Recently I listened to a Radio 4 Programme on Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies, and it was both fascinating and frustrating. Fascinating because the people interviewed were so forthright and eloquent about their relationships, and frustrating because the presenter seemed so knee-jerk horrified with the idea of a relationship that was up-front about finance and sex, that she didn’t really engage with what the interviewees were saying. I wanted to blog about it, but in this case I’d much rather publish someone’s real life experience than my own rambles.
So I was delighted when this guest blogger (she’d prefer to remain anonymous) got in touch with me, and mentioned that she’d heard the programme too. Here she explains what she gets out of being a sugar baby, and how she became a sex worker…
How I inadvertently became a sex worker
Okay, let me preface this with a fundamental fact about myself: I’m submissive. I don’t mean that I can’t stick up for myself, I mean that an intrinsic part of my sexuality is getting off on male desire. That sounds like a basic concept, surely we all do right? But it means that if my man wants to pin me down, slap my tits, use and abuse me then the more so the better. Nothing satisfies me sexually more than being a good girl.
And before you get worried about me, please don’t. I’m also a strong intelligent articulate woman who doesn’t suffer fools, nor do I sleep with everyone who wants me. In fact, quite the opposite; it’s hard to find someone whom I know stands a chance of satisfying me sexually. I need a dominant alpha male, and trying to find one who’s not a prick is a whole other article (young subs can suffer terribly before they identify what they need and how to spot it in potential mates).
So, I recently found myself single for the first time in a long time. All the usual things happened – men I was acquainted with asked me for my number, long term friends declared their undying love, and I was left feeling a little overwhelmed and disappointed in man(read: male)-kind.
And then my friend Dawn suggested I try a Sugar Daddy website. She had used one years before and said she had had a ton of fun and it’d helped her find the type of man she went for (she used uniform dating as well, clever girl!). My interest was definitely piqued.
Next thing a link to a podcast pops up in my twitter feed detailing one of these Sugar Daddy sites. It was actually a damning exposé on pseudo-prostitution, but I could read between the lines – A Sugar Daddy is an older, successful man who wants a young woman in his life for ‘fun and spoiling’. I signed up to it as I was listening to the article!
And boy was I not disappointed. Older alpha males poured into my inbox. It took a few days to really get going but I ended up using the site for about 7 days total before I had all I could ever want.
And what that was was a total of 4 men who wanted ‘arrangements’ with me who I was happy with.
Mark wants a meeting every Monday in a hotel 20 minutes from where I live for £200 a week. Dean wants me every Thursday (he’s an hours drive away). Richard wants me whenever I’m in London, and I’m yet to sort out money with him but I know he’ll spoil me if I ask him to. Finally there’s Jay who is kinky as fuck, a real Mr Grey who wants to do what he wants to me for £150 a week. He’s my favourite sexually. Mark I wouldn’t have sex with if he wasn’t paying me. Dean wants a relationship and I text him every day, and he spoils me so much; we agreed £250 a week but he’s always gone way over that.
I’ve not been doing this for long and at the moment it is very addictive. Being wanted and fulfilled sexually is liberating, and the money has changed my life – or rather not having to worry about money anymore has made my daily life so much better, like lifting a weight off my shoulders.
I am putting money away for a PhD and I have plenty of time and space to live my own life.
I’m not recommending it, I’m just trying to give a balanced view. If you’re going to try it yourself be prepared. Know in advance what you want to get out of it – money, a relationship, kink or vanilla, it’s all there if you want it. And be prepared for your first encounter. The first time I saw Dean naked I thought “I’m being paid for this” and it was not a nice feeling. But he’s such a lovely guy, it didn’t take me long to get my head around it – the money may have led me to sleep with someone I’d never have imagined sleeping with, but giving someone new a chance certainly broadens your horizons.
I saw a post on twitter where a woman said that being a sex worker makes her more available to men – if they can afford it they are in with more of a chance than if they were just some guy and she just some girl. I agree with this, but nevertheless I’m not about to actually tell anybody where my sudden financial stability has come from! Double standard, I know. :/
I’m not sure what the future holds. Right now I can’t imagine stopping doing this. I know that the site is there whenever I need it. In terms of real life relationships, it’s different for me because the normal guys I meet can’t do it for me sexually anyway. Having lots of friends means I’m not lonely, and emotionally I’m solid with or without being in a relationship. I am however getting very close to a female friend of mine (Kim) and if we start dating I can’t imagine I’ll tell her what I do. I predict some juggling there. But I find myself increasingly longing to curl up with her and play with her hair and show her love and affection. To take care of her…
But we shall see. I hope I can pull it all off without anybody getting hurt. My biggest worries are Dean finding out he’s not the only one and Kim finding out what I do.
I’m sure lots of you reading this will think the whole thing sounds crazy, but whatever I’ve done with my life there’s been people who have said that. If you’re thinking of getting out there and doing the same, get on seekingarrangement.com and make it work for you (I also tried SugarDaddy.com but just ended up with lots of old guys sending me pics of their penis). Just make sure you’re prepared. And make your peace with the fact that men are going to pay you for sex. It’ll certainly change your life.