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Guest blog: the joy of unexpected sex

I often walk down the street and imagine a hot guy (who probably looks a bit like David Tennant but with piercings and maybe a bicep tattoo) stepping out of a nearby shop and saying “hey there, you look incredibly attractive and exactly my type – do you fancy coming into my dungeon so that we can have all the sex?” Sadly my life is not a porn film, and the closest it’s ever come to one is that one time a plumber came over and I’d forgotten to put trousers on before I answered the door. That’s where the similarity ended, though, as he blushed a bit and I had to pretend that my boxer-brief/jumper combo was how I greeted all my house guests.

This week’s guest blogger has had far more interesting experiences, though, and he’s here to tell you a couple of deliciously exciting stories about unexpected sex. Take it away Simon…

Guest blog: the joy of unexpected sex

Sex is fun, exhilarating, a relief, all sorts of things. When it is unexpected it is even better – and I don’t mean when your partner suddenly decides that “Tonight’s the night, dear” when you’re settling down in front of Match of the Day. I mean when someone you know, but haven’t paid a great deal of attention to, surprises you with an out-of-the-blue session that leaves you completely sated. It’s happened to me twice and both times were mind-blowing.

I used to work at a hospital. A bunch of us would get together once a year to put on a show – all very silly and amateur but we took it fairly seriously and I had massive, full-on lustful cravings for one of the nurses who was part of this group. Very sexy, black wavy hair and a cracking smile and laugh. A real shame, as my amorous advances were never returned and she ended up with someone who I considered far behind her in evolutionary terms. What I didn’t realise was that another nurse in the group (I’ll call her Evie) had her eyes and ideas set on me and I was totally unaware of it.

We gathered one evening in my flat – I lived quite close to the hospital – was the usual messy, friendly  hilarious rehearsal for the show, spurred on with more than a few drinks and everyone (I thought) left quite late. I ushered them all out of the front door, dumped the empties by the bin, washed, brushed my teeth and jumped into bed to find Evie there wearing nothing but a chunky necklace. Genuine blonde, booby and a seriously gorgeous figure. This was well before the acronym “WTF” was invented but that’s probably what I thought at the time. (I should have written it down and patented it). However, being unmarried, unattached and certainly not one to look a gift nurse in the mouth, we had a rompingly good time involving massage oil, hands tied together, feet tied together, clothes pegs – use your imagination – and a pair of airline eye-shades. I am fairly certain I had four decent orgasms over the following hours and I am not sure I have managed that in one session at any time since. I know I was very late for work the next morning and several more in the following few weeks.

Wind the clock forward quite a number of years and I am on the way to deliver some training in the north of England. This is to an outfit whose manager I have known for some time on a purely professional basis – friendly, but definitely professional. I am due to be at her office between 8 and 8.30 a.m. but I get a call to ask if I can swing by her house to pick her up and drive us both in, then (she says) we can use her parking permit at work. So I drive up at about half past seven, ring the doorbell and she answers the door wearing a dressing gown.

That stopped me in my tracks for a start – I was expecting business attire and a “Let’s get the day started” attitude – but she had the gown open quite low, her hair was down and she did look absolutely drop-dead gorgeous and more than just a little sexy. Even more so when she reached past me to shut the door, then walked a few steps into the house, turned round and let the dressing gown fall away. It had the sort of effect that she obviously wanted. My jaw was probably following the dressing gown on its way down to floor level and my cock inside my trousers responded with a speed it hadn’t displayed for a while. I can’t remember if I actually said anything but, if I did, it was probably gibberish and pointless. She looked pleased at the effect she was having, climbed a few of her stairs and sat down, waiting.

I really didn’t need too much encouragement after that. Would any man? My jacket and tie came off remarkably quickly and I positioned myself at her feet and opened her knees wide, kissing and licking up the inside of her thighs as she lay back on the stairs and closed her eyes. I found she was extremely wet already – and extremely tasty, too – and the next few minutes were spent teasing her, opening those beautiful cunt lips to admire a swollen clitoris and to help it to swell even more. I slipped two fingers into her and she arched and shuddered and came hard and it was all I could do not to join her, though I was still mainly clothed. I stood up and started to undo my trousers and let my aching cock into the light; she turned her back on me, climbed another couple of stairs and stuck her arse out towards me, presenting me with a picture that most red-blooded men would like to frame and keep. Still with my trousers around my ankles, I slipped straight into her and she braced herself against the stairs with one hand and pulled me harder into her with the other. We fucked in that position harder than I had known for ages – the excitement of the situation, a new experience with someone who was almost a stranger made me rock hard with pleasure and I came like a train inside her, flooding her with my come for what seemed an age. For some inexplicable reason – guilt, pleasure, surprise? – we both collapsed and started laughing helplessly on the stairs and slithered to the bottom step in a sticky, tangled heap.

The trickiest bit was walking into her offices, washed and cleaned, over an hour later and keeping myself from smiling inanely while trying to train her staff with her present in the room.


  • Marcus L says:

    Wow that second story in particular is hot. If I wasn’t horny, I am now!

    GOTN – are you SURE you forgot to put your trousers on or was the exposure slightly deliberate?!

  • RB says:

    I’ll have to be the killjoy here and say that in any other circumstances the behaviour of those women is pretty damn creepy, really; if the second person wasn’t reciprocating then it would look very forceful and aggressive to just bare all like that without getting the consent of the other person that they’d be up for it. If the genders were reversed and a guy I didn’t know very well suddenly came on to me in such an instrusive fashion, I’d be very freaked out, even terrified, because I wouldn’t know how much danger I’d be in. It worked out fine for the author but I don’t think that sort of behaviour is advised from people.

    • A ribbon blue, blue as my eyes says:

      But the guy has no reason to think he’s in any kind of danger, most of the time anyway. Statistically speaking it’s just not the same thing at all. Women have rational reasons to be afraid in this situation; most men don’t.

      There are things women can do that men cannot (or should not) because men, generally, are not afraid of being violently assaulted and raped. This is not a bad thing; it’s just the natural result of the imbalance in physical power between the sexes. Take the benefits of sexual dimorphism when they come.

  • RB says:

    Well, not advised unless it’s been made pretty clear between both that it’s likely/almost certain to happen.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I’m assuming that was the case, or I suspect the writer would have made it pretty clear.

      • FB says:

        I dunno GOTN! He says he was “totally unaware” that the first woman was into him and that he was expecting “business attire” or whatever from the second. It seems pretty clear that there was no kind of understanding between them before..I love your blog and I know I don’t have to read this post if I don’t like it so no need to criticise but this sat weirdly with me too. Especially because you’re usually so on it with the pre-empting of criticism re sleep sex – so maybe I’m just reading too much into this.

        • Girl on the net says:

          Hmm… OK, so I spotted your comment last night and I’ve been pondering it for a while. The difficulty with guest blogs – as opposed to the ones I write – is that I can’t ever know what’s going on in a guest blogger’s head. And I kind of have an issue with saying ‘hey, if this happened to you that’s bad’ if – as I think in this case – it’s a thing that the blogger very much wanted to happen. On top of that, I’ve had a couple of blogs before where I’ve written things like this: X was ‘unexpected’ or ‘a surprise’, when really what I meant was ‘I was hoping for/had hinted at this but was delighted to find it actually could happen.’ When people question me/call me on it I can explain, and maybe clarify, but of course I can’t do that for someone else.

          Sorry if that’s a bit of a wishy-washy answer, but this is an old blog, so I can only guess at my reaction at the time – I got the very strong impression from the guest blogger that this was wanted/enjoyed – and I think the hotness of the blog reflects that. Along with the timespan between a hint (wearing just a dressing gown) and walking across the room, shutting the door, dropping it, etc, I think it’s also clear from the writing that the blogger wanted this – so I’d assume there were other signals during the action that he did too.

          As to RB’s point: no I certainly wouldn’t say ‘hey this is a great way to get someone into bed’, but I also think it’s more than possible for things like this to proceed with non-verbal cues, and I think it’s also important to allow people the space to frame their own experiences and tell their own stories, as it were.

          Again: sorry for waffle. I did genuinely ponder this for aaaaages. You raise some good points.

          • FB says:

            Thanks, agree with what you’re saying too. Look how grown up and civil this was! Also sorry if I made you do anxious pondering but nice to get such a considered reply

  • Muffin says:

    Beautifully written, so evocative. I find second story extremely erotic. A brave woman, taking what she wants. As women we live in fear, fear of being overpowered, fear of being called a whore or slut, fear of rejection. I admire her and thank Simon for his narrative and for playing the game. Well done that man.

  • Jessie says:

    Hey.This was so great.
    Is this guy a regular blogger? If yes, could you post his website?

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hi Jessie – glad you liked it! My rule with guest bloggers is that I always ask them how they would like to be credited, and where they’d like any links to go, that way if they’d prefer to be anonymous they can be, and I wouldn’t want to give out any more info than they’ve asked me to put in the intro. I’ll pass your feedback on to him though!

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