It’s about eleven at night on Sunday, the last day of Eroticon. I’ve had a long weekend and I really, really REALLY should be in bed. But I am not in bed just yet because I am staring, mesmerised and open-mouthed, at a picture of my other half’s big hard dick. Such a good picture. It’s so hard I can almost see it throbbing through the screen. Shiny and tight and solid and holy fuck all that good stuff. Much like the time I watched him wank in the shower, I am unable to tear my eyes away from this beautiful, beautiful thing. I am undone.
You don’t have to be super-hard to turn me on, but super-hardness does turn me on. The kind of hardness where you can see the skin of your cock stretched – taut and aching. In the picture he showed me he had his hand wrapped gently round it – touching it so softly with his fingertips, like he’d hurt himself if he squeezed with any more pressure on his aching erection.
So now I have to talk to you about the ATOM Plus cock ring, which is the thing that made him this hard. And it’s going to be a difficult one because this might at some point drift off into a sex toy review – and I’d rather it didn’t. I work for Hot Octopuss, so I’m biased. And they sponsor my site, so I’m double-biased. But that doesn’t mean they don’t make awesome stuff, and it’d be weird if I deliberately avoided writing about something that gave me so much joy. So let’s begin.
ATOM PLUS: a cock ring that favours the bold
It’s been a while since I used a cock ring. I’m not entirely sure why, because they make dicks look super-shiny-hard, the way they do in some of my filthiest fantasies (like this one about butter for lube).
Brief rest break while GOTN goes to her bunk and masturbates frantically to the thought of this.
Anyway – it’s been a while since I used a cock ring. So when I first took the ATOM Plus out, charged it, and went to place it carefully on my partner’s dick, I stumbled across a minor problem: I couldn’t get it on. It’s designed to go not just round the base of the cock but also the balls – there are two motors inside it, and one of them sits on the top of the shaft so I can grind against it for clit stim, while the other sits just behind the balls to pack some serious power in the perineum region. So far, so exciting. But when I went to slip it over his cock and balls, I couldn’t quite get the balls to go in it.
Now. Before I go any further let me tell you a little insidey secret of the sex industry: when you recommend sex toys (or make sex toys) for penises, there will be a small sub-set of people who contact you to tell you that their dick simply doesn’t fit in whatever you’ve made. It’s certainly a problem for some people, who have been given gigantic penises and are understandably annoyed that they can’t use the latest gadgets. However, given how many people get in touch with me to tell me this when I talk about dick toys, and the subsequent questions/conversations I have had with them when I’ve tried to explain how to fit something on, it sometimes feels like a couple of them are only doing it to boast about how huge their cocks are.
I contemplated emailing my colleagues at Hot Octopuss asking for some tips on how to get the ATOM Plus on, and then repeatedly failed to actually hit ‘send’ because I didn’t want to be one of those people who sounded like they were just emailing to boast.
“Hey gang! Turns out my boyfriend’s dick is really massive. Can you help at all?”
Not a strong look. And besides, his dick is pretty exceptional, but it is not so gargantuan that I would expect a sex toy company not to have considered him as a use case, if you see what I mean.
Luckily, I got the chance to chat to the Hot Octopuss team at Eroticon, and thanks to some very helpful tips I now understand a bit better how to get it on. If you’re in the same boat, here goes:
- The ATOM cock ring will stretch a LOT further than you think it will. Do not be timid: be bold. Stretch that fucker out like it’s your last tenner in the week before payday.
- It’s easier to put it on sideways. Turn the cock ring sideways, drop yourself in (easier if you’re flaccid or flaccid-ish, natch) and then pull and stretch from each side.
- It can be easier if you pull your balls through – get part of the scrotum through, then pull from one side and push from the other.
SORTED. And in fact, having harvested these handy tips and then run off home with them ready to burst out of my mouth, I arrived at my house to find my partner had already managed to successfully do it himself.
Hence the photo.
He actually showed me the photo late on Saturday night, when I was sleep-deprived and shaky and a bit of a mess. He reached for his phone and showed me the picture because he knows that nothing will calm me when I’m anxious quite like a picture of a rock-solid, shiny dick. It’s just one of those little things you learn about someone when you’ve known them a long time, and when they’ve repeatedly told you how much they love big hard dick.
What’s the ATOM PLUS like for wanking?
I actually don’t know what it’s like for wanking, because I don’t have a penis, but I can tell you two things:
- My partner is usually a bit mumbly/noncommittal about the sex toys that I bring home to him (I KNOW, what an ungrateful twat). Aside from a few really stand-out things, most of them will get a few uses and then only get brought out while I’m with him to press the buttons and simultaneously show him my tits.
- I get the very strong impression that once he’d learned how to use the ATOM PLUS it was all he did for the entire rest of the weekend.
What’s the ATOM PLUS like for shagging?
I’m meant to be a sexy writer, and as a consequence you’d probably expect me to have a much better seduction technique than just blurting out “please can you fuck me with your big hard dick?”, but you would be wrong. After five full minutes of staring at the picture he had taken for me, I asked for the aforementioned big hard dick, and we got down to it.
A brief word to penis-wielding folks who want to make the most of a powerfully vibrating cock ring: you may need to dial down the thrusting. I am personally a big fan of vigorous thrusting during sex – getting pounded like you’re hammering in nails is very much My Cup Of Tea. However, if you’re wearing a vibrating cock ring the technique you use to get the most out of it might have to change a little from what you’re used to. For me, at any rate, there needs to be a lot more grinding and a lot less thrusting. After all, the lovely folks at Hot Octopuss have gone to a quite extraordinary amount of trouble (literally – they had to invent a whole new way to put wires in sex toys and then patent it for safe keeping) to make sure that the motors in the cock ring deliver super-powerful vibrations, so you want to maximise contact with those motors to make the most of them. Basically what I’m saying is you have to be on-the-ball with your sexual comms, because different techniques may be required.
Technique-wise, ours no doubt would have looked pretty simple to outside observers: my other half lay on top of me on the sofa, bighardshiny dick stretching me out and filling me up, and I lay beneath him gripping his hips with my feet and his back with my hands and just … sort of … squirming underneath him. He occasionally started moving from grinding towards thrusting, at which point I let out a weird half-shriek-half-wail like a very sad banshee, until he stopped thrusting and let me grind again. It was probably a little odd for him to have to stay mostly still, when normally he does so much of the work during sex that I’ve felt embarrassed by my own laziness, but it worked. And by ‘worked’ I mean ‘I came really hard’, which right now is the way we both measure our sex because I’ve struggled with orgasms for a while.
And once I was done with my squirming and squealing and coming really hard, he took on thrusting and came quite hard too. In fact one of the potential massive benefits of this cock ring is it makes it so easy for me to come that I can almost certainly use it to get back into the swing of timing it so we both come at once: I can grind, then as I get close and let him know I’m about to get there, he can begin fucking me like I’m in trouble and then spaff just as my cunt starts to clench.
And if I ever get to the point where my junk becomes bored of the vibrations of the ATOM cock ring, I have a back-up plan to ensure it can keep on giving me orgasms for an even longer time right afterwards. I’m going to print out that picture – the one of his taut, shiny, big hard dick – in full colour on a giant poster, in exquisite and beautiful detail.
And then stick it to the bedroom ceiling.
Should you buy this sex toy? If this were a review I would say yes. But it’s not, so I’m just going to say ‘do what you want’ and we’ll let that be the end of it. If you’d like to, you can grab it from my sponsor Hot Octopuss directly (I get kudos and a small percentage from them if you do). Or buy it from your friendly neighbourhood sex shop where you can walk in and hold it so you can see how powerful the motors are for yourself. This isn’t one of those shitty cock rings with a tiny, buzzy bullet embedded somewhere in it: it’s a proper bit of kit. The price reflects this (£69 – nice – for the ATOM and £89 for the ATOM Plus), but see above bit re: 10% discount and the fact that it’s a powerful bit of kit.