How to dominate a man – sexy ideas from an eager amateur

Image by the excellent Stuart F Taylor

How the hell do I dominate a man? If your partner has any kind of submissive tendency, and if – like me – you’re enthusiastic yet clumsy when it comes to wielding a whip and calling someone a ‘filthy puppy’, at some point you may have heard the two most terrifying words in the English language:

“Surprise me.”

Surprises are hard enough when it comes to buying presents, but when it comes to sex they can range from disappointing to downright dangerous if you don’t quite get it right. While I’d always advocate ‘having a horny chat’ long before you don your Batman mask and start beating six shades of shit out of your partner, occasionally it just doesn’t work like that. I’ve had gents tell me that it’s just ‘not sexy’ if they tell me how to top, or which exact area of their body they want me to slap and tickle, so they’ve respectfully requested that I make it up as I go along and they’ll let me know if I do anything that’s not hitting the right buttons.

But although that eases any worries that I might do something so awful it turns them off submission forever, it doesn’t ease my other pressing concern: that I am a flailing, insecure, bungling twat. I love the look in a guy’s eyes when I can tease and hurt him in just the way he loves, and being able to conjure it gives me a deliciously warm kick in the cunt. But as I build up to it, most of the things that flash through my mind are either ‘too dominant – he wouldn’t believe it was me doing them’ or ‘not dominant enough – it sounds like I’ve read this one in Cosmo.’

So when a lady emailed me asking ‘have you got any good ideas on how to dominate a man?’ I sent her my ‘Goldilocks’ list – some things that – while not perfect, and certainly not sure-fire hits with anyone, worked pretty well for me at one time or another. This list comes with a few huge caveats:

  • You should never do any of this stuff without consent (there are some tips in here on how I’d establish it in a sexy way, but if all else fails I recommend sending your partner a link to this and saying ‘tell me which of these made you hard, you filthy little fucktoy’ or something less cringeworthy)
  • This list is naturally very ‘straight’ – i.e. it’s about me (a cis woman) doing things to cis men, because that’s pretty much all I have experience of in this arena. If you have other tips from other perspectives, please do add them in the comments – given how appalling I am even in areas I’m familiar with, I dread to think what havoc I could cause if I started speculating on things I’ve never tried.

How to dominate a man with humiliation

In the right context, doing your hair can be deeply sexy. That context is, of course, if you’ve got him naked in a spreader bar, bending over to touch his ankles, and holding hair grips in his mouth with the express instruction not to drop any of them. I get a bit bored of this after a while, but occasionally shouting at him to stay in position can be both amusing and erotic, especially if it makes him hard.

Making him take off his pants in public places. I’ve read this trick in countless male dom/female sub erotica – she is ordered to go to the toilet and remove her pants because – inevitably – she’s wearing a skirt and he can have fun touching her up under the table. What isn’t so frequently explained, though, is that you can order a guy to do exactly the same thing, with very similar effect. Bonus points if you can get him to undo his flies under the table while you’re having dinner.

There are humiliation games for guys that involve wearing my knickers too. Although an ex of mine and I used to chat frequently about the genderpolitics of sissyfication, and why we were both Guardian-readingly uncomfortable with the idea that guys wearing knickers was seen as a submissive/weak/humiliating thing, for some reason that didn’t stop it being intensely hot. Hot for him, because the feel of the knickers is sensual and filthy, and hot for me because oh holy shit I love the look of an erection in a tight pair of lacy panties.

How to dominate a man during sex

There is nothing – repeat: nothing – that makes me feel more dominant than ordering a guy to fuck me with a strapon. It’s obviously not as orgasmic as regular sex with his cock, but my God it makes him feel weak and small and horny and desperate, as his own solid erection is squashed against the inside of the harness, and I’m gasping and panting and enjoying something he cannot even feel.

Belts are useful for a number of different things, not always including doubling them over and beating fuck out of someone. One of my favourite dominant fucks happens in the missionary position – generally one in which people assume the gentleman is in control or holding the rythmn. But if he’s wearing a butt plug, and I’ve looped a belt between his legs so I can tug on both ends to make him go faster/harder/deeper? Then he does exactly what I want, exactly when I want it. As an additional bonus, the butt plug made it much easier for him to come, so he had the mental panic of having to try and stave off his ejaculation – the more I tugged the harder he wanted it, and the harder he wanted it, the harder it was to hold it off, so he had to slow down, so I tugged harder, thus creating a vicious circle of angry hot fucking.

Similarly, fucking him on a chair while he’s wearing a buttplug. But you know that already, right?

How to dominate a man using pain

Floggers are a good place to begin, because they basically don’t hurt that much. I know that sounds like a pathetic place to start, but there’s a good reason: if you leap straight in with a cane, and have no idea how hard to wield it, just one stroke can end up leaving welts that he doesn’t want, reminding him every time he sits down just how little you know what you’re doing. Floggers, even if wielded with a strong right arm and a bit of determination, don’t tend to hurt that hard. As a cunning way to get around the ‘I don’t want to hurt him beyond what he likes’ scenario, and to introduce the kind of sexy chat that makes me very wet, I like to initiate the ‘pain scale’ game:

“How hard is this, on a scale of one to ten, where ‘one’ is ‘rubbish’ and ‘ten’ is ‘stop’?” *whack*
“Ow. Five.”
“Only five? OK, fuck you, here’s three at a seven to make up for it.” *whack* *whack* *whack*
“Argh. Fuck. That last one was an eight.”
“I know. But you deserved it. Good boy.” (gives three more at an eight)

Slapping is also delightfully fun, because it is an excellent excuse to touch all the sexy bits. Face-slapping: amazing, if he’s up for it, because it combines humiliation with a bit of pain, and can be done while I’m sitting on his dick. Requires explicit consent, though, so how do you do this as a surprise? Piece of piss:

“If you don’t [insert thing you want him to do: say thank you or beg for forgiveness or whatever] I’m going to hit you here [touch face]. OK?”
“OK/Yes ma’am/Fuck no/I’d really rather you didn’t/etc.”

Nipple clamps hurt like a motherfucker (at least, the ones I have do) so as a ‘surprise’ they can be a bit hit and miss. If, like me, you’re worried about putting it in just the right place so it neither falls off nor causes him super-intense end-of-nipple pain, they can be nervewracking. But the beauty of being in the driving seat is that if you’re ever unsure about anything, you can make him do it himself. Genius, right?

“Put these on. Quickly. I haven’t got all fucking day.”

Then make him take the chain in his mouth – because the clamps will give a kick of pain whenever they move, it’s one of the most effective ways of keeping a submissive dude still.

Ball squeezing is one of those deeply dangerous areas. If – like me – you don’t have any of your own, it’s hard to know exactly what to do with someone’s balls. There’s clearly a big difference between sexy pain that has him moaning ‘oh please ma’am’ and deeply painful pain that has him rolling on the floor and making retching noises. So yeah – start gently, work your way up. The pain scale here is useful, but you might want to avoid going beyond five, unless he’s told you really explicitly otherwise. And, as I can attest from experience, even the gentlest of flicks is probably not a great idea. I had to buy him Wetherspoons nachos for a week to apologise.

How to dominate a man using denial

This is my easiest go-to domming thing, not because it’s a piece of piss (although it is), but because I cannot get enough of the look on a guy’s face when he’s desperate and pleading to come. At it’s very basic level, denial can involve wanking him off, then stopping, wanking, stopping, etc until the smallest of tears leaks from his eyes and the look he gives you is one of pure and burning need. But you can do way more than that.

A guy I knew used to love a slightly painful denial wank. Me going hard and sloppy at his dick for a while, all spit-lubed and hot, until he’d grunt to show me he was just. So. Close. At which point I’d stop, wipe my hand on my jeans, then continue touching him but with slow, circular strokes around the sensitive skin of his head. After ten or eleven circles it’d start getting dry. After twenty or so he’d whimper a bit. After twenty five he’d beg me to stop. When I stopped he’d beg me for more.

The beauty of denial is that it can be done even when you’re not in the room. As a general rule I’m not a fan of sexting, because fuck it – if we’re going to have sex then I’d rather have it then just tell you in great detail exactly how we’re going to have it and have you text me back misspelled porn which I have to read and reply to on the bus. But in a few situations it’s useful: i.e. the situation in which I text him saying “I’m on my way to yours and I’ll be with you in twenty minutes. Wank yourself to near-completion then drink two litres of water.” Then I can arrive at his flat knowing he’s horny, and also has a full bladder, meaning I can alternate some hot denial wanking with a bit of humiliation (You can piss with an erection, you’re just not trying hard enough. Try harder. I’m waiting). For bonus points/additional fun, send the warm up text long before you’re actually on your way, then send another an hour later saying “Sorry, tube delays! Don’t even think about doing anything before I get there!”

If the piss thing isn’t your bag, you can always just alternate hardness and softness to build to a jizzsplosion later in the evening. Send a similar text, but insist on him having a hard on when you arrive. As you walk in the door, tell him to lose his erection. As soon as he’s soft again, make him hard. Rinse, repeat once or twice an hour for the rest of the evening until he cries a little bit and leaks precum all over the carpet.

When he’s super-hard and has been denied, tell him he can come but only if he does it in a particular way. i.e. ‘you can come now, but you can’t use your hands’ or ‘you can come now, but only through your jeans.’ Bonus evil points if, even then, you insist on stopping him just before he does and say ‘only joking, dickhead’ then make him make you a sandwich. Sandwich-making is, in my opinion, the cornerstone of dominance.

Got ideas of your own? We incompetent dommes need to stick together – feel free to add your suggestions in the comments. Or if you’d like some more ideas, here’s a more recent post I wrote about trying to be more domme.

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  • Anonymous says:

    That’s hot. I’m not really into the S&M thing (well, OK, a little), but even so, I’m finding myself wanting to do some of the above with my SO.

    Wouldn’t you also want to put pegging up there as well? I mean if you’ve got the strap-on already, then /you/ may as well use it.

  • crashmatt says:

    I do love being pegged! I’m fairly dominant most of the time, but I’m happy to have some flow back and forth.
    After your previous comments about enjoying watching guys wank, I thought I’d leave a link for you… Hope you enjoy it….…..html

  • Yingtai says:

    You are evil. Also a gift to society. I’m sure lots of people will be very grateful for this post.

  • Funloving Girl says:

    Thank you! Needed some more ideas and can’t wait to try some of these. My partner and I like to switch occasionally but I never feel fully comfortable in the domme role. Denial is hot though, in all forms. Finding ways to make him wait and controlling his orgasms can be very intense. Stripping slowly while he is tied up and aroused but not allowing him to touch. Or letting him undress me, blindfolded. Masturbating over him and letting him lick only my fingers. Making him hold a dildo in his mouth for me to sit on. Using clothes pegs on his nipples and balls. All of these have worked well. Anal plugs and floggers too. I love this topic, it’s so hot. Looking forward to more suggestions…

  • Fiddy says:

    Dominating someone really requires a very confident and sadistic person to work well, haha.

    Also, if you’re looking for tricks, my wife, during a party, decided to tie a vibrator to a guy’s dick, and basically put it just high enough to keep the guy on edge, and her, being an evil little munchkin, pretended to mistake his begging her through his gag as a desire to be whipped. This went on for a little over an hour until she let the poor sod come. By that time there were 3-4 others that were watching and wanted a turn, haha.

  • Azkyroth says:

    “How hard is this, on a scale of one to ten, where ‘one’ is ‘rubbish’ and ‘ten’ is ‘stop’?” *whack*

    ….uh, can other people actually work out the numbers to report back in a reasonable amount of time? Because I fucking can’t. :(

  • Chaz says:

    I had a boyfriend who asked me to dominate him as a one-off. BDSM is really not my thing and it was difficult for me to stay in character as the stern mistress that he wanted. I definitely couldn’t do it on a regular basis. I ordered him around a bit, smacked his bum with a wooden back scratcher (I was improvising), tied him to the bed and teased him until I was bored then we had some fantastic sex. Everyone was happy, but we never did it again.

    • Rev-MFAbsolution says:

      Forget some of the porn film type dominance, it’s more in the mind.

      Tell him you’ll give the Domme mistress thing another go if he promises not to try and control you.

      If he agrees, just decide what you want and what will make him mad to please you. The, set something up really simple that you can both enjoy, something like…..

      Tell him that when he comes in from work next evening, you will be in the bedroom. He is to come in from work, call out “Mistress I’m here”, then load the dishwasher, take a shower, and knock on the bedroom door (leave a pair of your knickers in the shower room with instruction for him to wear them).

      Be ready for him, dress and be sexy, sexy how you like it regardless of how he wants you.

      Cuff his hands behind his back, blindfold him and start playing with yourself in front of his face, so he knows what you are doing but cannot see it. This is about your pleasure, and he will love it. Allow yourself to cum, more than once if you wish, but he is not to touch you or have any pleasure himself. Then tell him he’s been very good and that you will do the same tomorrow evening, but that you may let him lick you then.

      Do the same the next evening (you can change his menial chores), still be sexy, still blindfold him, but allow his tongue to take over from your fingers and finish your orgasm. Cum as many times as you wish, he is still not allowed (He’s getting desperate now). Then tell him he’s been very good and if he keeps being good, he might be allowed to fuck you later in the week, but you need to cum more first. It may be worth feeling his balls just to remind him how good it feels when you touch him.

      Next night, very much the same, but get him to lay on his back so you can sit on his face and really enjoy yourself. Ride his cock a little, but again, don’t let him cum, that pleasure is just for you. I know, you are desperate to be fucked now too, but he is on edge, he’ll do almost anything for you, especially if you let him know you are looking forward to letting him fuck you.

      Final night, similar, but this time move it up a gear. Think of all the things you want him to do. Kiss his cheek, let your fingers brush over his face and inside his leg, touch his balls, make him absolutely desperate for you, make him know how desirable you are and how much he needs you. Make him lick your feet while you play with yourself, tickle his balls with your toes, use his tongue for your pleasure again and again, slide yourself onto his cock, then use his mouth again. Kiss his cock (as a treat). Make your decision how he is to cum, but make sure you have all the orgasms you want first. Tease him to the very edge, then look directly at his eyes when you allow him to cum, whether that’s inside you, in your mouth or using your hands.

      Believe me, he’ll want you more and more.

      Control the orgasm, control the man.

  • seasideslut says:

    I was interested to note once that a guy I dominated was so scared/startled by my vicious tone of voice, when discussing it later he had confabulated a memory that I’d slapped him round the face. Words are very powerful things.

    Foot worship, that can be a fun one too. I’m not into humiliation for either party, it makes me feel sad.. but I’m perfectly happy to abuse, flog and peg them for a few hours.. absolutely love watching a guy suck my strap on too, though I never fail to be disappointed that I can’t feel anything in it.

  • F says:

    i wish this post had come a few weeks earlier – a chance meeting a fortnight ago led to me dominating a wonderful guy on the fly, having to make it up as i went along. whips, slapping/spanking, nipple clamps and cheesecake (smearing it on his face, etc) all took place but i would’ve loved to read this beforehand to be more certain of myself. thank you for the post though – keeping it in mind for the next time i see him :)

  • J. Constance says:

    Make him say aloud how terrible his favorite (football team, musician, book) is…. that’s pretty painful! Or have him say he loves something / make him watch or listen to something that he absolutely hates. Just until he behaves. Squeeze, slap, spank, or hit him if he’s unconvincing.

  • Serocco says:

    Not allowing him to cum until you come first, with a set limit of, say… maybe 9 times before you allow him? I find that hot.

  • Jungle Juice says:

    Hot post :) I guess this could be used for guy on guy too.

  • Tom says:

    You know the action film cliche where a car crashes and teeters at the edge of a cliff? It rocks back and forth dangerously and finally settles safely. Then a bird lands on the end that’s hanging over the cliff and the car goes down in a fiery explosion? Let that happen in bed with barely a touch of your finger or even just your warm, exhaled breath. Let him spooge himself but don’t touch him or let him touch himself. Spoiled orgasms are a particularly wicked form of denial. When this happens to me, I’m frustrated to the point of needing a temper tantrum. I bounce back pretty quickly because of the need. And being denied the real release twice or thrice is even worse. And really fucking hot.

  • fantastic says:

    Great article. You the basic principles. I’ll send this to my partner for sure.

  • Ken says:

    I love this sort of thing. I have been a sub male for as long as I can remember and have served quite a few dommes. One in particular taught me to receive humiliation any way she dished it out. It began at home where she set the rules the first evening. I was not allowed to have sex unless I was wearing a bra or panties or something feminine. My naked body did not belong to me any more, it was now hers/public. I would have pics taken often. I would be honest with her at all times, even if it meant being punished. Also punishments would be randomly mixed with rewards but would also be considered as rewards either way.
    As an example, here’s one humiliation I endured. After a year or so, mistress had taken home quite a few pictures of me crossdressed and nude. One night I was to go to her place for a small party. I turned out to be all girls and we where going to a bar. As we waited for the girls to arrive at her home, panic set in as I spotted a cd full of my pics right on the computer table in the living room where everyone was sitting. When I had a chanced I reminded mistress about it with hopes it would be put away. That didn’t happen but no one saw the pics that night but they did see the cd. A few days after. Mistress called and told me that her room mate, a gorgeous one I might ad, had helped herself to the pics. She had taken the cd, in fact had all of my pics in her room as well as a huge file on the computer where she had saved everything. Mistress loved it. I was humiliated beyond belief. To “reward” me she had me pose for more pics one night so she could leave the cd around again. These pics where mixed nude and of me wearing her room mates panties. She made me leave the cd myself so her room mate could find it. Finally they talked about it and I was informed nearly all of the pics where being emailed to friends or printed off and made public.

  • Lexi says:

    Could anyone recommend a good website to find a femdom?

  • Emma says:

    Im pretty new to the whole dominating thing but my new partner wants me to try..and its always intrigued me..he likes being humiliated/exposed and i just need a little advice of how i should go about this..please

  • blackrose says:

    Thank you for this! I have just had a male sub seek me out and wants me to be his Dom. It’s not something I’ve ever thought about before but was curious enough to check it out. This is the first useful info I’ve come across. I’m not sure I have what it takes to be a Dom but he wants me to try and I’m willing to give it a go. I should say it is on line….if anyone out there has any other advice I would be very grateful of your help. Thank you.

  • Strippednakedmale says:

    A very humiliating way I’m dominated is by making me wear a quite thin, white, women’s shirt in public. Printed on the shirt in bright pink is “I wear girl’s underwear” as well there is a picture of myself in panties. I’ve worn it a few times and was told to wear a bra under it. The bra was very visible, it is an obviously female shirt but when someone sees what it says on it….very embarrassing.

  • Martin says:

    I was supposed to be out of bed and in the shower at 5:30… instead it’s now 6.
    Excellent read but Goddamn now I can’t concentrate for more then 45 seconds.

  • Mistress V says:

    For desperate subs looking forward to guidance on how to live a Bdsm life,

    Message me on KIK. [Removed]

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hi Mistress V – sorry, I’ve edited your comment, as I don’t like for people to exchange/broadcast contact details in comments. It’s nothing personal on you, it’s a blanket rule that I do whenever people try to include emails/personal info.

  • John says:

    For me, if it is a partner, then it really is a shared thing, and a step by step process. The clothes things people describe are fun, depending on how nice he looks as a girl. Mind you, it is a bit weird in my book that he feels demeaned to be a girl – in my view, women are able to be adored because they are often sort of superior in some ways, well some of them are (I like it when she is better at things than me and most men, and frankly most women are more sensible than men. It is kind of you to do this stuff for him. If you are going to domme someone, you really eventually cannot just follow his script – even if you end up doing mainly the stuff he likes. I mean, surely the idea is that you take over to some extent. And anyway ask yourself do you yourself enjoy it, and what are you getting from it? As a sub, I guess I can only suggest a few little tips – when slapping, try to miss the eyes (I have ended up with a black eye a couple of times), and also when spitting, best not to spit too much into the eyes (eye irritation, conjunctivitis etc occasionally results). Golden showers don’t seem to do any harm on the other hand. Slapping is jarring the face, so I suppose you have the ultimate risk of brain damage if he does it all the time, but my mind is still ok many years later, so I guess it takes a while. Still, like any sport that involves contact with the head, some care is needed. Floggers are soft, true, but you will get bored with them quickly. The more serious kinds of whips can hurt a lot, but unless you go berserk (or are some kind of real bullwhip queen) won’t really injure him if used on back and butt, even fairly hard strokes – and whips are safer than other things. Punching is ok on the arms, but body punching needs to be very carefully done, and you really must miss the centre line. I cannot take being kicked in the balls, and suspect it is a bit dangerous, but what you say sounds sensible. And perhaps the most important thing – it is so much fun! Have a laugh sometimes. Life after all is short.

  • PantySlut says:

    I have grown to enjoy being humiliated by girls. This one young girl has taken an interest in dominating me and demands that I supply her with pictures and confessions so that she can embarrass me. She gets turned on more if she totally humiliates me somehow. She recently had a mutual friend over to visit and decided to tell this girl everything about me, as well she showed her dozens of my pics. That day, the friend called me and totally made fun of me. She described the pictures of me in panties and nude. Asked me questions like what’s your bra size. I’ve got some for you but you have to let people see you wearing them. Then she says she is having a lot of fun telling everyone about me which she actually has. She said she wants me to come over so she can strip me somewhere public and destroy my clothes then leave me. I have to do it. They are both naturally cruel dommes.

  • tom says:

    Doing a man up the bum is very dominating and if you make him cum while you do his ass it is confusing because the submissive act is pleasurable. Twisting a mans balls and making him beg for mercy is also very dominating and ca nbe used at any time and not just for sex although that is good too. Making a man eat cum is also a good way to make him submit, he can start with his own cum and eventually be forced to lick up other mens cum, gross but it works. How far to you want to take a man is up to the woman but some go whole hog and create a willing cuckold who encourages his wife.

  • Jeff says:

    My wife likes being clothed and me naked. While talking over different issues she gets me big. During our conversation my pre cum starts to flow. As it builds she puts it on her finger and then moves it to my mouth for me to eat. After a lot of time, and pre cum, she builds me to near orgasm. Then stops over and over again. Sometime she stops and walks away. If i orgasm she makes me clean it up using her finger.

  • Clumsydom says:

    dear god that was some good info and inspiration, will be coming back to this blog for reference.

  • lalaland11 says:

    Im Goddess Magda 25y old from Europe Poland.
    I am looking for young slaves that are interested in doing picture assignments and possible exposure online. I want him to be willing to do each and every thing I say. I he does well, he will be rewarded. If not, he will be punished.

    [Identifying details removed]

    Describe yourself and what you are looking for, guys with a picture will receive an answer first.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hi there – I’m afraid I don’t let people include personal/identifying/contact info in the comments here. This isn’t a pickup site, and I cannot guarantee that the contact details included actually belong to the person who left the comment. Hope you can understand – please use pickup sites if you’re looking to find people to play with. Thanks.

  • Carolina says:

    This is sooo exciting!!!
    I think my husband might be a sub, he likes for me to suprise him. I honestly have not done anything crazy, but i do think im a dominating type. I remember when we broke up while dating, we lived together and then I left him literally on the street cuz he was acting funny with his ex, we had an apt together while he was away working after confirming his shit I decided to pick everything up move , give his clothes to a neighbor and give the apt keys back, while talking to him for 3 days like nothing had happen. When he said he was coming home I said “oh I forgot to tell you, you have no home not with me” he thought I was joking…but that just made him more into me, which is kinda weird idk I guess because his ex was the contrary she would take him back whenever he decided to come back. After a while of him basically stalking me I gave him a chance (at this point I was dating someone else 2 months after we where done) we fucked at a hotel I told him to spit all over me (this might of been the nastiest I’ve been) by BF of the moment called I left him naked in the bedroom, I didnt actually go anywhere I just wanted to humiliate him. I guess he didn’t get enough. A few weeks later we got back together, but every time I remember the shit he talked with his ex made my blood boil and wherever I was I would leave his ass right there…he would still follow me.
    I think I just actually realize what was going on. And it makes sense, till me he had never had anyone who fighted him that hard, to leave him whenever, to ignore him….etc without knowing we had actually marked our paths.
    I’ll have to remind him who is who and I have to actually feel like this on the bed, just reading some stuff turned me on and just thinking I could do that to him well *sigh* just made my head spin haha

  • JOHN DEAN says:


  • Marilyn says:

    Thank you so much. My husband and I are at the beginning stages of exploring BDSM and your articles are truly helping a lot. We haven’t many ideas on where to start and your stories are giving many great ideas. Thank you. Absolutely love the way you explain things too.

  • Devot says:

    I had a wonderful femdom relationship. She would make me wear panties while shopping for clothes and get the shop assistant to come into my changing room with different sizes of trousers while catching me changing. How many times she would sit on the sofa and I had to do a sexy strip, I can’t count. She would amuse herself with me having to sit on a suction dildo while wanking for her….always asking for permission to cum. I would always have to eat my cum afterwards, as it was not meant to be wasted. Licking her and not coming myself was a given. Once while watching tv, I was getting a bit of a hardon….I was told to go to the kitchen, get a honey melon and have sex with it in front of her while she kept watching tv. Of course not forgetting to ask for permission, which she casually overheard a couple of times….while being indulged in her series.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Some of this stuff is quite hot, but one thing on your list stands out as totally unacceptable: “She would make me wear panties while shopping for clothes and get the shop assistant to come into my changing room with different sizes of trousers while catching me changing” You should never make other people part of your sex games without their consent. This is not OK.

  • Learningfast says:

    I have found this really helpful. I have met a sub, kind guy who I want to know better. I don’t yet know his quirks, likes or show stoppers… But I had absolutely no idea .

    My biggest concern is i think i am possibly too polite? I don’t really want to humiliate him or hurt him, but i do want to please him… So does mean I am not dom?

  • Emmillia says:

    Can you explain more on the butt plug missionary style with the belt. Where is it looped or attached?

    • Girl on the net says:

      Sure thing! It doesn’t need to be attached to anything – I just loop one end of it round one hand, then (while he’s lying on top of me in missionary) thread the belt itself round the crack of his bum, and hold the other end of it with my other hand. So I’m basically using the belt as a strap to yank him a little further in (and the flat of the belt lying against the base of the plug nudges it every time I pull/he thrusts). Think of it a bit like giving him a wedgie, but with a belt. I know that doesn’t make it sound v sexy though!

  • Patti says:

    How to have sex with a husband with a dead dick?

    • Girl on the net says:

      Hi Patti, could you elaborate on what you mean? By ‘dead’ do you mean numb/lacking sensation? Or struggling to get hard? Happy to give you some tips or point you in the right direction but it’d be handy to have a bit more info. What kind of sex are you looking for/what have you enjoyed in the past? I may be able to suggest some things that might work.

    • Tom says:

      To Patti. My wife and I have had that problem when our session last a little too long or if she made me come to fast. I’ve hinted atmy fantasy of how if like it to be handled, but I don’t think she’s really comfortable with it. I’m a personal traiber, usually very dominating and muscular, butive always fantasized about a women treating me like I always treated them. Taking complete control by touching and teasing until I’m so crazy I’ll do anything for more. I’ve done this to every woman I’ve been with leading to them allowing anal, cheating on boyfriend’s, cumming while on the phone with family. But a couple of years ago I let my wife tie me and blindfold me, she discovered thati lost it when she lightly ran her fingertips all over me. I was so desperate for more I wanted her even in the one spot she didn’t touch, my ass. Since then she has done this a couple of timrs, but the first time she built me up then when I was moaning like a girl she violently started tearing into my ass with her tongue. I was ready to do anything. I want her to punish me if I cum or my dick goes by telling me I only deserve to get fucked like a woman. I’m still so embarrassed by it, but after she’s worked me up I want proof that she has really taken complete control by fucking me like I fuck her. I want her to bring other girls over while I’m tied there shaking and moaning and make me their bitch. Let them take turns teasing and licking while telling me they’re going to take turns making my little asshole feel like a pussy. Sit on my face while she holds my legs open for their fingers and tongues to destroy my hole. Sadly she’s very rarely in the mood to be kinky and she’d never take full advantage of my ass like that. The cravings she introduced me to are making me desperate enough to find a professional at this point.

  • Brian says:

    I am a male who seeks a dominant female but has struck out so far. I did have an online Mistress for 2 years a long time ago but nothing since. I know it’s my fault because I have no clue when it comes to sites, profiles, initiating conversation etc. I admit it. I am clueless. maybe it’s not meant to be.

  • Igy says:

    If any woman want to domiante submissive guy text me on kik app [ID removed – note from GOTN: I do not allow people to exchange personal details in the comments here – I’m not a dating site and I cannot guarantee your safety or the safety of those who might contact you, please do not post personal contact details in comments. Ta! ]

  • paulf says:

    Thanks for this post – I’m a mid forties single blokey type bloke, look like a thug if I’m honest – always attract the very feminine type of woman but absolutely dream of finding a bossy moo with a cruel streak, couldn’t live the thing 24/7 but I’d be happy to let her wear the trousers, reading all the feedback gives me hope of finding her – one day!

    – tried the dating sites (fetish and vanilla), that’s a story in itself!, would love any help or recommendations of what a closet domme might be looking like or for etc!

  • Anon says:

    My wife can be prudish, stemming from molestation and worse when a little girl. She is thick and I love her ass. She’ll sit on my face as I lick away and jack-off. I nearly had to beg her to tease me with my own cum. Eating/cleaning my creampies is a big fantasy/turn-on.
    I can cum in her, then if she sits on my face quickly come again.
    I’m often frustrated, I’d be happy if when she’s not feeling in the mood to tell me to jack off after she leaves for work and lick/taste my own cum thinking of her feeding it to me as if she were sitting on my face. It would turn me on, and give her a break. It’s hard to tell her these things, as it seems to bring out her prudish insecurities even more.

    • Girl on the net says:

      I’m quite disturbed by your use of the word ‘prudish’ here – it sounds like your wife has been subjected to something deeply traumatic that has caused her understandable harm. That you can switch so easily from acknowledging her pain and trauma to framing it in terms of you not getting your sexual needs met is really worrying. It sounds like your wife needs care, support, kindness and understanding to help her process what was done to her, not pressure to perform sex acts for you. Please put your own kinks aside for a while, focus on your wife, and ask what you can do to help her before you go anywhere near these discussions about kink.

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