Guest blog: Rev1000 is like a nimble-fingered handjob

This is Andy, AKA RuffledSheets

I’ll admit it – I’m shameless. Sometimes I write things because they make me horny, sometimes I write things because I know they make other people horny, and sometimes… well… sometimes I email other sex bloggers and ask them to write things because I really want to hear them describe something hot in intense detail.

When someone first used a Doxy massager on me, I was struck by the idea that the orgasm wasn’t so much something that I’d contributed to – by grinding against things or thinking ‘happy orgasm wave thoughts’ – but something that was being torn from me. Like a hot, juddering, almost involuntary muscle spasm. Part of that, I think, comes from the fact that the person holding the Doxy doesn’t have to do much – they can just hold it tight up against my clit and watch me squirm and squawk like a cat trapped in a laundry basket. I want something that does the same thing for guys. So, having researched and settled on the Rev1000 – a thing that looks like a sci-fi sink plunger, but which promises hands (and effort-free) orgasms, I did the obvious, shameless thing: I contacted a guy who’d used one and asked him to tell me all about it.

This is Andy – AKA RuffledSheets, who was lovely enough to oblige my whims. I’m massively grateful to him for indulging me, so please do check out his blog, follow him on Twitter, and check out his thoughts (and hot NSFW pics) after the jump.

Rev1000: A nimble-fingered handjob

Recently, GotN asked me to contribute to her blog. Specifically, she wanted me to write about a sex toy that’s a bit, well, different. Perfect, I thought. I’m all over unusual sex toys. I mean, I’m really all over them. My blog is filled with reviews of obscure sex toys, from urethral sounds, to chastity devices, to electro anal prostate stimulators. But the one we decided on was the Rev1000, as it’s different, but not too different. I mean, it takes a certain type of guy to slide a stainless steel rod into his penis and connect it to a TENS machine and I think GotN probably wanted a larger audience than that.

So, the Rev. What is it? You ask. Well, it’s a kind of masturbation sleeve. Except it isn’t really a sleeve. It’s more of a machine. It’s basically a cylinder that contains a internal sleeve with lots of soft nodules inside and a handle. It looks like half a rolling pin. I won’t bore you with the details of my review, but it’s controlled by the handle and the internal sleeve spins at different speeds, in different directions and in different patterns until you orgasm, which isn’t usually that far away once you’re inside*.

*NB It doesn’t actually *know* when you orgasm, you still need to turn it off yourself. In case you were wondering.

So what makes this one different? Well, unlike most sleeves, this one concentrates on the end of the penis. True, the Pulse and the Cobra Libre both concentrate their vibrations on the frenulum too, but they both just vibrate. This is different as it moves over your penis back and forth or around and around. It’s intense, but in a good way, and certainly not in the same way as those either the Pulse or the Cobra. Vibrations are great fun. I mean, we’ve all ‘borrowed’ our partner’s Hitachi magic wand and held it to the end of our penises. But this is different. It’s a sensation I hadn’t felt on my penis before. It’s not anything that can really be replicated elsewhere, either. The tens of tiny round headed antennae stimulating the head (and the first few inches) of my penis from every angle all at once, moving back and forth, changing speed, feel amazing.

The Rev1000 gives you a different kind of orgasm, as well. It’s not like most orgasms, at all. Most of the time, when you’re approaching the edge, you (or your partner) will speed up. Or maybe increase grip. Or maybe you’re already as tight and as fast as you can go so you just keep it there until you come. With this, you can’t increase pressure. And even when you increase speed, as the inside is so soft, there’s only a certain amount of stimulation that occurs. Now, this might sound a bit naff (as we used to say in the early 90s), but it’s really not. For a start, the build up is more intense. When you feel your orgasm approaching, it builds slower and more intensely than normal. You feel yourself holding your breath, arching your back and begging it to come faster, but it doesn’t. It just takes a little bit longer for you, just teasing you as it does so.

Rev1000 masturbator

RuffledSheets with the Rev1000

And orgasms? Longer and more intense. I was astounded the first time mine made me come. I remember receiving one in the mail before they were released, unboxing it with my partner and then using it right away. The orgasm lasted about twice as long as normal. The stimulation was intense, but not enough to make you come hard and fast. It’s more like a slow, teasing, fingertip handjob than a ‘let’s get this over with’ jerkfest. Once you start to come it’s just enough stimulation to keep you going as long as possible. It drags it out. Like the girl who slows down when you’re approaching the edge and teases your orgasm out of you with her nimble fingers, the Rev1000 does just enough to make your orgasm last as long as it can. But don’t think ‘Ruined orgasms? I’ve heard all about those. No thanks.” They’re not like that at all. These are intense, eye popping, fist clenching orgasms. The kind that make you grip the sheets and twist them as you tense every muscle in your body.

So, all good then? Well I admit, they’re not for everyone. Although easy to use with a partner, they are a bit funny looking and you may well end up giggling like teenagers when you use it. And they’re pretty big. And loud. They’re not at all, for example, like the whisper quiet bullet vibe your girlfriend keeps in her handbag. And they’re also expensive. But, and this is the clincher, if you want to experiment in the way you orgasm, then the Rev1000 should definitely be on your sex toy wish list.

Oh to be capable of giving someone a totally new kind of orgasm. It’s basically my sex Holy Grail – thanks Andy for giving such a gorgeous description. If you want to read more about awesome sex toys, check out his blog at www.ruffledsheets.com. If you want to get a Rev1000? You can get it from my sponsor SexToys.co.uk with 10% off if you use the code GOTN10. And if you fancy leaving a description of your wank in the comments, then please don’t hold back.

2 Comments

  • Ahem.

    Okay, I’m not going to be too much of a bitch about this product, because I did get one for free and I did review it and I did fail to orgasm… but Andy’s hit it right on th head with his descriptions here. It is like a figertip handjob; it is noisy as fuck, and it doesn’t look like a sex toy at all. I thought it looked more like a Cluedo? murder weapon than anything else.

    My only real problem with this thing (other than the fact that it doesn’t seem to work on me, but anyone who’s read my reviews by now will know that that’s no indication of quality) is that it’s really expensive. It’s over £100 a throw, even with the 10% discount, so if you do buy one, you have to make sure that you really want to be fucking a rotating bucket, because that is what you’ll be doing.

    Having said all that, I haven’t met anyone else who it doesn’t work for, and the guy who stars in the TV ad went to school with some of my best friends, and they showed me the ad, and I showed them my review, which they read out loud in the pub, and then I brought it along to our annual conker competition evening.

    …yes.

    Anyway, you did ask for a description of my wank with the REV, so picture me lying on my back, drenched in sweat while holding this thing in place and making loud noises like “hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” through gritted teeth while the REV sounds like a Spectrum loading up, and that’s the general idea.

  • I too didn’t really get on well with this toy, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying! To be fair to the REV, it’s a decent made product with a large variety of speeds and settings – but I just don’t find the rotating pleasurable – at all. Perhaps i’m still reeling from when I tried the Zini Bang Bang last year – which felt like I was sticking my penis into a blender. But no matter how hard I tried, I just could not get off with it.

    But this is the difficulty(?) if reviewing sex toys – it’s all a highly personal thing – and what doesn’t work for me, may well work for someone else and vice versa – but I agree about the price point – it’s an expensive risk.

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