Fake orgasms for kicks: I want you to come in my cunt

Image by the fantastic Stuart F Taylor

I want you to come in my cunt. I want to feel the twitches of your dick and the rush of liquid pouring out of it. And I really can feel it, you know. Hard. Especially when you’ve got a raging erection and plenty of spunk to give, the release as you pump it deep inside me is the most delicious feeling. I want you to come in my cunt. I want it so much that sometimes I’ll fake orgasms to make it happen.

I love an orgasm as much as the next person. There are few things in life more satisfying than when we both come at the same time – that rush of achievement and togetherness combines with the waves of pressure rolling up my body and through my chest. It feels so good I want to lie back and drown in it.

But let’s not lose sight of my primary goal: I want you to come in my cunt.

A fuck ends, for me, when you come. We can unpack this belief if you like, though it’s painful for me and I don’t come out of it well. In the abstract I know that sex shouldn’t be purely about his pleasure, that this is a harmful idea perpetuated by a society that thinks the male (read: cis male) orgasm is of paramount importance. A society which heavily implies – through porn, TV, films, books, articles about fucking and relationships – that a woman’s orgasm is a nice bonus. I’m a cis woman who fucks a cis man, so the story I’ve been told is that my orgasm is the support act: your spunk is the headliner.

All of this is wrong. So wrong.

But knowing it’s wrong doesn’t stem my desire: I want you to come in my cunt.

I want this much more than I want to come myself. On a scale of importance measured from 1-10, my orgasm during penetrative sex is about a 4, yours is a 9. And I only hold back that final point because I know there are some days you can’t, and I don’t want you to feel like you’ve failed if it doesn’t happen. We still had fun fucking, after all. But given the choice between you coming in my cunt and me having an orgasm, I would go for the former. Every. Single. Time.

More, because I love weird hypothetical questions: if you held me at gunpoint and made me choose between orgasming every time we fucked but leaving you frustrated, or vice versa, I’d sign away my climax in a heartbeat. Then I’d ask why you’d bothered with the gun, because you could probably just have asked me over coffee.

After you’d come in my cunt.

Are our orgasms equally important?

I want you to come in my cunt. I want it more than I want to orgasm myself.

Does this arrangement of priorities make me a bad person? It definitely makes me something. Perhaps a parody of all the things I’m meant to be railing against on this here blog. I’m advocating for sexual pleasure, after all. Pointing out that women – shock! – can also love sex. We can pursue our own pleasure with a sense of purpose, entitlement and even aggression – we’re not passive receptacles for your sexual desire, we have needs and desires and kinks of our very own. So if I say I don’t care about coming I’m really letting myself down. Worse – in wanting his orgasm more than my own, I’m setting a poor example for the women who come – or rather don’t come – after me. I should insist on my orgasm not just for my pleasure, but as a teaching point for the man I am fucking.

I know all of this. I feel some of this. I can hold it in my mind and know it’s true, and recognise where I succeed in spreading this message, where I fail to articulate it, and how I could do better to advocate for it in future.

But all that is rational, and rational thought goes up in flames when it meets desire: my desire for you to come inside my cunt.

Is it bad to fake orgasms to make your partner come?

Sometimes I fake orgasms. And I’ve written on this a bit before – why faking orgasms doesn’t have to be the end of the world. But I wasn’t fully truthful in that post. I talked about different reasons why someone might want to fake, and why ‘never fake orgasms’ is a tricky order to comply with. But I didn’t tell you the full, unvarnished truth: the vast majority of the time I fake orgasms, I do it because I want you to come in my cunt.

It’s not about tiredness or being bored or not enjoying sex and wanting it to end: it’s because I love that specific bit of sex. It is my favourite, favourite part. If I’m not going to come, I could struggle on for a while, giving instructions or ideas or hints or asking if I can grab one of my sex toys. But often when that happens the atmosphere changes. The spark fades. What was a pleasure becomes a chore. And at that point I know I’ve killed my chances to see what I want to see and feel what I want to feel.

Let me feel the throbbing twitch of your cock as you squirt inside me. Let me see your fucking face twisted in blessed relief. Let me squeeze you until you groan, until every atom of every inch of my cunt is hugging the life out of your dick. Let me milk the last drops from you with deliberate spasms. Let me stay focused and calm to absorb every detail.

I want you to come in my cunt.

Not functionally, when you’re exhausted and disappointed that you haven’t given me mine. I want you to come passionately. Happily. Triumphantly. It is hotter for me if you come when you think I’m coming: when the ripple of my cunt milks the jizz from your aching cock. It is hotter for me to feel and watch you doing this than it is for me to have mine.

I can – and do – wank. A lot. And much of what I wank about involves fantasising about that moment when you tip over the edge into coming – when you just can’t fucking help yourself. That is what I want. Not a measured orgasm, held back and dampened for ages while you stand in the queue behind me: I want you to come in my cunt, at the exact moment when it feels good and right for you to do so. That is what I get off on. If we’re fucking and I’m not going to come, and I sense that slight increase in speed/filth/enthusiasm that tells me you really want to, I will sometimes pretend along with you. Not because I want it to finish, because the finish is what I really want.

Fake orgasms and kink

Does that make me a terrible person? Maybe. It’s certainly deceptive – to pretend that I’m getting this kind of pleasure when in fact I’m getting that. But I don’t know how else to explain that this thing – you coming in my cunt – is not pleasureless. It is not boring. It is specifically, directly, and precisely my kink.

And while that might mean I set a bad example, in which I’m reinforcing the trash idea that sex is all about cis male pleasure (it’s not), I’d argue that it comes from the exact same place. I fetishise his orgasm because that is what I’ve been taught to do. Buried somewhere deep in my heart and my brain and my cunt is my actual sexual desire – the kernel of kink that reflects what I truly want. But this kink has been nurtured, filtered, explored and enjoyed in a society that has influenced me too, so it’s impossible to know how many of my turn-ons would exist in a world that was genuinely free. Am I into this because I instinctively like it, or am I into this because I’ve been told I should be? I don’t know. But I do know that my body and brain respond with more joy and satisfaction when I see you come than when I come. That is just the way that it is.

It doesn’t mean that’s true for everyone, of course. It’s certainly not true for all women. Don’t go taking this article and sharing it round as proof that society’s right and our orgasms are unnecessary: this post is brought to you by the letter ‘I’. ‘I’ as in ‘me.’ ‘I’ as in ‘this is a very personal feeling and I do not expect you to experience it too.’

‘I’ as in ‘I want you to come in my cunt.’

This doesn’t mean I never come, or never want to. And it certainly doesn’t mean that people who do want to come – who demand orgasm equality and that their partner spends time on ensuring they get their climax – are wrong or bad.While I take umbrage at articles that argue fake orgasms ‘detract from my experience’ (who are you to tell me what my experience is?), it’s laudable to educate people about pleasure, and make sure they know that their partner should care about theirs. The people who say this are, in every way that matters, right.

But seeing as we’re exploring this in depth, I’d hazard a guess that their rightness is partly why I get off on this: knowing that it’s fairer if both of us have an orgasm makes it hotter for me when I don’t. Double hot for abjectly-submissive me if I know that he’s coming at exactly the moment he wants to, without stopping to check if I’ve had my turn. Triple hot for the girl who grew up thinking boys didn’t like her, to realise that this boy likes her so much he cannot hold in his spunk.

That’s another weird belief, right there: that guys spunking into or onto me is proof that I am loveable and worthy – ewwwww I am gross and horrible and bad. I know this isn’t true. I also know that I feel more loveable and worthy if guys want to spunk in me. If we genuinely believe – as I really, truly do – that our media and discourse perpetuates damaging ideas about sex, then we also need to believe that some of us have internalised those harmful messages. As we need to accept that ‘every body is worthy’ is true in theory but in practice doesn’t cure us all of the physical hang-ups we’ve been nurturing for years. These ideas wouldn’t be damaging if they were easy to shake off. Some of us will kick back against them, others will fetishise them, and some of us (like me!) will try to do both: explain that sex doesn’t have to be about cis male orgasm, while also admitting that sometimes, yeah, that’s the main reason I hopped into bed.

I want you to come in my cunt. And you can tell me till you’re blue in the face that I should demand orgasms, or that I’m ‘teaching you bad habits’ if I pretend to come when I’m not. I’ll nod along till my neck is sore, and I’ll also feel waves of guilt about the fact that just by doing this thing, I am letting you down. And not just you but all the other women you might sleep with, most of whom will rightly demand orgasms of their own.

But not every fuck is a teachable moment. Not all fake orgasms are done out of boredom or tiredness or to stroke your fucking ego.

Sometimes I just want to feel you come inside my cunt.


  • Itsbeenawhile says:

    I loved this post – I think your kink is far more common than we tend to admit. As a cis male, I too enjoy my partner’s orgasm far more than my own, and I definitely have to spend time unpacking the self-worth aspect of that. It’s part of the reason I don’t want my partner to *ever* fake it – to me it would undermine my favourite part of the whole experience, which is watching her melt. I can come any time, but her orgasm takes focus and care, and I love it all the more because of that, I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world. Finding a balance between our two sides is difficult, but I think there’s an interesting conversation to be had about it.

  • Zebra Rose says:

    This is a fucking amazing piece of writing, I totally understand your dilemma/cognitive dissonance and I think the fact you are questioning it, emphasising that it’s about your own personal experience and preferences, and that you’re not telling anyone else what they should be doing is a clear indication that your confession does not make you a Bad Person. You’re certainly a goddam magnificent writer

  • MariaSibylla says:

    This is so good and so perfectly articulated. I have long felt a little bit guilty for this same thing. But you saying it makes me feel less bad about it. I mean, I never felt so bad that it stopped me doing what I love (him coming in my cunt, which is sometimes facilitated by me faking an orgasm) but at the back of my mind I worried that I wasn’t really sex positive. For me, even when I *am* coming, orgasms are a little bit performative. When alone, I can wank myself to a very hard and spectacular orgasm and not make all that much noise, or move around much. But when I’m with someone, half the fun of an orgasm is physically acting out how incredible it feels. So yeah, I allow myself to be louder and more enthusiastic when coming with a partner because that amount of wild abandon is fun as hell and it makes my partner feel amazing and then, I can feel his dck getting harder, and then his face contorts and he speeds up and he comes in my cunt and I love that feeling so much. So, anyway, have often worried that being overly enthusiastic when I orgasm (or even, sometimes, fake it) in order to get the full effect of one of my favorite things (him coming in my cunt) has made me a bit of a failure in the sex positive department. Your post has made me feel loads better about it. So thanks :)

  • Just some guy says:

    Been married a long time, and our sex life has had some issues but has been a net positive. After our first child we wanted a second and it took several years to get there. My wife is fertile but prone to miscarriages. She is very systematic and got the fertility apparatus going and several days a month would say “you’re on duty today.”

    Sometimes, what with a busy life and a young child, it was pretty sketchy: “I have to run off to eight meetings so let’s prop the kid in front of a video after breakfast and run upstairs.” And certain positions and activities were out of bounds – saliva is a spermicide.

    The whole point of the act was my ejaculation. She was totally clear that my job was to get down to it and deposit semen as deeply as I could manage. And, oddly it was our sexual golden age. She orgasmed a lot, more often than she typically had before, or has since. Not every time obviously, but really a lot. I’m not sure why; perhaps because there were no romantic expectations, no pussyfooting about what you might want or I might want but be too shy to ask for. We were going upstairs to fuck and for Dad to blow his load, and we both enjoyed the hell out of it.

    It was full of laughs, too, partly at the notion of us (we were a little older than standard childbearing age) charging off to fuck like teenagers. This went on for several years. I’m not sure I’ll ever enjoy a sexual habit again as much as I enjoyed that one.

  • fuzzy says:

    Wow, you sure do have a way with words. Awesome. Enjoy it! The really really funny part to me is that when I’m getting fucked in the ass (and I *can* have orgasms independent of that cock spewing thing) I am exactly in the same place you are; I want that cock to cum in my ass more than any other factor, and if it happens then I’m happy. This is why as much as I love pegging a good old-fashioned long hard thick cock can’t be replaced.

  • LXC says:

    Great read. But I can still remember the first time I was dragged into bed, aggressively fellated, and afterwards, when I said “but what about you?”, hearing the reply “I got the thing I wanted”. I always thought that “come in my mouth” was the most popular kink. Also, a big imbalance in the number of orgasms (either way) has never caused a problem here.

  • Banquo says:

    I have no idea whether my wife ever faked it. I hope she didn’t, and i don’t THINK she did, but I can’t be sure. There were certainly occasions when she didn’t come and said that it she felt it just wasn’t going to happen, but wanted me to carry on until I came, which I usually did. She assured that the lack of her own orgasm wasn’t a problem, which was something that took me a while to accept, but perhaps she felt the same satisfaction that you did, feeling me come inside her.

    I always DID want her to come first, because I knew that if I blew my load first, there wasn’t much chance of me getting going again and although she enjoyed oral, she never could never come from it. And then there were a few occasions when I knew I wasn’t going to get there. I had a rock hard erection that showed no sign of going away, but I could have banged away until I was too tired to carry on, but I still wouldn’t have got there and she would have long since have become sore. She’d even try to finish me by hand, but on those occasions there was no happy ending for me.

    We learned pretty early on that the best chance of my wife achieving an orgasm, or the most intense orgasm, was with her on top, grinding against my erection, but without penetration. She liked to slide her slippery slit up and down my shaft, grinding hard against me at the bottom of each stroke. Think of her using me like an interactive masturbation pillow and you’ll get the picture. This didn’t stop me from trying to slip inside her on the upstroke, but by the time that happened she was usually too far gone to care whether it was in or out, all she needed was to be able to apply the correct pressure on her clit and when I WAS inside her, she’d clench really tightly on the upstroke which was superb for me and sometimes resulting with me coming when I wasn’t expecting it, and a gasping orgasm of great intensity for her, which gave ME a great deal of pleasure. And if I hadn’t come by then, she’d invite me on top after she’d cooled down, to get my own rocks off. It was a kind of unspoken deal that satisfied us both.

    I regret that maybe we didn’t communicate our desires well enough, but it seems in retrospect that we accepted that sometimes, one or both of us would not come. But there was always next time.

  • May More says:

    Love this article -thank you so much for writing it. My man’s orgasm – to me- is more important than my own and sometimes I feel like I should not tell anyone this. But it is how I feel. I get pleasure from him coming probably more than me having an orgasm. And I am glad I have found someone I feel this way about.

    The other thing I can relate to is faking orgasms at times. Not often but occasionally I have enjoyed the activity, whatever it is, so much but know I am NOT going to come. That fact does not dimish the pleasure I have experienced so I think we can stop now if I fake an orgasm. BUT the enjoyment I have received amounts to an orgasm – I just have not accomplished that final “Oh oh oh” – but that’s OK. Let’s go to sleep and snuggle ;-) x

    • Girl on the net says:

      Thank you for this comment May! It means a lot to me to be able to share thoughts like this and realise I’m not alone. It’s a really complex issue and I think a very personal one – massive thanks for sharing your thoughts x

  • Kitty says:

    I wonder perhaps whether this is partly wrapped up in the notion that both parties *have* to come every time?

    I got tied up with this when I was younger, I’d got it into my head that if a partner didn’t have an orgasm that I’d failed somehow. Aside from the fact that I absolutely got off on bringing a girl to orgasm, somewhat less selflessly I also figured that if she’d had a good time then she’d be more likely to want to have another one. Once I’d grown out of teenager hormones fuelling my brain to go “this is nice and all, but just touch my cock, touch my cock, touchmycock, ohgodpleasejusttouchmycockalready” then a partner having an orgasm became front and centre of what I wanted in the bedroom. Once I’d done my “job” then it was ok for me to have one too.

    And of course, some of the most awesome, intense sex I’ve ever had has been when when both parties came together. Raging orgasms where one of you starts to come and it tips the other over their orgasm cliff-edge; your brain melts and nothing else in the world exists; the feeling rips through you both like a tsunami then you collapse into each other ruddy-faced and sweating like small nuns at a penguin shoot, slowly coming round to realise that you’ve got skin and hair under your fingernails and you’re probably going to have to burn the sheets.


    That piles on an awful lot of self-inflicted pressure. And pressure isn’t fun. It leads to anxiety: what if I come in three seconds? What if I can’t come at all? What if I can’t get it up even? (A sure fire way to ensuring that that’s exactly what happens.) Then I’ve failed as a partner. I’m officially Crap In Bed.

    It took a while but I eventually came to realise, it doesn’t have to be this way. I stopped thinking, “you’ve done me so I have to do you or it’s not fair.” Instead I thought, you know what, this one is just for you, I’m good for now (so stop pawing at me or I’ll have to get the handcuffs). And the *really* difficult concept for me to accept, the counterpoint to that, is it’s also ok for me to just lie back and enjoy it without feeling guilty whilst I’m being taken care of too. Because these things (should, at least) balance out over time; so long as it’s not one-sided every time then it’s about the long game rather than fretting about every individual session. I came almost immediately because it just felt -so- damn good but you know, that’s ok, it was fun and there’s always next time. I didn’t come, but I’m going to work with the taste of her juices still lingering in my mouth and her squeals echoing round my head. Far healthier in the long run than me mentally setting myself up for some sort of potential “failure” every time before I’ve even got my shoes off, and a damned sight more fun too.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Thank you so much for this comment Kitty! I can’t think of anything else to add, because I think you’ve covered things brilliantly – and YES there is definitely an important step in being able to lie back and enjoy something while someone else gets you off too. This was a tricky thing for me when I was younger but I think I’m much better at it now I have a bit more experience (and also when I’m more comfortable in my own body etc).

  • Ian says:

    Not only is the article hot, so is the drawing. It’s come up (oo err missus) several times in my time line and had an effect.

  • Can we change the cultural narrative about fairness and whose orgasms matter in straight partnered sex? Porn shows the guy’s orgasm as the main focus of most scenes, but conversely, guys are now taught that if they don’t make sure the lady climaxes, they are either selfish bastards or failing at masculinity (fun how both feminism and machismo come to the same conclusion).

    To me, these prescriptive views are all archaic, coming from a mentality that continues to pretend that masturbation is only for celibates.

    What if everyone were to reassure themselves that partnered sex absolutely is not about orgasms because all participants already have had as many as they need or wish beforehand, by themselves. And will have as many as they need or wish afterwards, by themselves. That those orgasms are generally much better crafted than the ones we can clumsily manage when we’ve more than one body to take care of. Thus that noone should feel any responsibility towards anyone else’s orgasms. And that partnered sex is about everything else, about all the pleasures and sensations which we can’t have alone – and orgasms are not on that list.

    Then there’d be oh so much more possibility space to play with.

    And if play means that you’d like to feel me come in your cunt while I hear you moan and wriggle as if you are coming at the same time, then it’s perfectly fine and there’s not a speck of cultural guilt that needs to be dispelled.

    Metaphorical epilogue: I have an inkling I am not the only one to dislike 69s. It’s supposed to be the pinnacle of oral reciprocity and yet it’s just not right: we’re both too busy in too many places at the same time to enjoy anything other than the *concept* of it. I posit that the same goes for partnered sex when it’s about orgasmic reciprocity.

  • I love this post. And while I think it is worth unpacking (and you’ve done so beautifully), it saddens me that I don’t think think this should be any more inherently ‘wrong’ than say, rape fantasy or female submission, and yet, I think as a sex positive community we *are* much more likely to be shocked by a woman who claims her own orgasm isn’t her priority, and I find that a bit sad. Because, like you, I’m not that bothered by my own orgasm – a guy coming inside me is what I live for during sex. And I could unpack it a million times over – is it because I hate my body because disability that I’m not *really* willing to fully inhabit it during sex? Is it because anxiety, in which case, should I be working harder/going further to improve my mental health? But the truth is, sex is where I find some respite from my own head and, if I’ve found a way I can enjoy it, I’m not going to change that just because society says my orgasm *should* matter.

    Anyway, that was a longer comment than I intended! What I really wanted to say was, hell yes, this presses *all* my buttons.

  • Carola says:

    Hello sorry my English I can not write well, I’m Italian. Your post is simply beautiful, I share and I understand you. What you hear is something atavistic, very ancient. The point is that male orgasm, the sperm are not seen as a gift, but rather as domination, prevarication on the woman, the sperm is and should be considered a gift, in giving it and in receiving it. Today on this one has a wrong culture, wrong beliefs. I too have done the same for your own reasons and I do not feel guilty, when I want pleasure I find it and I feel it, it’s just that his pleasure sometimes amplifies mine, excites me, leaves me suspended for the next times. I do not know if I could explain myself well.

  • NS says:

    This post is kind of old, but I still hope you see this, GOTN.

    I’m a 24 year old woman who can definitely be talked into sex I’m not particularly interested in because the guy I’m with is horny and I don’t feel like disappointing him. I’m pretty willing to advocate for my own enjoyment in the majority of sex I am in the mood for, but if I had to pick between never orgasming and never causing a partner to have an orgasm, I’d pick the former without a smidge of hesitation.

    I suppose it’s /possible/ I’ve been subtly conditioned by society into these priorities, but I’m also more about giving than getting in most interactions, so at the end of the day, couldn’t it just be my personality? The thing is, I didn’t come of age with any specific perception that sex was “about” a man’s orgasm. No one, not family, friends, or acquaintances in general, ever spoke to me in person about sex before I started having it. Nor did I know a lot about it from mainstream media; at 14 I got access to Netflix and went straight from watching PG rated movies to R rated artsy shiz like Y Tu Mama Tambien. Not really a path of exposure to typical cultural values. Around the same time, I started participating in a couple of online communities that regularly featured lively and thoughtful discussions of sexual identity and behavior from a generally progressive, generally feminist, very well meaning and honest perspective. So around the time I confirmed that penises do indeed go inside vaginas, I was beginning to read about how female orgasm often requires clitoral stimulation, about how males can feel body insecurity, about how good sex requires a ton of communication, and a bunch of other stuff that’s supposedly only recently being fully acknowledged in our culture.

    So if I really don’t believe I was taught that a man’s pleasure is more important than my own (and indeed, if I liked girls and not men, I can’t believe my priorities would be any different), should I try to retrofit a cultural narrative onto why I have my own personal priorities? And if I can feel this way because I simply feel this way, why can’t you or anyone? My upbringing was atypical in many ways, but I turned out a pretty typical person, just not burdened by excessive amount of concern about why I am who I am or do what I do. Maybe it’s normal for many people to pick their partner’s momentary enjoyment over their own in a behavior they’re still overall comfortable and satisfied with. Maybe none of us should be any other way.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hey NS! Interesting point, thanks! So I’m going to start with the easiest question to answer here, which is: “couldn’t it just be my personality?” Sure! It absolutely could just be your personality. I think when talking about the cultural discourse, and the Things Society Has Taught Me, I always want to leave room for the fact that there will be some people (potentially many people!) who would enjoy this particular thing regardless of whether or not society had told them to do it. I wrote a thing along these lines aaaages ago – about men’s magazines like FHM and Nuts, and how they presented a very narrow slice of human sexuality. That narrow slice is presented as if it’s the Only Way to be a man, and the Only Thing women should try to be, but obviously that’s bollocks. However, if we stripped all the cultural pressure out of our society that doesn’t mean that *no one* would have that sexuality – that no women would want to look like an FHM cover star and no men would want to shag women who looked like FHM cover stars. The damage doesn’t come from a specific kind of sexuality, but from presenting that single way to be as the only possible way for everyone. (https://www.girlonthenet.com/2014/04/04/sex-is-not-the-opposite-of-feminism/)

      Soooo…. yes of course! It may well be the case for you that it’s just your personality. And to be honest whether it is or isn’t, it certainly isn’t up to me to tell you that you have to navelgaze about every aspect of your sexuality the way I do, or try to convince yourself to do something different to what you currently do and enjoy. This, from the piece above:

      “It doesn’t mean that’s true for everyone, of course. It’s certainly not true for all women. Don’t go taking this article and sharing it round as proof that society’s right and our orgasms are unnecessary: this post is brought to you by the letter ‘I’. ‘I’ as in ‘me.’ ‘I’ as in ‘this is a very personal feeling and I do not expect you to experience it too.’”

      So yeah, simple answer: it may just be your personality.

      More complicated answer: I think I would be very surprised if anyone had managed to exist in a society into adulthood without being in some way influenced by that society. We all have different experiences, of course, and some of us will have been subjected to more assumptions and stereotypes and dodgy messages than others, and some of us will be more resilient to the messages than others are too. But it would genuinely surprise me if anyone had managed to avoid *all* of them, because societal messaging is so pervasive. But that doesn’t mean either that you *have* internalised these messages but you just don’t know it, or that even if you had you wouldn’t also naturally gravitate towards feeling the way you feel – you’re right that it may well just be your personality! It’s not up to me to tell you what you do and don’t like, or who you are, because I couldn’t possibly work this out better than you.

      So onto my final point, and your final question: ” if I can feel this way because I simply feel this way, why can’t you or anyone?” The answer here is because I am not you – I am me. And I have written this post and come to these conclusions after a lot of thought and introspection and self-examination, and this is what I think. I am aware of some of the cultural messages that I have internalised, and I have explored and considered the ways in which they might play into my kinks and desires, and this is the conclusion I’ve come to. I’m not saying I am definitely correct, or that my opinions and attitudes (not to mention my kinks and desires!) may change over time, but even though this post is quite old, revisiting it I find myself agreeing with most of what I’m saying.

      In conclusion, you’re the only one who can really know yourself, I think – as you say, it may just be your personality, and that’s how *your* desires work. But for me, the complex interplay of cultural conditioning and kink that feeds into and off each other, which I describe in the blog post above, is still my best summary of mine.

      Thanks for your comment, this was a fun thing to explore and ask of myself though!

  • Juliet says:

    As much as I also DO NOT think it is productive to promote submissiveness in females, in the way that we (females) should fake orgasms for the sake of them (males), I do understand the angle of this account. In actual fact, apart from faking an orgasm, this is precisely how I regard my own standpoint towards sex with my husband. To have sex with or without (me) orgasming, the prospect of him controlling himself to the point of losing the moment is a disappointment that downsizes the entire engagement. Your commentary hit home with how I enjoy having sex with my man. He can give me the most fantastic orgasms, but, if he impedes his own, the fulfilment of our interaction would be lessened. Impressive monograph :)

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