You can keep your restaurants and posh jewellery, in my house we’re playing Valentine’s Day sex games. While I’d love to be super aloof and pretend it’s because traditional romance is beneath me, the fact is that my partner and I just really like playing sex games. If offered a romantic candlelit meal, we’d far rather use those candles for something more depraved. Depending on whether it arrives in time, I’m hoping my own Valentine’s Day will be spent getting acquainted with a brand new fuck machine. If it doesn’t arrive in time, no harm done. We’ll probably be doing one of the following things instead…
[All links in this post go to companies which either sponsor my site or from which I make a small cut of money if you buy their products. I am only recommending you products I either own myself and love, or think look cool enough that I’d happily spend my own cash on them. And I only write these posts because it turns out they’re surprisingly popular: my sponsor round-up wank fantasies post was one of the most read in 2019. This is nice for me cos it gives me an excuse to do the commercial stuff without worrying I’ll be boring you. It’s less of a ‘gift guide’ and more an ‘excuse to tell you about some sexy ideas, while also reminding you that my sponsors exist and you should consider buying from them to help support my site.’ Anyway. Enough waffle: onto the shagging]
Valentine’s Day sex ideas
Be super cute
I am not naturally a very ‘cute’ person: I’m 5’11”, with a penchant for big stampy boots and loud, intensely sexual anecdotes. So ‘cute’ isn’t a word you could apply to me very easily. The benefit of this, though, is that when I occasionally make forays into cuteness, my other half (himself a big fan of women-wearing-cute-t-shirts-but-naked-from-the-waist-down) will sport an instant delighted boner and want to ravish me on sight.
First Valentine’s Day sex idea: take an aspect of your persona that you rarely get to explore, and try it out. You might want to try buying a cute dildo filled with sparkly hearts, or a frilly lingerie set that’s nothing like the plain black you’d usually go for. If you think there are aspects of yourself that rarely get to come out to play, a Valentine’s Day sex date is a great opportunity to open the door to them a little.
If I were doing this, I’d don a lingerie set that was either white or pink, combined with soft-toned make-up and bubblegum lip gloss. When he decided it was time to tear the lingerie off and push me face down onto the bed, he’d find me already filled with a cute butt plug – ideally in a shade that matches my lips and knickers.
Sparkly/cute dildos and butt plugs filled with hearts, from Godemiche. Use code GOTN for 15% off.
Set of bra and mini skirt, white with black lace, from Eva Amour. Use code GOTN for 10% off.
G-world neon pink strappy teddy set, from Eva Amour. Use code GOTN for 10% off.
Be super scary
Yeah, we’re doing this one, because naturally my inclinations run towards the BDSM-y. If you and/or your partner have a penchant for pain, how about grabbing something you’ve been meaning to try out for a while, and spending a night getting acquainted with it?
Pick up an ElectraStim AXIS and set it to respond to sound, then insert an ElectraStim butt plug or dildo, and tie your partner up in such a way that their face is near the AXIS unit. Your task then is to make them make noises which trigger the unit to send tingles of electricity through their sexy bits. What I enjoy about this (because yes, I do own an AXIS of my own, I am a very fancy sex person) is that it’s simultaneously challenge and reward. If you manage to set the intensity juuuust right then the person who is tied gets that delicious tense/horny anticipation of the shock, and the psychological thrill of feeling like they have to hold their breath and work quite hard to avoid it, but when the shock actually comes it’s fun enough that their first instinct is to go ‘ooh, gimme more…’
That’s how I like to do it, anyway.
If you can’t afford an AXIS, there are cheaper ways to rig up this sexy predicament: download a free or cheap decibel meter app, pick up some punishment tools, and let your sub know that if their squeaks go above a certain level they will definitely be for it.
ElectraStim AXIS – use GOTN for 10% off
If you’d like to get into e-stim in a cheaper way, check out the Flick Pack which is under £100. My sex blogging pal Zebra Rose Sub has just written an astonishingly hot account of her first time with a Flick Pack so head to her blog for temptation and links.
Komodo dildo from ElectraStim – use GOTN for 10% off
Silicone noir rocker butt plug from ElectraStom – Use GOTN for 10% off
Silicone paddle from SexToys – Use GOTN20 for 20% off
Bamboo spanking paddle from SexToys – Use GOTN20 for 20% off
Have a matching fuck
Ever since I first laid eyes (and anus) on the Doxy butt plugs, I have enjoyed the idea that buying one of each makes for a matching ‘His n Hers’ set. Or Hers n Hers. Or His and Theirs. You know the drill. If there are two of you, why not grab two of these? Life is short and we have to cram it with as much joy as possible before we shuffle off this mortal coil, so if you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone who is just as enamoured of anal play as you are, why not do it while wearing matching butt plugs?
Ribbed metal butt plug from Doxy – use GOTN15 for 15% off and free shipping
Smooth metal butt plug from Doxy – use GOTN15 for 15% off and free shipping
This has recently become a bit of a Thing for my partner and I. He enjoys browsing for sexy lingerie, I help him whittle the shortlist down from ‘literally everything because it’s all modelled by women who look exceptional into it’ to ‘outfits I reckon I can pull off without feeling silly’, and then he’ll order a few delights and we’ll have fun playing dress-up.
This is double the fun if you’re roughly the same size, and so each of you gets to try on every different item you buy, before performing tag-team stripteases on each other while a playlist of your favourite fucksongs thuds in the background.
Slinky black peignoir from Eva Amour – use GOTN10 for 10% off
Garter belt and knickers from Eva Amour – use GOTN10 for 10% off
Wide-net fishnet bodystocking from SexToys – use GOTN20 for 20% off WHY HAS MY PARTNER NEVER BOUGHT ME ONE OF THESE HINT HINT HINT
First one to orgasm is a loser
OK, so it doesn’t actually sound that fun when I title it like it’s a playground game, but trust me this is a fun way to play if you enjoy edging. Grab yourself a couple of hands-free sex toys – i.e. ones which can be sat upon, held in place, or strapped to someone’s dick – and then fire up a playlist of your favourite erotic material. It might be (shameless plug) some audio porn, or perhaps a few of your favourite videos. The game is to see how long each of you can hold out for, with a prize for the winner and a punishment for the loser.
If I were doing this, I’d run it a little bit like Sex Challenge Magic, where each of us got to pick before we begin what we’d like our prize to be (Him: my prize is I get you to finish me off with your mouth. Me: My prize is that you finish me off with dildos and that new bullet vibe I really like) and also what we’d like the other person’s punishment to be (Me: Your punishment is that you have to make me cocktails whenever I ask for them for the rest of the evening. Him: Your punishment is that if you lose that big butt plug is going in your ass). Once you’ve done that, you both settle down in front of the hottest erotic material you can find, and edge yourself until you’re as close as you can get without ever actually coming.
You can play this game the other way round too, if you like, where it turns into something a little more like a race: first one to orgasm wins, and the second one is left – bereft and orgasmless – to squirm and hump and whine and plead until the other gives in and sorts them out.
Ruby Glow hands-free vibrator from Ruby Glow – use GOTN for £5 off yours
PULSE hands-free dick vibrator from Hot Octopuss [Buy one get one free sale on all their toys till 10th Feb – no code needed]
JETT hands-free dick vibrator from Hot Octopuss [Buy one get one free sale on all their toys till 10th Feb – no code needed]
Naturally other audio porn sources other than my own exist – Literotica has a tonne of cool audio sex stories if you fancy having a browse of theirs for some wankspiration.
If you’re feeling fancy and want to fire up some VR while you do this (though I imagine most homes don’t have two VR headsets, you could still play this game with the addition of the stopwatch app on your phone) – head to the Sex Tech Guide for the latest deals on VR porn as well as info on how to get it working on whatever tech you have to hand. Also check out this recent guest blog for what I think might be my favourite ever VR sex story.
Tell me your Valentines Day sex ideas…
If you have any other ideas for excellent Valentines Day sex games, please do drop them into the comments. If your thing sounds fun, maybe I’ll try it out and then write about it, like with that eye contact challenge that someone suggested to me on Patreon. As I mentioned at the start of the post: we really really like sex games.