How many different butt plugs does one person need?

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

How many different butt plugs does the average person need? My gut instinct would be to say two or three – so you have a bit of variety on size and material if you want it, but you’re not struggling for butt plug storage space. But then, as I was auditing my sex toy collection in preparation for writing a wish list, I realised that I have far more than three, and I still haven’t got all the different butt plugs I really want. My most used sex toy is the Doxy, and I’d cite floggers as my favourite thing to collect, but I have at least 5 different kinds of butt plug, and I still want more to complete my ideal set. They come in so many different varieties that I can illustrate exactly why I want so many. So although I suck at actually reviewing sex toys, I can definitely take you on a journey of all the different butt plugs I want. Ready? Let’s go.

The slim butt plug

Also occasionally referred to as a ‘beginner’s’ butt plug, or – if my other half is feeling particularly cheeky – the ‘wuss’ butt plug. While I enjoy having things rammed into my ass as much as the next pervert, sometimes I can’t always manage the thicker ones. Besides, it’s not size that matters when I want to get fucked while wearing a plug – it’s the degree of enthusiasm with which he shoves it up me.

Slim butt plugs do have their down sides, of course: too much lube and the slippery fucker will slide out halfway through, so this plug works best when I’m lying on my front, and he can keep a firm hand over the end of it to stop it getting pushed out while he fucks me.

The massive butt plug

Does what it says on the tin. It’s a massive MASSIVE butt plug. Feel free to define ‘massive’ however you like, but for me ‘massive’ means ‘any butt plug which requires significant warm-up, and maybe a mouthful of pillow to bite upon entry.’

The vibrating butt plug

This one is roughly halfway between the slim and the ‘massive’ in size terms, and it’s got a fairly small but powerful bullet vibe inserted into the core. The key joy of this being, of course, that when it’s in my ass he can feel the vibrations going through the wall of my cunt, and tingling nicely against his dick.

The electric butt plug

I only got this really recently, but I’ll write it up properly soon. It’s a butt plug that gives you electric shocks (read more about ElectraStim and having an electric vagina here). Basically an electric butt plug stimulates you with electricity giving you tingly sensations and making your muscles tense involuntarily – picture it. Isn’t it awesome? If you want to hear more about this magical electric butt plug, subscribe for updates when new posts go out, and cross your fingers I get round to writing the damn thing soon.

The glass butt plug

Because sometimes you want something really really hard. When I first got my glass butt plug, being a giant wuss I was incapable of actually getting it in. Then, one night, after a lot of intoxicating substances and what I can only describe as ‘a 3 hour orgy of foreplay’, I managed it. Feeling the solid glass push through until the plug was snugly inside me felt like a whopping victory. And the guy pushing it in assures me that the delight of finally getting it to go was almost enough to make him come in his pants.

Almost. Which is good, because it’s also fun getting fucked while I’m wearing it.

I guess that’s question 1 answered: how many different butt plugs do I own? But there’s still part two to answer: how many more do I need?

The inflatable butt plug

I used to have one of these and it was exceptional. Starts off small, but once inside it can be inflated – so even for people like me who fear having giant things in their ass, it’s a way to get that full up feeling without the initial panic that there’s no way in the world you’re going to get it in. I can’t remember where mine went – after an embarassing sex toy storage mistake when it was clearly discovered and uncovered by a partner’s Mum, I assume he ritually buried it while reciting ‘never again.’

The metal butt plug

These things are so indescribably beautiful they pretty much break my heart. I got to hold and caress an njoy metal butt plug when I went to Woodhull, and it struck me that the sheer weight of them would make them exceptional for kinky humiliation/challenge play.

“Put this in then stand in the corner of the room facing the wall. Hands on your head. Don’t let it slip out.”

Unnngh. Hot.

UPDATE: I now have an incredible metal butt plug, made by the expert geniuses at Doxy. Read my post on Doxy butt plugs or pick one up for yourself here (that’s my affiliate link so if you use code GOTN15 you’ll get 15% off and free shipping)

The tail butt plug

If you’d asked me 2 years ago I’d have told you I wasn’t particularly turned on by tail butt plugs. While I love the idea of pony play, I’m not sure I could pull off the role of pony with anything like enough panache. However. I know a gentleman who is practically jizzing through his pants at the idea of me wearing a tail butt plug: pony tail, fluffy tail, multicoloured unicorn tail, you name it. And because I am usually just one well-placed erection away from developing a new kink, his enthusiasm for this presses all of my buttons. It’s my birthday soon, so I hope that I get given one as a present. MASSIVE HINT ALERT.

Uberkinky has a selection if you want to see what I mean, or Ethical Kink has a bunch in fantastical rainbow colours. But to get the full effect you need to search for butt plug tail porn.

The tunnel butt plug

This incredible thing has the dubious pleasure of being the one butt plug I don’t think I’d want to own. I’m including it here for the sake of completeness, and because while it’s Not My Thing I am 100% certain that it’ll be a giant and powerful turn-on for many of you. Tunnel butt-plugs do what they say on the tin: they’re butt plugs with a hole straight through the middle. Allowing for spit, fingers, dick, and more: whatever takes your fancy and falls within the reasonable standards set by biology and the laws of physics.

You can buy them at Clonezone, or from other places too.

How many different butt plugs do you need?

Are there any amazing butt plugs that I have missed off this list? I feel like heavily shaped/textured butt plugs like the Tantus twist should get a mention too, but I’m not sure if that’s a whole new category or a sub-category of one of the things I’ve mentioned above. And this, remember, is just butt plugs: I haven’t included prostate massagers – that’s a whole different post.

So: just including actual butt plugs, and only counting those that I think are technically clearly-defined categories, the answer to my original question: ‘how many different butt plugs does one person need?’

Eight. If that person is me.

It’s more than possible that the average person can get through their daily life with only two different butt plugs – or even no butt plugs at all. But if you’re the kind of perv I am, and you want to complete the set, I hope the above has given you a target to either aspire to or beat, as you sit atop your giant collection of hundreds of butt plugs, laughing at mere mortals like me who aren’t even into double figures yet.




  • D. says:

    You missed out “see-through, acts as a viewing port / magnifying glass”:

    • Girl on the net says:

      Holy shit, thanks! I did not know that those existed. I mean, I knew that see-through ones existed, but I did not realise the magnifying/spyglass potential. Thanks!

  • Governormarley says:

    I really like the idea of a principled, world weary cop who just wants to clean up his city shining the butt signal into the night’s sky. That’s cheered up a very long day.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Now I am trying to think of situations in which a butt plug superhero would be the best person to call upon. Burst water mains? Fix with giant butt plug. Hole in ozone layer? Super-giant butt plug.

      • Governormarley says:

        Volcano about to erupt over city? Huge butt plug. President with cavity where brain should go? Butt plug. Ninja throwing plugs with which to defeat enemies, plucked from a sexy utility belt replete with lube and toy cleaner.

  • Kitten says:

    Oh my God you have to get a tail! Hottest butt plug ever. Feels amazing and looks so cute. It was the first thing my boyfriend ever bought me and we’re now choosing a second. Love it!

  • SpaceCaptainSmith says:

    Wow, what a list! (Great illustration for this one too.)

    Presumably you could reduce it slightly by combining some of them, though, like a metal electric butt plug, or maybe an inflatable vibrating one. Sadly, as several of these features are incompatible, it wouldn’t be possible to combine them all into one uber-plug.

    For another suggestion: I read a story the other day featuring a butt plug with a tube going down it for applying enemas. I’ve no idea if such a thing exists, but I assume it would be feasible.

  • Mardi says:

    I discovered sex toys a bit over a year ago. As in, I’d known they existed, obviously, before that, but it had never occurred to me to buy/use one. Then I got my first vibrator and I’ve been pretty much in love and obsessing over getting new toys ever since. Also, I absolutely love butt play. And yet to this day I still don’t have a butt plug. Reason? There are so many I want! I can’t choose! And I can’t simply buy all of them at once, seeing as I am not made of money, so here I am, occasionally browsing sex toys websites and agonising over which should be my perfect first plug… and then buying nothing as I can’t make up my mind again. (If anyone wondered, yes, that’s a general problem I have in life.) So, in 2017 I aim to buy at least one butt plug.

    (I love the illustration for this post. It’s something I’d totally like to have on my wall if it didn’t, you know, potentially make some social interactions really awkward.)

  • Sub J. says:

    My GOD.

    You know that sort of stunned, freezy feeling when you read something and it smacks you in the face like it’s your own, unique thoughts reflected back, like you wrote it? Only you didn’t, which means someone else’s quirky thinking has lead them to exactly the same little corner? It’s uncanny and I just got that when I clicked on the ‘flogger’ link.

    Brer Rabbit!!!!

    I’VE been making that exact same briar patch comparison with regards to my masochistic fun. I had that book as a child, I also seem to recall it featured a picture of a well in it somewhere (don’t know if you had that edition?) Of course (digression city here) I was always obsessed with the foreboding beauty of wells – which I think links to my adult association of attraction with fear. I’ve a feeling I may know what a psychoanalyst would associate the well motif with!

    Anyhow, there was me thinking I was all unique and clever, and you’ve been unique and clever in the same direction approximately one year before I came up with it.

    Grrrrr!! (Oops, I may have hypocritically masculised frustration there, I mustn’t growl, being a man!) He he (rest assured GOTN, it’s myself I’m taking the piss out of here!) :p

    But yeah, bloody hell. Brer Rabbit. That character means a lot to me. Even the fact that he’s a rabbit, I’m not a Furry but I am kind of… pet-like I suppose!

    Even the way that a rabbit’s an animal not associated with being ‘tough’ or ‘hard’ but he’s a sassy li’l survivor with street smarts, I embraced that kind of persona as a very young man when I needed to navigate the less than sensitive, urban world I lived in, and that was before I even discovered my penchant for briars!

    We got our first flogger recently, this may sound a bit tame to you but it was from Anne Summers in a pack with cuffs, crop, ball gag & blindfold, it’s kind of like an introductory pack that was reduced from I think £30 to £25.

    Up until now the D/s dynamic has been verbal, but I think my training would benefit from CP regime! I’m so happy to say I’m with somebody who I feel so close to that we’re going forward into this territory. Of course, she has needs too which are uncharted territory for me, but that’s prob for another section!

    Have a great day GOTN.

    And remember… “what would Brer Rabbit do..?”

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hehe, thanks! I’m delighted I’m not the only one who makes that comparison! And I am bloody delighted that you’re getting to explore this with your partner in new ways – I don’t think you’re ‘tame’ at all for using a pack: everyone’s got their own needs, and tbh when I started getting into BDSM particularly I was especially grateful for kits and packs that saved me a bit of cash and still meant I got to try the stuff I wanted to!

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment – and best of luck in the briar patch =) xx

  • sarah says:

    i can’t help but feel that you’ve missed out a major plug type here – the usb butt plug

  • Real says:

    Awesome post, got me thinking about getting one plug for myself.

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