As someone who’s struggled a lot with anxiety in the past, I really appreciate hearing other people’s perspectives on it: how it affects them, how they manage it, and any other insights into it that make me (and hopefully others who struggle with it) feel a little bit less alone. So I’m delighted to welcome Kim to the blog today, who’s here to talk about sex with anxiety: the ways in which it can creep into your head when you’re trying to enjoy yourself, and how it doesn’t necessarily always have to win.
Sex with anxiety
I mount him and stick my tongue in his mouth. He moans deliciously. Suddenly my desire is replaced by crippling doubt. My joy is ripped from me by these invasive parasites. I feel my body tense up, but I continue kissing him.
“If I just ignore it, it will go away.” I hope silently.
We grind together, but my frazzled mind is elsewhere: “I should put a wash on later”; “Am I in the right career?”; “Can he tell that I’m not paying him attention?”; “I’m rubbish at this.”
He nuzzles into my ear and asks if I’m feeling anxious. I nod quietly.
He wraps his hands around my neck and squeezes slightly, with an evil grin that makes his eyes gleam. The thoughts all flee. My hips start bucking into him because they want to, rather than because they feel like they should be. He nuzzles into my ear and asks if I’m feeling better. I nod quickly.
We hastily cast aside our clothes. He pushes two fingers into me and I can feel how wet I am. I gasp, my eyes wide and screaming for more. With a moan, his cock slides inside and our hips begin to move together. My mind becomes a kaleidoscope of colours. A few more energetic thrusts. His eyes scrunch up in ecstasy and I can feel his cock pulsing. We collapse together: gasping, exhausted, spent.
It took us a long time for us to get to this point. So many times sex turned into anxious tears. Some times I get too lost in my own head that nothing he does can bring me back. Getting it right helps to get it right the next time, but that spiral works both ways.
Sex still scares me, but I have tips and a toolbox to try and help me reclaim it.