It’s that time again! It feels like it comes round earlier each year, doesn’t it? It’s Masturbation Month, which means that by the time I publish this you have probably all already wanked yourselves into a stupor with the fabulous selection of sex toys you already own. So, like a sexier, sweatier, sluttier version of Santa I’m here to unload a sack full of awesome Masturbation Month deals direct from my sponsors right into your eyes.
Usual info applies here: I wouldn’t include things in this post that I didn’t either a) have already and consider awesome or b) want desperately and think are very good deals. I try to make these round-ups sexy and fun so you can enjoy reading them even if you don’t have any cash to spare at the moment, but if you do have cash then clicking on the links and buying stuff through these fabulous companies supports my work and helps me keep this cum-splattered show on the road. Let’s go!
Lovense
I’ve definitely banged on about this on social media, but not yet had the opportunity here on the blog so indulge me: I am SO EXCITED to have Lovense as a sponsor here on the site. They make some of the most innovative and beautiful smart sex toys on the market including many that I’ve lusted after for a long time. Most of their toys can be used with an app which does many creative and wonderful things including allowing you to activate the toy using sound. Amazing if you have dexterity issues or your hands are too slippery with lube to press the buttons (accessibility covers so many different scenarios!) but also amazing if you are using it on a subby little fucker who enjoys being told to keep quiet while they squirm in the palm of your hand.
Top of my wishlist right now is the Ridge, which is a set of rotating anal beads that you can control via the Lovense app.
Image of the Ridge from Lovense’s website.
Just click through, watch the gif of that movement, where the tip of the toy swirls so neatly around inside someone… and imagine how that’s gonna feel on a prostate slut who wants you to tease their ass. I have imagined this many times, and I am desperate to try it out. I also think the prostate-targeted Edge 2 is worth exploring.
Image of the Edge 2 from Lovense’s website
I’ve used toys like this on partners as well as had them used on me, and although I don’t have a prostate I find that prostate-focused anal toys often stay in a little easier than standard butt plugs, and if they vibrate (as the Edge 2 does) they also provide a phenomenal sensation when you’re getting fucked in the cunt while the other toy is in your ass.
Right now Lovense are running a sale orgy, where you can get a ludicrous 55% off many of their toys – including the Ridge which I mentioned above, and there’s a hefty discount on the Edge 2 as well. Get in quick though, this deal ends on 25th May 2025.
Pleasure Garden
The Pleasure Garden is a fabulously inclusive sex toy shop, with a focus on body-safety when it comes to stocking hot things, so I have plenty of stuff to choose from here. I have recently been reminded about one of my absolute favourite masturbation sheath brands, which The Pleasure Garden stocks, so I’m going with that.
Tenga make some of my favourite masturbation sheaths in the world. I love them so much that when a friend of mine was visiting Japan recently, he sent me some pics from the official Tenga shop, including a snap of this beautiful necklace which I now desire with my whole soul.
Image courtesy of my pal @Beardynoise
You can’t buy this necklace anywhere in the UK as far as I know, but you CAN buy the products that inspired it and The Pleasure Garden stocks some excellent examples. Personally I’m a big fan of the Air Tech masturbation cups that inspired the necklace above – they’re easy to hold and have gorgeous textures inside for stimulation.
Image from the Pleasure Garden Shop website
But for a combination of visual appeal and next-level wanking, I think the geometric-inspired designs are my favourite. I have the Tenga spiral masturbator, and the squishy-ridged prettiness of it is such a joy. Plus, that surface? Lubed up it thrums so neatly and delicately over the coronal ridge as you stroke up and down.
Image from the Pleasure Garden Shop website
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: using one of these toys is like giving a hand job with superpowers.
Use the code GOTN10 for 10% off anything on their lovely website.
Doxy
There are ‘sex toy brands I love’ and then there are ‘sex toy brands I adore so much I would literally buy jewellery to rep them’. The only two which currently fall into the latter category are Tenga as above and, of course, Doxy. I was given a keyring many years ago which was a tiny stainless steel Doxy wand, and immediately attached it to a cord so I could wear it round my neck. I have a Doxy hat for winter, and if they sold t-shirts I’d have one of those too. They’re my go-to brand when recommending vibrations, because their powerful wands deliver a thuddy rumble that I’ve never experienced with any other toy, and their bullet vibes are next-level if you’re after something subtler.
However today what I want to highlight is their newest product. A product which I haven’t been able to write up myself yet, but which I’m going to immediately request from their lovely marketing people because it’s adorable and dinky. The Doxy Go is a miniature Doxy that fits in the palm of your hand. And if you don’t think that’s cute as fuck then we probably cannot be friends. Look at it! Aww!
Image from the Doxy website
I am going to ask for one immediately, and if you would like one too then I can tell you Doxy will give you 20% off if you sign up to their newsletter, OR they’ll give you a Doxy Go completely free if you buy one of their beautiful ‘Doxy By You’ wands (excludes the OG Doxy). So: buy a customised, beautiful Doxy Die Cast or rechargeable Doxy and get this adorable dinky miniature version for free.
(If this offer has stopped running by the time you read this guide, you can get 15% off plus free shipping (depending on where you are) by using my code: GOTN15.)
Whipple Tickle
These amazing people have so many products that I’m a bit kid-in-a-sweetshop when deciding what to pick as a highlight. But one of the things that jumped out at me in their summer sale is this kickass positioning equipment: straps and velcro cuffs with pillow. Helps you get your legs back nice and far while someone is railing you, and you can have your hands restrained as a bonus option. Perhaps this appeals to me even more right now because I’m training for a London-Brighton (boring-excersise-twat voice: have you heard the good news about all the exercise I’m doing at the moment?!) and it involves a lot of cycling so when I get railed after a 45-mile training ride, a bit of help sounds like just the ticket.
Image via the Whipple Tickle website
This is currently out of stock but should come back in tomorrow (or soon after). I wrote this before it sold out, and I think it’s cool so I want to keep it in. In the meantime I will also highlight this kickass thing…
A chain whip. I have nostalgic memories of one of these being used on me in the first ever BDSM club I went to. I was nineteen I think, and wearing my first ever proper corset, kindly bought for me by the unbelievably hot guy I was seeing at the time (pinch me). The house Mistress showed us around the dungeon, and asked if we’d like her to play with us for a bit. In between smacks with her hand and softer whips, she pulled a chain whip like this out of a bucket of ice beside her, and trailed it over my hot-hot post-beaten skin. The sensation was incredible.
As was the initial terror in my partner’s eyes when he saw it and thought she was going to belt me with it.
Image via the Whipple Tickle website
These are just a couple of suggestions, but please do have a browse around and when you’re buying, use the code GOTN10 for 10% off everything on WhippleTickle.com
Meo
Another shop that feels almost impossible to choose one product from, Meo stocks such a wide range of sex and kink equipment you are liable to gather at least two new fetishes within five minutes of opening a browser tab. I chose two because I have to have a couple of headline items to grab your attention, but take this as a nudge to go and look round if you have money burning a hole in your pocket and kinky thoughts in your head.
I love this posture collar because, as a fan of giving head and also being used, I think there’s something deliciously beautiful about being compelled to hold a particular position. The other day a guy face-fucked me while I knelt beneath his standing desk, and having recently been shortlisting links for this very post, it occurred to me that my utter degradation would have been made even sexier and more intense with the addition of something like this. Plus, men look outrageously hot in these. I don’t currently know any men who would be up for wearing one while I ride them, but if you do then click the link and treat yourself.
Image via the Meo website
I also wanted to highlight this amazing restraint kit designed to lock your cock and balls tight between your legs while your wrists are restrained behind your back. It works in a similar way to the humbler (exceptional name, by the way) but with the addition of the wrist cuffs for even more tension when you’re putting someone at your mercy. Click the link for a model demonstrating exactly how it’s … *soft, yearning voice* … used.
Image via the Meo website
Meo are currently offering 20% off if you sign up to their newsletter, so get in quick if you want to buy!
VR Guide
Have you heard of ‘passthrough’ VR porn? I get all my news about this kind of thing from SexTechGuide, which is worth a browse if you’re a massive sex nerd, or just a tech nerd with a passing interest in how amazingly creative the adult industry is in applying new tech. ‘Passthrough’ porn is essentially VR porn that you can watch as if it’s happening in your own living room – like augmented reality. Performers are captured in VR and then projected into whichever space you’re in.
Virtual reality porn is already a step above standard flatscreen porn when it comes to intimacy – the first time I watched it myself I felt almost embarrassed by how close I was to a stranger while they were getting railed. To some it will feel uncanny, but to many this intimacy is the key selling point of VR as a technology.
Check out SexTechGuide’s mammoth overview of the best VR porn deals, and ‘passthrough porn’ in particular if this sounds like your sort of thing.
Check out some ideas for hot sex games to play with VR porn too, because I used to go out with a guy who had a headset and was a massive nerd/pervert. The dream.
SplashBlanket
These fabulous people have a business that sits in the perfect sweet spot when it comes to sex: their products can definitely be used to enhance a fuck, but they’re not overtly sexual, so you don’t have to worry about the same marketing challenges that sex industry companies contend with every day (being locked out of using certain services, shadowbanned from platforms, etc). They make fluidproof blankets, sheets, and other awesome things like dressing gowns too. For you as a potential buyer, that means you never have to hide their stuff away when guests come to visit, because you can just tell them you’re clumsy like I am and spill your coffee on everything.
They don’t have to know that when you’re getting fingered you squirt like a Super Soaker.
Image from the Splashblanket website
Incidentally, although I’ve shouted about these awesome fluidproof blankets before from a ‘squirt’ perspective, I think they’re also really good for massage. If you like getting slippery (as I do) and being full-body rubbed in slick substances (me me me me), then having a sheet or a blanket you can throw down before you begin is a must. Personally I like black, but they come in a variety of colours.
And if you order now, you can get a free splashproof backpack – only until the end of May or while stocks last though, so be quick if you’d like one!
Literotica
As is traditional, because they’re amazing people who have kindly supported my work for a long time, I’m ending this guide with Literotica links – they don’t require you to spend any money at all, you can just head to the website and treat yourself to some fabulous community-written smut. Seeing as this is Masturbation Month, why not start at the Masturbation & Sex Toys section? Or, if you’re here at GOTN dot com because you love audio porn, go check out their amazing (and ever-growing) audio erotica section!
Aaaaand there you have it. A little reminder, this Masturbation Month, that my sponsors exist and they’re awesome, and that buying things from them helps keep this site going. If you’re not in the market to buy things right now, please do remember for the future and come back and click the ads if you ever do want to pick up some sexy stuff. You can also support my work by joining my Patreon, but it seems churlish to include a link here where I’m meant to be shouting about other people. The other thing you can do to support me, which is completely free of charge, is share the link to this post with sex-loving friends of yours, in case they fancy picking up a hot Masturbation Month deal.