On thongs, french knickers, and everything in between

Image by the awesome Stuart F Taylor

Like a friendly wedding DJ, I’m always happy to take requests. The most recent one came from a gentleman who emailed me to ask about thongs. Specifically he asked if I could write about them in-depth, presumably so that he could read the entry with one hand down his own pants and an eager smile on his face.

Problem is, I’m personally not that bothered about thongs. I discovered them when I was younger and – initially – I was a huge fan. I had exactly the kind of arse that looks brilliant in them, and to be honest a decent thong frames someone’s bum in a beautiful minimalist way – slim fabric tracing the line of their crack and curving round the top of each buttock like a ribbon decorating a present. Lovely.

Thongs as sex wear

Unfortunately, my ‘oh God thongs are so hot’ phase clashed horribly with my ‘wearing corduroy trousers that were always a size too big for me’ phase. This led to some deeply hot moments – a mate picking me up, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me across a bowling alley while the then Love Of My Life looked on and bit his lip with poorly-disguised lust.

When we got home the first thing he did was shove both hands down the back of my trousers and gulp “I’ve been wanting to do that ever since. I just want to fucking bite you.”

But these hot moments were greatly outnumbered by the not-so-hot ones. Catty whispers from people nearby when they noticed the slim fabric line peeking out of the top of my trousers. Guys who thought they were breaking new comedy ground by slipping their fingers beneath the fabric and twanging it like giggling schoolchildren.

The guy who emailed me to ask about thongs made very specific mention of the fact that he thinks they’re especially hot on ‘corporate’ girls. By which I can only imagine he means ‘women who work in offices and generally dress in suits.’ Apparently the tantalising glimpse of thong fabric is especially good when it appears above smart trousers, ideally in a meeting of some sort.

Sadly I can’t really see the appeal in this. I struggle in an office environment anyway – the clothes are uncomfortable, and always coupled with a dread that I’m not quite professional enough – not polished enough. The idea of colleagues also spotting the line of my knickers poking out the top of my smart skirt sends shivers down my spine. I’ll put this down to the aforementioned childish knicker-twangers: selfish twats who’ve ruined thongs for me forever. Not to mention that a bit of the credit should go to men who leer openly at women they work with, as if their boners are as normal an addition to an office environment as photocopy paper or unnecessary spreadsheets.

The sexiest knickers

Still, the absence of thongs does not mean that I never put on a new pair of knickers and say ‘oh God that’s great’. Although I don’t have quite all the gorgeous knickers I want – I’d love a pair of caged-back ribbon knickers, in case anyone’s planning Christmas gifts this early and wants a massive hint. But I have got a fair few pairs that make me feel awesome as soon as I pull them up to my waist. Here are my top three.

French lace knickers

These give excellent bum coverage, while still being shaped nicely enough that they make my arse look excellent. Bought from Primark for about a quid, they’ve been jizzed on, shoved into my mouth, pushed to the side for easy-access quick-entry hard sex, why – they even featured in one of these blogposts a couple of years ago – I’ve definitely had my money’s worth.

Boy shorts

I don’t understand why underwear must be so gendered – I love wearing boxers designed for guys just as much as many guys I know love the silky feel of a pair of well-made knickers. But still – ‘boy shorts’ that are designed for girls do give an excellent level of comfort, and they also cover just enough that I can wear them around the house with just a t-shirt – tantalising the boy with occasional glimpses of the bottom of my arse cheeks without terrifying the neighbours into buying new blinds.

Burlesque ruffle pants

These are pants designed to make your bum look bigger, and they are so stunning that I often put them on just when I want to have a wank – bent over in front of a mirror so I can imagine someone coming all over the back of them. I have occasionally been known to change into them before a guy comes round, so that when I let him in I can just lie on the bed and wait for his inevitable ‘mmmm…’


  • Molly says:

    I love the lace boy shorts, there is something about the combination/contrast of the cut and the delicate lace that just appeals to me… they feel sexy and in my mind they look sexy and so that equals a sexy Molly. I have a undies draw that is quite literally over flowing and yet more often than not I am not wearing any…. however that has not resulted in my buying them any less.


    • Girl on the net says:

      Haha – my underwear drawer is in a similar state of overflowing. I actually wear knickers all the time, and very rarely go without – I have a real thing for my knickers being taken off, and generally always want to start a shag as clothed as possible, because I just love making him take off my clothes. But yes, gorgeous underwear is a bit addictive =) x

  • seaside slut says:

    I completely agree with your choices, those are very sexy underthings. Loathe thongs and can’t understand why the feeling of having a permanent wedgie is described by some as ‘so comfortable!’

  • Juniper3 says:

    Thongs are very 90’s I think. Something with full buttock coverage but which is sheer is sexier in my book.

    Or something plain that screams ‘I wasn’t planning to be fucking you but I am’.

  • Ladypandorah says:

    Utterly with you on disliking the thong! I, too, went through that G-string/thong phase but I will never wear them now. I want to be comfortable! There’s fewer things worse, for me, as when I’m trying to be all alluring and stuff and I have to reach around to sort out the most painful of wedgies!

    French knickers are the best.

    (Who now knows that caged knickers are now an alternative term for what she’s previously referred to as her ‘spanking knickers’)

  • R says:

    With trying to be sexy, visually, I have a rule where if I’m completely physically uncomfortable with no way round it, then it’s a no-go, and thongs fall under that camp for me. So uncomfortable to wear I’ll happily sacrifice the few stares I might get from wearing them in favour of some big old granny pants.

    I prefer something frilly and only ever-so-slightly revealing, like everyone’s saying; a hint of something more to come. And yes, I need spanking knickers, too…

  • I.L. says:

    Well, GOTN, unlike most gendered divisions the one regarding underwear is fairly sensible and I’ll tell you why. First there’s the whole in the front of boys’ underwear that helps with giving our cocks a way out of their tight confines when they get all big and hard. I went on a date a few weeks ago wherein I was wearing some new boxers and I popped a boner that couldn’t get out of my underwear and when I took them off my cock was half-covered in fabric that it had torn off from the inside of my underwear. This is especially important at night when men often pop boners while asleep. The hole also helps making pissing standing up easier, of course.

    Boys’ underwear is also generally roomier than girls’ stuff to give our balls some room to keep the 2 degrees Fahrenheit cooler than the rest of the body that the balls need to function properly and to not feel uncomfortable. It is for this reason that I have no idea why any man still buys and wears tighty-whiteys. Seriously guys, you’ve got to respect your body and, more importantly, switching to boxers or going commando will make you feel loads better and your better-functioning nuts will allow to cum harder and more often.

    That said, I really don’t understand why boys’ underwear is almost never comfortable silk nor why boys’ underwear are never sexy or creative. I’ve never seen crotchless underwear, lacey underwear, cage-style underwear, nor even thong-like underwear for men (although this last one might be explain by the fact that wedgies are much worse for men.)

    I suppose that this is another extension of the generally extremely-limited variety of socially-acceptable dress for men here in the west. Women are privileged that they can wear any fancy, lovely, colorful article of clothing that they like (or any drab piece they like) without being called “gay” or “tranny” or being mistaken for a pimp which sometimes leads one to being harassed by the cops. Now, of course, women also get called “slut” when they wear the socially incorrect clothes but there are many more incorrect clothes for men than for women.

    It amazes me sometimes how we judge people for the most silly arbitrary stuff. Hopefully one day we will transcend our tribalisitic, evolved instincts and solve all these unnecessary human problems. We’ve been doing pretty well so far with our increasingly diverse modern societies.

    … I can scarcely believe that I just went from underpants to the root of unnecessary human problems…

  • R says:

    While the gentleman find girls wearing thongs sexy in the ultimate way, he considers it rude to twang the strings. It is an affront to women. Ogling will be good enough for one’s satisfaction.

    Ang ogle shall he.

  • am with y’all on the thongs…so friggin uncomfortable. I actually rock some cute pink y-fronts from a really organic fair tradey website, but when I have a first time sex date I am a calvin kleins with metal stud at the back kinda girl (sorry I dont mean to be doing advertising just trying to be helpful) but lets be honest…how many times have you really put thought into what underwear you are going to go for, only for the guy to totally not even care. I swear, fuck la perla, just wear your dads shorts. its fine.

  • Raphaele says:

    Never got the thong thing, always found them uncomfortable for some reason. At the moment I’m into French and boys shorts. American Apparel do “unisex” shorts, the boyish design and faux fly look brilliant in so called girly colours, like bright pink for instance.

  • Sarah says:

    I bought a fucking gorgeous pair recently from Lovehoney. They are basically black lace crotchless shorts (but not the kind of crotchless where you can see they are from the front). There’s ribbon lacing at the back (can’t open them but it looks hot) plus suspender clips attached. I surprised the husband with these and an open cup bra, a pair of stockings and very high heels and he went nuts (at one point while he was fucking me, I had to hold on to my heels and I got punished – usually a good slap – every time I “accidentally” let go, which was a lot). There’s something very hot about fucking with all your underwear still on – and shoes.

    I got another bra and thong set that have lots of straps. I feel really lumpy and fat and a bit humiliated in them – so naturally he will love them, haven’t work them yet.

    My problem is that I’m a curvy hour glass 12-14, but my hips are my widest part and I always have to buy bigger paints. Sex site pants usually come in stupid sizes (8-14, 16-22) as if they would fit all but very selected women (I bought a one size 8-16 schoolgirl outfit and it’s just way too small – cue depression). These look gorgeous though.

    Weirdly I think his favourite set are from Asda! Black and white polka dot satin with black lace trim, balconette bra I spill out of, and little shorts that are all lace and totally sheer at the back. He loves them.

  • Peter Ogilvie says:

    I have to wholly agree with the thong comments, tight boy shorts are much sexier on the majority of women, , whereas very few women look good in a thong. I much prefer the tighter knickers to the French loose stylie too. Knickers don’t need to be expensive to be hot !!!

  • Kinky Lad says:

    I personally love wearing the male thong, hate boxers or jockey shorts, found great brand has cup for junk to fit in nicely, personally love feel of them both thong and bikini brief style.

    Love thong on females as well but do like other styles that show off some of sexy ass or high cut around crotch.

  • I just LOVE wearing full brief black knickers every day and night. It is such a lovely feeling being in soft, stretchy smooth clingy knickers, Mmmmmmm.

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