In the course of my electro sex adventures, I have had a lot of ups and downs. Mainly ups, naturally, because electro sex toys open the doorway to plenty of intriguing sexual adventures that wouldn’t be possible without this specialist equipment. Click on the link in the first sentence for a few examples, or feel free to just imagine me writhing naked on a wooden bench while a lightning storm rages outside, and my partner zaps my cunt while cackling eagerly like a horny Dr Frankenstein. The downs (those moments when electro sex toys don’t do exactly what I expect them to) are mostly caused by me forgetting the golden rule of electro sex. So as I write up my latest adventure – fucking an electric dildo – I thought I’d take the opportunity to properly explain this golden rule.

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People often ask me for sex toy recommendations, so in this wildly boring but nevertheless helpful post, I’m going to tell you the top sex toys I’d save if my house was burning down and I only had time to grab a few. The main reason for me writing this post is because I am short of both content and cash, but I appreciate that sex toy recommendations are far less interesting than stories about having dildo orgies or watching my other half do a sexy genderfuck striptease. So here’s my offer: I will tell you about the best sex toys I own (i.e. the ones I use most often), you go buy them if you want, I’ll get some money, and then on Sunday I’ll publish some Halloween erotica story that isn’t trying to sell you anything at all. Deal? OK.

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The fuckstick makes him feel powerful, he tells me. A fuckstick, in case you were wondering, is quite literally a dildo on a stick – a fat blue silicone cock moulded, in this case, onto just over a metre of solid wooden handle, with a leather grip at the other end. Thanks to my site sponsors Godemiche for sending me this wand of wonder. It’s a sex toy that invites dominance. It oozes power. The very act of holding it makes his lip curl upwards in a dominant sneer, and allows him the confidence to issue me strict instructions: “Bend over.”

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Intimidation is hard to distinguish from excitement, especially when the two so often come hand in hand. That look you shoot me which says ‘you’re in trouble’ can sometimes make the blood drain from my face, tricking me into thinking I’m afraid, before the flood converges in my beating crotch, reminding me that this only happens because I really really want it to.

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We’ve all heard that old saying “Don’t have anything in your home that you don’t know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” Happily, when it comes to dildos, you don’t need to choose between practicality and prettiness: you can have both. In which case… how do you choose the best dildo to add to your collection?

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