This week’s sexy link roundup/SoSS post features two posts that got me thinking a LOT and one post that inspired me to have a really lovely wank. Check out the posts below, and click on the headlines to read the full pieces.
Anxiety is a massive twat. I hate it, and I hate that I have a kind of love-hate with it, where I’ve convinced myself that some of the things it does for me (making me anxiously check and plan and re-check and re-plan) can sometimes be useful. It rarely ever is.
In this post, Kayla talks to her own anxiety, and gets to the heart of why it can sometimes choke you into total inaction.
“Double checking myself so often it looks like I never make a mistake. You also make me want to curl up into a ball and hide when the mistake gets made anyway. There you are, convincing me I can prevent all fuck-ups even when I know that’s not true.”
Wendy, who writes at TheWenchWorks, has written a great post on what happens when private kinks become public, and the ways in which the kink community talks about them.
“When it comes to our kinks, we know every detail of our responsibilities to our playmates and partners. We are aware of the impact of our words, actions, and choices within the context of that scene.
“Perhaps a more difficult pill to swallow, however, is the impact that our kinks can have on those outside of our consenting playmates–on people, cultures, and groups who are not participating members of a scene or relationship. Are we truly aware of and accountable for the impact that our kinks, our blogs, and our soapboxes have on marginalized groups, victims, and vulnerable members of our society?”
I know I say this all the time when I do SoSS but I have thoughts on this blog, which I’d love to write on in a little more depth if I ever get the chance. When I first started blogging, and I was questioned about my kinks (usually people saying things like ‘how do you square being a feminist with having a desire to be beaten by men?’ or ‘does your submission imply low self-esteem?’) my attitude was usually ‘fuck you, get out of my bedroom.’ I didn’t like the idea that other people would put their own interpretation on what I did, and that writing about BDSM would have any effect other than the one I intended: to turn people on.
Later, I came to realise that it’s a hell of a lot more complicated than that. It’s not just a question of saying ‘here’s what it means to me,’ it’s also vital to look at the context in which it’s being presented, and the effect it may have of those who don’t share that kink. That’s not to say anyone should feel ashamed of their kinks, more that if a particular kink of mine is an exploration of taboo (which it often is), I probably shouldn’t be surprised when people find that taboo unsettling or think the way I’m presenting it is harmful. Wendy’s post has given me a lot of food for thought in terms of how I talk about my kinks to/in front of others.
I have a tendency to share mainly the posts that made me think a lot, which I guess makes sense seeing as they’re the ones that stay in the front of my mind. But I want to make sure that in the sexy link roundup I always include one that is primarily here for super-erotic-sexytime purposes. And you know who delivers super-hot smut on a seriously regular basis? Scandarella. This one’s got rhythm and sweat and spontaneity and OH YEAH all the good stuff…
“The corners of his lips lift into a sensual smile. His hips dip lower, rolling back up and around before his chest expands and he dips again. If this is how he dances in public I can only imagine how he does it in private. I want to know. I need to know how he does it. How does this sexy bastard fuck?”