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Diary extract: Utterly exhausting love

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve learned anything since I was at school, when I used to fall madly in love with any guy who showed a vague interest, before desperately wishing I knew how to act on it.

Then I remember how it was, and that being young was difficult, stressful, and quite, quite absurd.

I haven’t arranged a guest blog for this week – sorry about that. In lieu, please enjoy this extract from my own diary, circa 1998. In it, I am trying to explain the complex emotional dynamic in my group of slightly nerdy, oh-so-romantic friends.

Diary extract: Exhausting love

I used to love A, who was totally obsessed with B. C fancied him a bit but B didn’t want to go out with him. 

D keeps perving on me and C, along with E. 

C loves Z and has fancied him since year 8 when she went out with him and nearly had sex with him in the hedge. You should remember – I don’t want to put too much in here in case my Mum reads it.

B fancied F, she went out with him for a bit but he finished with her. She fancies A a bit now but she WON’T GO OUT WITH HIM!!

G fancies X and Y and got two Valentine’s cards but we don’t know who they’re from. 

H loves J, who loves K. 

I think I fancy L a bit but only when he isn’t with his friends. This is getting very complicated, I think I’m going to have to draw a diagram. 

And then, dear reader, I actually drew a diagram.

*To calm the nerves of those who might be worried about C, I assure you that what she and Z did in a hedge was nothing close to sex. I think they swapped jumpers.
**Obviously names have been obscured with letters. I didn’t go to school on Sesame Street.


  • God. It is all so important when it is actually happening. LOL.

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    I hope A was worth the wait!

  • Jo says:

    This is hilarious!!! Have you thought about reading on Mortified?! The overwhelming nature of young love and obsession — how intense feelings are and how rapidly they change — is always funny in hindsight, but as Angela says, tell that to the teenagers actually going through it and THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS. When I was a uni student I wrote a the names of all my coworkers in a circle and drew different lines between people depending on what they’d done together / what kind of relationships they had, and it was a mangled, tangled web.

  • Hev says:

    Ahem, I actually drew a Venn diagram the other day to try and make sense of the group of people I was with…

  • There was a very complicated web of romantic entanglements when I was a similar age. In fact, I caught sight of a spider diagram being passed around a classroom once. I wasn’t privy to (or on) it, at least I don’t think I was, but the knowledge that it existed made me curious.

    Much, much later I was attempting to explain to KW the various relationships between people in the community which we met through. I ended up going to the hotel reception and getting a pencil and paper and proceeding to draw a diagram which ended up resembling the path of the Allied attack force during World War II.

    This one had to include a key to indicate sexual orientation, what was a kiss, a relationship, a one-way crush, a virtual relationship, and sex.

    KW took it home and sent me a JPEG. He had to use maths to work out how to make all the lines straight.

    • Girl on the net says:

      That’s amazing – I particularly like the dedication to getting an accurate diagram with all the lines straight =)

  • ANON says:

    Praise be to the shipping chart.

  • Moondog says:

    I have a table stuck in one of my diaries that a friend and I put together to document all the people in our group who had dated or hooked up. I think it was titled ‘the incestuous-ness of our group’ or something equally terrible.

  • jeffbrks says:

    I read over some of the comments. I wanted to ask why is everyone reading into this like it’s real life. it’s for entertainment nothing more nothing less. Ok, I know that the person or persons that are writing the Blog is real but if they had as much sex as they are right they wouldn’t have time to maintain this Blog so take it for what is simply entertainment with some of their real-life situation sprinkled into it. it’s up to all to try to decide which is which and as sad as my social life is currently I still have better things to do than to try to read between the lines. everyone speaks on consent well you can’t get to consent without the content and content would involve real conversations to get the content but what do I know I’m just a guy that loves Pussy, Titties, and Ass Women’s asses to be more to the point some might say a guy like myself is Womanizer, a Self Centered, Egotistical with a huge Over Grandiose Opinion of himself, Immature, Asshole and I would agree with most here is my response to those I love women every aspect from the way sweat, the way your back muscle look when there riding my Dick or a dildo the way the smell not a big fan of that sassy back talk but without I would have never discussed who much I enjoy to swap your bare ass. so forgive me for being a lover of Women of all Shapes, Colors Nationality, and Size I am an “EOM” who a Equal opportunity Man sees a guy if he is honest and might have a preference but a true cocksman loves all women but not every is a true cocksman some are just weird to limit themselves to a certain type hope this clears up any confusion. please forgive my grammar and miss spelling but I let me emotions get the best of me when it comes to a subject so close to heart .
    Just a Man

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