the various relationships between people in the community which we met through. I ended up going to the hotel reception and getting a pencil and paper and proceeding to draw a diagram which ended up resembling the path of the Allied attack force during World War II.

    This one had to include a key to indicate sexual orientation, what was a kiss, a relationship, a one-way crush, a virtual relationship, and sex.

    KW took it home and sent me a JPEG. He had to use maths to work out how to make all the lines straight.

    • Girl on the net says:

      That’s amazing – I particularly like the dedication to getting an accurate diagram with all the lines straight =)

  • ANON says:

    Praise be to the shipping chart.

  • Moondog says:

    I have a table stuck in one of my diaries that a friend and I put together to document all the people in our group who had dated or hooked up. I think it was titled ‘the incestuous-ness of our group’ or something equally terrible.

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