Welcome, take a seat. You’ll find a heartfelt apology letter inside an envelope just beneath it. This is the first in what will likely be a series of ‘GOTN uses sex toys in ways they were not technically designed for, because she does not have a boyfriend.’ Today I’m gonna be taking two Godemiche grind rings – genuinely fascinating and (as far as I know) unique sex toys, and attempting to grind out an orgasm while using them in a way that I don’t think was intended, but which I enjoyed nonetheless. Let’s go.
Firstly, you need to know that the Godemiche grind ring is designed to fit over someone’s cock, and provide texture just above that cock so you can grind your clit against it when you’re indulging in some fancy PIV (penis-in-vagina). It’s a neat idea, not least because I think it helps to counteract some misguided expectations from dick-owners that when someone’s on top of you, the only acceptable technique for them is to bounce up and down as fast and hard as possible like they’re wanking you off with their cunt. We’ve talked about this before: when I’m on top, it’s more pleasurable to grind than to bounce, and it is extremely annoying when cis dudes tell their partners we’re ‘doing it wrong’ because we aren’t simply using our vaginas the way they’d use a Fleshlight.
So. Godemiche win a point before their pretty grind rings have even arrived in my bedroom, because anything which encourages people to explore pleasurable techniques in a new way gets a double-thumbs-up from me.
How are you meant to use Godemiche grind rings?
The grind ring is designed to slip neatly over someone’s dick (and I think it’s achieved that aim – the material is squishy and stretchy enough that I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a dick it wouldn’t fit over, and I’ve tested it on an array of dildos and it seems to slide on just fine), then you do the fun thing, i.e. sit on that dick, and grind away with the texture providing extra stimulation to your clit. It’d also work like this in a variety of positions, though I reckon missionary would likely be the next greatest hit on the grind ring setlist. That’s how you’re meant to use it.
But because I am a pain in the arse, that is not how I used it, because I don’t currently have anyone with whom I can test out sex toys, and hopping atop a dildo so I can grind away is not my idea of a fun wank (I’m extremely lazy). It may be fun for you, in which case fucking go for it – you can pick up a grind ring in a variety of textures, and choose from an array of colours that frankly would put a sweetshop to shame.
Anyway. By this point I am the proud owner of two very beautiful bits of squishy silicone with intriguing textures on, and a duty to write something about them that amounts to more than ‘I am so sad that I have no regular dick’. What to do? Have a look at the picture below and see if you can guess what I obviously, immediately did.
That’s right, I placed them between my vulva and a Doxy. Basically, I had a textured Doxy wank. Grind ring cupped against my clit/cunt, Doxy set to ‘pulse’ mode as is traditional, and then I ground against it really good and hard.
The fun thing about doing this, for me, is that I am already a connoisseur of many different ways to use a Doxy, and yet still this sensation was brand new. The fact that the rumbly vibrations are being spread out a lot further means they travel down through the cunt and give a broader overall sensation. The textures of the grind rings disburse the feelings too, so you can genuinely grind your way to different sensations depending on where the squishy bumps and ridges land on (or around) your clit.
I had one that was bumpy and one that had waves, and if you twisted my arm and made me pick between them I’d say bumps are marginally better. You can also get spikes, which I chickened out of because I don’t want spikes near my vag, but now that I’ve actually felt the textures I totally get why that’d be good and I’d bet decent money on these being the most effective for Doxy-grind-ring-wanking purposes. Other things to note are that they’re surprisingly easy to clean. I had a hunch that those textures were gonna be a bitch to get quim out of, but the squishiness of the silicone gives it a lot of flex, and unlike with harder types of silicone you can fairly easily get in between the textures with antibac soap/a sex toy cleaner of your choice.
Grind rings: conclusions
If I had one complaint to make about the Godemiche grind rings its that I have absolutely nothing more to say about them than this. Seriously, my brain is tired. I am starting to wonder if my time might better be spent hunting for some local dick than promising sex toy companies I will write about toys that realistically I’m not qualified to review. The problem is, though, it’s not just about finding ‘some dick’, it’s about finding ‘someone who I genuinely really get on with in a fun way, and also fancy, with whom I have a good enough rapport that I can risk having experimental sex with potentially weird/wonderful stuff without either of us getting awkward about it.’
My ex would sometimes jokingly refer to ‘chore sex’ if we had to fuck something specific for my work, and that’s how I knew to rein it in a little in terms of what I was promising sponsors. But this kind of rapport takes time – you can’t just select a guy off a dating app to have work-related sex with, you first have to build the kind of relationship where he’d feel comfortable referring to something as ‘chore sex’ when he felt like it. What’s more, this kind of fuck cannot be the first ever one you try with someone new – you have to shag someone often enough, and well enough, that they don’t mind the odd experimental bang where you spend the first ten minutes fucking about with charger cables and instruction booklets (neither of which, luckily, you need for a Godemiche grind ring). That’s the kind of person I need, and he isn’t going to appear in my life overnight, especially as I can’t be bothered to date at the moment. So I’m gonna have to get used to doing solo sex-toy experiments, and in the meantime you’ll get a bunch of posts that are tangentially related to toys, while simultaneously being a vehicle for me to moan about my lack of regular dick.
In the meantime, go grab one of these unique, squishy, textured-clit-stim-enhancers if you fancy it, and use GotnShop for 10% off.
Tl;dr – I used the Godemiche grind rings wrong, but I had a lovely wank and you can too.
UPDATE May 2022: Godemiche have now released a vibrating plate that attaches to your grind ring if you want those sweet sweet vibes. Check out the Grind Ring V Plate here.
This post is sponsored, which means if you buy stuff from the lovely team at Godemiche, it helps me to keep this site running. And because I did such a terrible job of writing about the grind rings, I’m gonna tell you that you should also consider investing in some of their dildos (I’m a big fan of the Ambit, but there are loads) because they’re utterly beautiful. They also sell cool bondage stuff, like this drool gag, which I might actually ask them to send me because I have something lined up for which I might actually be able to use it PROPERLY. God, I’m so sorry. If it helps, though, I am gonna use this post as an example to show that you don’t always have to use sex toys for their intended purpose, sometimes you’re allowed to just combine them with your Doxy and rub a quick one out.