On female ejaculation: my struggle with squirting and pressure

I’ve never asked a guy to pick me up and fuck me against a wall. This isn’t because I don’t want it, of course. The idea of a guy picking me up and fucking me against a wall is so deeply horny that I felt the need to write the phrase twice in the first paragraph just so I could experience a double-helping of sexy shivers.

No, the reason I haven’t asked for this is because it’s tricky. I weigh a fair amount – enough that picking me up and holding me at waist height for as long as it takes to get you to pump your sweaty, trembling load into me is quite an ask.

Guys have tried it before occasionally. One or two have even done it quite successfully, although I’ll admit that’s because I’ve had something to brace my feet on at the time, thus taking a bit of the weight off to allow them to concentrate on the tempestuous pounding.

Anyway, I digress. My point is: if I were to nag them to do something that is demonstrably a bloody difficult thing to do, I would no doubt make them feel a bit insecure. This would impact on all other frenzied lovemaking, and we would both be sad.

Stop trying to make me squirt

Now we get to the crux of the issue, and what I mainly want to discuss today: female ejaculation. Or ‘squirting’, as it’s more often known. Legend (and, indeed, porn) has it that some women can, at the height of climax, ejaculate fluid from their paraurethral ducts.

It looks a little something like this.

Whether you find it hot or horrible, these women are superhuman in my eyes. If I could steal one bodily function from men it would be the ability to forcibly and visually expel fluid from my body at the moment of orgasm: it makes things so beautifully and stickily final. The idea of being able to come – really come – makes me cross my legs and pray to a God I don’t believe in for a thing I know the prudish bastard would never grant anyway.

But I can’t.

I can’t squirt.

I just can’t do it.

No pressure, love

A long time ago, with a boy who was just as intrigued by squirting as I was, I had a bloody good go. Not just once, or even twice, but repeatedly and scientifically over the course of a few months. In between the standard shags and mutual masturbation sessions, we’d occasionally slip in a half-hour or so of concentrated effort to see if the magical squirting would occur.

I’d lie on my back, kneel down, bend over, and all but tie my ankles in a knot behind my head to see if he could get his hand in at any angle which would achieve a different result. I drank water, I clenched muscles, I all but wanked myself raw over the course of that time and yet still it never happened.

Gushing vs squirting

Having thoroughly done my research on Wikipedia, I can tell you that there’s apparently some controversy around the difference between gushing and squirting, and whether they’re separate things. I can tell you that I think they are, for the simple reason that gushing is something I can do. Put your hand in my cunt and wank me to a functional orgasm and nine times out of ten I’ll coat your hand in whatever the technical term for ‘girljuice’ is. Gushing’s a doddle. But squirting? Spraying? Sending jets of aforementioned fluid with force and speed out of my urethra? Nope.

What I’m actually trying to say has nothing to do with squirting. Squirting is a sideline (although if you have any tips I’m willing to try again). This blog is actually about expectations, and how – wonderful though it is when your partner fulfils them – sometimes your wildest fantasies will remain unfulfilled.

Female ejaculation: an unsexy kind of challenge

This blog was prompted by an email from a lovely guy who pointed out that I’ve never written about squirting before (which is usually a way of saying ‘Gotn, I have a fetish for female ejaculation and I would like to read a sexy story about how you once did it’) and challenging me to try and make myself squirt. Although it wasn’t his intention, the email made me sad. Because it put me in mind of all the times I tried and failed, and all the men I know who like this, and who will therefore inevitably be disappointed with me.

If female ejaculation, or being fucked against a wall, or having someone tie you into a beautiful parcel, or accept the entirety of your fist in their anus – if any of this is a genuine fetish, I won’t blame you in the slightest for never giving me the time of day. But if it’s just something you think is ‘quite cool’, then I’d beg you to consider whether it’s worth nagging someone to do it. Asking is all well and good – if we never asked, we’d never get laid. But when something becomes not just a request but a challenge, the sexiness can immediately disappear leaving only a sweaty mess of disappointment.

Although my initial squirting experiments were fun, I eventually called it quits. Putting on my stoic face while the boy tried, for the fifty-seventh time, to push me to an orgasm that felt like a chore wasn’t exactly an enjoyable way to spend my life.

Sometimes I won’t be able to live out your fantasies, and for that I am truly sorry. If you keep asking me to try, I’ll only get sorrier. And sorry isn’t exactly sexy, is it?

I can only do what I can do.

Note: the email that the guy sent me was lovely, and it is not his fault that it prompted my moment of squirting melancholy. I am delighted that he sent it, because it gave me the idea for this blog.


  • Z says:

    Funnily enough I am able to but I almost wish I couldn’t – with the majority of my partners sex turned into just making me squirt and actually got pretty boring and unenjoyable. That said, I’ve mostly only ever been with bastards so the two are probably entirely unrelated.

  • Ian says:

    Fucking shouldn’t feel like work. Unless it is work, but that’s a different matter.

    It’s generally a good idea to try new things, and be adventurous, and not turn things down without consideration, but if part of romantic life is something that you really don’t enjoy, or something you actively dread, then something’s gone wrong.

  • I can squirt. So much so that my first boyfriend when I was 17’s mum actually had to buy him a new mattress. Try explaining to your mum that you don’t wet the bed :’) Poor lad.

    I don’t really get any pleasure from squirting. It’s not an orgasm to me. Guys seem obsessed with it, I had one boyfriend whom it was more for his benefit than mine and he really got rather nasty if I didn’t do it.

    Would prefer to not do it! x

    • Caramella says:

      I think we’re twins! I too left indelible marks on a boyfriend’s brand-new mattress, and never even realised my uniqueness at the time. I can’t predict my ability to do it – it has happened the first few times I’ve been with some men, and never at all with men I’ve been with for years.

      For me, it’s not at all linked to orgasm, and has no appreciable orgasmic-like feeling. It just happens, messily.

  • It’s interesting that the two women who have commented above who can squirt don’t seem to be huge fans of it. I’ve always thought it would feel amazing but perhaps not after all…

    • Girl on the net says:

      You took the words right out of my mouth. It sounds like the pressure of having to do it lots (and Emma – that boyfriend sounds like an absolute cockshot) makes the whole thing far less enjoyable. I can completely see why. Appreciate that I am perhaps stating the obvious, but pressure does not make for a particularly sexy time. I’m off for a normal, no-pressure rub-down.

  • Emily says:

    I occasionally squirt/spray and I can confirm it doesn’t actually feel that great in itself, nor does it correlate with the general quality of sex at the time. But my boyfriend and I do both find it very hot- he loves drinking it. I love feeling like I have no control over it. And that’s just it- we both know and accept that neither of us can control it, we have no idea what triggers it, it’s just fun when it happens…
    It’s sad to hear that other people have felt pressured into squirting, when they physically can’t: the comparison with more athletic positions was a good one!

  • I love this post! You are hilarious, first of all. Second, you are spot on. I feel like I could have written this myself…even had to read it out loud, amidst laughter, to Mr. LL. You are one sexily funny lady…

  • Kitty says:

    It’s genetic, I think. Like being able to roll your tongue.

    I once had the, ah, pleasure of a lady who was a squirter. She had no control over it, it just happened when she had an orgasm.

    Once the novelty had worn off, the only difference it really made to sex was a) it was brilliant positive feedback that I was doing something right (you know, in addition to the bucking and writhing and screaming), and b) it was difficult to have impromptu sex without having a towel nearby.

    Maybe that’s where Douglas Adams was going with his assertion that a hoopy frood always knows where his towel is.

  • Thane Flynn says:

    An interesting topic and one near and dear to my heart. I’m firmly in the camp of men who find squirting insanely hot. I once considered it mythical because I’d never been with a woman who squirted. But that was before I met my girl. She squirts and she squirts a lot. During sex I can actually feel the force of it on my bits. She travels a great deal on business and when she is away she and I have to make do with mutual masturbation, Skype sex as it were. Masturbation is where she really excels at squirting; projectile squirting is really the best way to describe it. She told me she hasn’t always squirted and only started doing it a few years ago and then only on the odd occasion. She didn’t try to learn to do it, it just started to happen. Now she does it with almost every orgasm and since she is very orgasmic it often makes quite a mess. As other women have commented, she has no control over it. When it happens it happens. She also is not nearly as enamored with it as I, finding the resulting mess somewhat annoying at times. It’s just speculation of course but I’m not sure it can be learned because I’ve known quite a few women who tried to learn to do it but were never able to squirt. I think some girls do it and some do not. I’m imminently pleased however to have a girl now who does.

  • where we’re going, we don’t need names says:

    To paraphrase that lovely Stonewall T-shirt: Some people squirt. Get over it.

    I’ve been with girls who don’t, can’t or just plain haven’t. (Most of them quite want to, out of understandable curiosity.) I’ve been with girls who do, every time, violently, messily, without fail, and very much with a sense of finality (ie. don’t even THINK about touching them afterwards. At all. Anywhere. Too sensitive). And, more happily, I’ve been with girls who squirt some of the time. And then the sex can be good, great, even amazing – whether it happens or not. Sometimes a touch in the right place at the right time sends torrents splashing over me. Sometimes a particularly filthy thought in her mind that I know nothing about will set her off. I don’t mind why it happens, or how often, or whose sheets need washing afterwards. I’m just happy that she’s comfortable enough to feel at ease when it happens AND when it doesn’t.

  • I squirt, just recently discovered in the last four years or so. At first, I had no idea what the hell had happened (no control over it). My partner can make me do it easily, knowing exactly what to do, but he hasn’t shared whether he likes it or not, and I feel self conscious over that. When I asked, he responded somewhat neutral – which isn’t comforting.
    I find it somewhat annoying at times. It does not increase the pleasure of my orgasm, and I have zero control over it. It is very messy, and wet, which I don’t always appreciate. In reading the above comments, I don’t get “too sensitive” where I don’t appreciate touch – once I have one orgasm I am all for having more (they’re easier to get then). As a closing positive point, I still am in awe when he does move me to squirting; I appreciate my orgasms in all forms: whether wet, strong, beyond my control, they feel amazing.

  • chemicalgift says:

    I discovered I could squirt while masturbating last summer. I can control it, but it only happens for me after the fourth or fifth forced orgasm. When I told my husband, I was incredibly proud, but he was disgusted at first….and while he is very intrigued and excited by the idea now, I still can’t seem to do it in front of him… I still do it to myself quite often – just bondage tape my hitachi to my leg and let myself go and go and go. I adore the feeling but I think that has to do with (a) I’m bigender, so squirting feels like the missing piece of the puzzle and (b) I’m a glutton for the pain each forced orgasm brings. I love your blog, by the way…so glad I found it. Thank you for your honesty. -n.

  • I gush. And gush and gush and gush some more. What I don’t do is squirt. The only time thatwill happen is if there’s an errant hand or penis in the way (gushing generally pushes it right out) and the fluid goes off at a funny angle. But generally it goes where gravity sends it: down to the towels covering the mattress.

    No wall-fucking for me. Not only would my knees give out, but I’d end up standing in a puddle. Occasionally that works in the shower, though :)

    xx Dee

  • Jo says:

    Hi there GotN, and thanks for an incredible post as ever.

    Squinting is an odd one, really. Both the guys who’ve made me squirt both maintain any girl can do it.

    For me it requires a fairly heavy handed technique, involving fingering and pressure on the front vaginal wall… it’s hard to explain in text!

    The first guy who did it to me had a real fetish for it and the first time he didn’t tell me what he was doing… I thought it was a vigorous and very enjoyable fingering, but then thought I’d lost control of my bladder because of what he was doing. Very embarrassing, as you can imagine!

    Now it’s something my boyfriend does a lot and I really enjoy… I always find it easier after I’ve had an orgasm (orgasms and squirting are totally unrelated for me) and often he’ll do it four or five times until the bed is soaked and I’m a gibbering wreck! It’s a massively intense thing, but definitely not anything related to orgasm.

    I feel sorry for the women above, some of you sound like you’re dating assholes who want a squirting trick pony rather than a girlfriend. :(

  • Eroticmidden says:

    Great post, brilliantly written. And kudos for distinguishing between squirting and gushing. My first girlfriend was a gusher and that warm flood over my cock and balls was, up until then, the best feeling I’d ever experienced.

    I was also lucky enough to spend 3 months in an incredibly sexually intense relationship with a girl who squirted, not intentionally and not every time. But when she did, whatever part of my body I had inside her was gripped as though it was held in a vice before jets of whatever it is sprayed out of her. Legs shaking, trembling all over, too sensitive to touch immediately afterwards, the works.

    As incredible as it was to witness and to be part of, it never diminished how great the sex was when it didn’t happen. And, as seems to be a common theme throughout, both girls tended to see it as an impediment to spur of the moment, spontaneous fucking rather than a hot, wet badge of honour.

    And Z, Emma, please accept my apologies on behalf of all the men out there who aren’t complete fuckwits. Some people just don’t deserve to get laid…

  • Cheryl says:

    I’m very happy I found this post today. This weekend with my partner I both gushed and squirted. It’s happened before and usually by accident and takes us both by surprise. My partner loves it and I love that he loves it. Massive turn on for me. I don’t always know it’s going to happen but when I feel it’s going to there are times I can squirt it into his mouth when I’m sitting on his face. He likes it when I stand over him and squirt into his mouth and over his face. I have to stress that this particular event happens rarely.

    This weekend we had a very intense loud fuck and I just gushed and gushed. I love the way it feels when it happens and he loves how it feels when it runs over his balls. I know I certainly couldn’t do it to order, i.e, if he asked me to do it (which he wouldn’t, he would never pressurise me) I couldn’t ‘perform’ on cue like that and he is such an amazing lover he knows that anyway.
    It’s not necessary to our sex life, just a nice added extra sometimes.

    On fucking up against a wall, we have never done that but we have fucked up against his car in a field in Devon at night. That was amazing. No squirting or gushing took place that night but the following week it did in a different field after a frantic fingering sesh on the bonnet of his car. That was the first time it had ever happened.

    On the whole I love it when it happens but even if it doesn’t the sex is always still really, really great.

  • Julie says:

    I can ejaculate if my partner follows an almost text-book style formula (see video). It is hugely pleasurable and enjoyable if in the general frenzy of fucking – but when someone sets out to ‘make you squirt’ it’s kinda just textbook boring!


  • Ciara says:

    I can squirt, but only with clitoral stimulation, and then it’s quite easier. I seem to be very different from the girls above though, I love it! It makes my orgasm so much more satisfactory, and whenever I can’t do it, for whatever reason, it feels almost like hitting a wall and is really frustrating.
    I’m also pretty quiet in bed, so I love the fact I can give my boyfriend some kind of evidence that I orgasmed :)

  • Me says:

    Here is an extract from a website I’ve known for years….

    Why it does not Work…

    by Frank Senne

    The answer to this question is simple, yet complex at the same time. In order not to sound to long-winded, I will restrict myself to listing the major points.

    The G-Spot could be located in all examined women.
    Only about 50% of those women stated that they found the stimulation of the G-Spot to be pleasurable. For many it was simply unpleasant or they did not experience any physical reaction.

    Possible negative influence could be
    Use of a cervical cap for pregnancy prevention.
    Surgical removal of the womb.
    Other gynecological conditions.

    Only part of these women ejaculated said liquid. This did not happen every time, but only during some of the tests.

    Possible negative influences on the ability and frequency of ejaculation could be:
    The ability to actually ejaculate, which does not seem to be present in all women.
    Closeness to the sexual partner (inhibitions).
    Fear of having to urinate and thereby putting off the partner.
    Performance pressure (“I must have an ejaculation, it is expected of me”)..
    Time in the monthly cycle. During the different phases in the monthly cycle of women the ability and frequency of ejaculations appears to vary.
    Use of prescription drugs (many medications influencing the liquid balance of the body may also influence the ability and frequency of ejaculations. This also applies to psychoactive drugs and strong analgesics [pain killers]).

    Generally speaking: Neither women nor men are like coffee makers, for which you can obtain a usually fool-proof operating instruction. Also, readers sometimes like to ignore the statement “that some women ejaculate a liquid”. Some is the magic word and not all.

    And last not least…

    Enjoy your love life and do not make it depend on you success trying to locate the G-Spot. If you were happy and satisfied with your love life before, then there is no reason to start missing something now. There too are enough women that, stimulated clitorally, do not reach climax, but do so every time the are stimulated intravaginally. Should these women start feeling “inadequate” as well now?

    Live your love life, yet always bear in mind, that it must be within the realm of your ability (whether G-Spot orgasms are part of this realm or not). There are already enough sexual frustrations and it is certainly not my aim to add yet another cause (without a cause).

    For more information do feel free to have a look at that site under http://www.senne.net/gs/index.html

  • Great post! Yay, discussion and stories.
    I am one of those mythical women who can squirt, does so regularly and has a good idea of what conditions and techniques are necessary to make it happen.

    The first time it happened with my current partner, I was on the rug on the living room floor, naked. He was naked being all handsome and hard and manly and stuff. And we were doing things, as you do, and there were his fingers in my cunt, doing amazing things, that made me feel fantastic. That went on for a bit, and I felt a pressure building and the need for him to take his fingers out, so I asked and he did. At which point, I kid you not, I squirted an arc of come that went about a foot in the air and two feet away. I had my eyes closed so missed the spectacle but apparently it was the hottest thing he had ever seen a woman do in front of him.

    Obviously, this led to further experimentation over the course of weeks and months to see if it could be replicated, which it can.

    Unfortunately, as you say, pressure to perform is a boner-killer. Sometimes he forgets himself, and it seems like he wants me to squirt rather than have fun. Further discussion though revealed that the only reason he focuses on it is because he knows I’ve had great sex with him when it happens. This ignores the body language that answers the “good sex?” question. i.e. Kitty’s point a.

    Kitty’s point b is also spot on – squirting requires a good thick towel (those microfibre travel towels are also excellent for the purpose) which means LOTS of laundry – which I end up doing because 9 times out of 10 we’re at my house. This I do not like. I also recommend using copious amounts of Febreeze on your mattress before vacating rental properties.

  • Second hand story so apologies if it’s apocryphal (though I trust the guy who related it to me).

    He had a girlfriend at one point who was fascinated by the idea of squirting and tried to teach herself… whilst having sex with my friend… and didn’t tell him.
    Unfortunately, I think she had read the myth of it being an expulsion of a small quantity of urine and so, in the midst of a bout of furious love-making with her on top, she managed to completely empty her bladder on him.

    What’s the old saying, forewarned is forearmed?

  • Sarah says:

    Interesting topic, and some interesting information. I’ve never been able to find any evidence of me having a g-spot. Nothing that feels different to the rest of it, although positions that put pressure on the front wall do feel amazing.

    Recently, twice, I had my ankles tied to the bedposts above my head and, while fucking, had the sensation that I might pee myself. I freaked out both times and lost it, but wondered if it might be the beginnings of a squirt. It’s not something I know much about, really – where it comes from or what it is, but next time hubby is away I will take the vibrator that’s still in it’s packaging and see what I can do (we’ve been too busy with other stuff since I bought it!).

    Off to do some research! The above info is interesting as I do have gynae issues and take a lot of morphine so of I have the ability it might be suppressed.

  • Sarah says:

    Erm, I think it just happened.

    Husband is away so I decided to sneak my new vibrator out of the sex box (I bought us a load of stuff from Love Honey but we haven’t used any of it yet – we’re not really fussed about toys). Honestly I haven’t used a vibrator since I met my husband – or masturbated when alone, if I’m honest. He keeps me satisfied, and we are together all day long so randiness is just solved by sex.

    Anyway, I had a clitoral orgasm and then inserted it, to see if I could get a reaction from my g-spot. It all felt good, but nothing felt better than anything else. After a few minutes of that, I decided just to finish off with another clitoral orgasm, and as I was coming I realised there was fluid pouring out of me – I’m not sure if there was any actual squirting (I was a bit distracted and under the duvet). I am now staring in disbelief at a massive wet patch.

    I’m 32 and have never, ever flooded or squirted – ever. I have very fulfilling sex and have never really had any reaction to g spot stimulation – I’ve found it, but nothing really happens. I’ve has a vibrator before but this never happened.

    I know my husband is going to be a bit put out that I’ve been wanking (he’s somewhere where he can’t, and in this situation we both tend to let the frustration build into him absolutely destroying me when he gets home), but I really want to tell him. Sadly, he’s busy doing sombre things and I’ll have to wait!

    If it can happen to me for the first time at 32, I’m sure it can happen later in life for lots of others. The thing that tipped me off that something might have changed down there is that, during certain positions, I have the slight sensation of needing to pee which I’ve never had before. I’m pretty sure, if I work on it, I could surprise my husband with it during sex.

    Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t tell him after all!

  • advizor54 says:

    I’m not going to weigh in on the can she/can’t she debate but I’ve made my wife gush a couple of times it was great for her, but not that much different than a regular orgasm

    I will say, however, that we get sex so rarely now that if we had to deal with changing sheets, wiping down the wall, and showering after each orgasm then we’d never have sex. The sexiest bit for me when a woman squirts in a porn clip is not the squirting itself, but the convulsions that often accompany it that reflect the power of the orgasm. I remember seeing Cytheria (Sp?) squirt for the 1st time, she was cumming so hard that it exhausted her by the end. That was sex. The mess was less so.

    And, the sense of obligation to try, try, try is a burdern and takes the fun out of sex, it’s very much like trying to get pregnant. I loved having sex more when we were trying to concieve, but after a couple of cycles it was on the calendar and just another chore, a fun one, but still something that had to be checked off the list.

    Exploration should be fun and stress free. Don’t make any of it a burden.

  • Hillary says:

    Up against the wall – with extras.

    I don’t see why you cannot make this happen – it is not as though you are XXL; XT perhaps, but nothing that a little ingenuity cannot fix.
    Your boy is going to have to “phone a friend” then, with one in front and one behind, they should certainly be able to support you and (hopefully) fuck you backwards and forwards like the middle ball in a Newton’s Cradle. Human Anatomy being what it is (i.e. not very accommodating) it probably won’t work, but I’ll wager you could have a lot of fun trying.

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