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An important relationship principle, learnt via cock rings

“You’ve put it on the wrong way.”
“I… no I haven’t.”
“You have it’s… look, the vibrating bit goes next to the balls.”
“No it fucking doesn’t.”

I own a few different cock rings, most of them fairly simple rings with one bullet vibe attached. I mainly own these ones because, until the encounter mentioned above, I always thought that the WHOLE POINT of a cock ring was that I could grind my clit happily into the buzzy bit, then have an orgasm intense enough that my cuntspasms would induce orgasm in the gentleman I was grinding against.

When I discovered that is not necessarily the case, my tiny mind was blown.

It turns out that he’d used cock rings before during masturbation, and had particularly enjoyed the tingling sensation that comes from putting a cock ring on upside-down, and feeling it tickle his balls. This put me in something of a quandary, because I’d always thought that cock rings were meant for me. To discover that these joyful parcels of sexy sensation might, in fact, be something that I had to share gave me a twitch of selfish rage akin to a child being told she has to let other kids play with her Lego.

Four ways to use cock rings that won’t end in a fight

I have come up with four solutions to this problem.

1. Keep the cock ring on my way, grind against him and get him to play with my tits until the resultant orgasmic wave washed over me. After which point I’d take a short break to remove the ring and put it on his way (i.e. the WRONG way), then continue humping until he spaffed. This worked pretty well, but had the drawback that we had to stop shagging just after I’d come, when my knees were weak and wobbly and I was therefore quite likely to fall off the bed, thus shattering my illusion of erotic expertise.

2. Use two cock rings at the same time. I haven’t actually tried this one, but I imagine having two means not only that you can have one the right way up and one the wrong way, you also get an extra boost of a cock ring’s best superpower: the ability to get and keep a guy harder than he’d usually be, for as long as it takes for you to ride him like a horny pony. On the downside, as one commenter pointed out, it’s probably not particularly comfortable.

3. Turn around. I’m on top, so I can technically dictate exactly where my clit goes, and therefore by simply turning around I can make sure that it buzzes against me, and against his balls, thus keeping us both happy. Thing is, while plenty of guys I know are generous enough to appreciate the sight of my arse – even if they have their glasses on and are stone-cold sober – I quite like having my tits played with. In fact, my favourite thing about being on top is that I can grab his hands and place them firmly on my tits, feeling him squeeze and support them like an enthusiastic bra-butler.

4. Get one that has two vibrating bits.

The moral of the story

Relationships are usually about give and take – going out of your way to ensure your partner’s pleasure, and putting their needs first. But occasionally – very occasionally – they are about spending twenty quid on a dual-vibrating cock ring to ensure you have no further arguments on the subject.

If you’re going to get a dual-vibrating cock ring, here are a couple of suggestions: this one’s a budget version if you’re tight on cash, and this one’s a slightly more expensive version but I reckon has a few more possibilities depending on which way round you put it on. This one is out of stock at the moment, but I’d quite like to have a go because it has a sort of cage thingy instead of just a ring, and therefore I suspect is REALLY GOOD at the diamond hardness thing. Use the code GOTN10 at the checkout if you want to get 10% off. 

10 Comments

  • From my experience wearing the things, option 2 is perhaps not the most comfortable one for the penis in question…!

  • Dm7 says:

    For option 3: what about being bent over doggie style? Or you sitting in his lap with your back to his chest, and you both sitting up right? Surely then in can buzz against his balls, your clit AND you can have your tits played with?

    • Girl on the net says:

      I thought about doggy style, but I think the issue with that is that doggy generally has to be quite pound-y rather than grind-y – for me at any rate. With buzzy vibes grinding always works better for me because I need the constant contact. You might be right on the sitting up thing – I’ll research it. With my vagina.

  • seasideslut says:

    I’m pretty sure we had this exact discussion before this point. :P

  • LOL!!! Loved it . . . I giggled all the way to point 4 and then “omg’dd” at the click-thrus. Only because they looked a bit “mechanical” as attachments which . . . previously . . . I’ve found difficult to take seriously. I’d always break into giggles watching, or trying to help, them being put on. BUT, but, just two weeks ago we received a “Cock & Balls Sling”. Hubby loves it, and I love the way it makes his balls hang and pout. So now, I’m thinking your click-thrus might be quite interesting after all!!!
    Xxx – K

    • Girl on the net says:

      Ooh, a ‘cock and balls sling’ sounds really interesting – I’m a big fan of cocks all tied up in a tight, hard package. Is it something like this…? http://bit.ly/ZlCdyp Or with two separate sections – one for cock and one for balls? I’m a fan of this kind of toy =)

  • “Spaffed”
    What an awesome word. I love it. Makes me almost wish I was a bloke, just so I could have a go at spaffing.

    • Girl on the net says:

      It’s one of my favourite words! Probably not for *during* sex though. Only the sexiest of Casanovas could successfully arouse someone by asking “Can I spaff on your tits?”

  • miss,ile says:

    Hi GOTN
    Wanted to say how much I have loved reading your blogs over the last couple of months,
    I have also read your book which made me laugh and got me horny in equal measures, alot of fun for early morning tube journeys!
    I was wondering if you had come across ‘language of desire’ felicity keith.
    If so what are your thoughts on it?
    Kind regards.

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