Begging for cum: is it hot enough to be worth risking pressure?

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

There’s usually a moment during a fuck where I can sense a change in pace from the dude who is fucking me: a slight increase in speed, or a pause, that can mean he’s on the verge of coming. At this point, what I really want to do is start begging for cum. Tell him ‘please god yes fucking squirt your cum inside me.’ But it’s a pretty risky strategy.

Sidenote: I’m using ‘cum’ for the substance, even though I utterly detest the spelling ‘cum’, but I will maintain ‘come’ for the actual act of coming because you’ll have to pry the phrase ‘he came inside me’ out of my cold, dead cunt. 

Begging for cum: the case for

I really love it when people come inside me. It is one of my favourite parts of a fuck. I know not all fucks have to end in orgasm, and great sex can be had even if no orgasm occurs for anyone involved, but still – I like it. Let’s call it a kink. I like the sensation of someone’s dick twitching as they pump their spunk inside me. I like the grunty-hot noises they often make when they do it. If we’re not using condoms, I like lying there afterwards feeling jizz drip out of me and remembering the face they pulled when they shot their bolt.

I like it.

And in my (albeit recently very limited) experience, sometimes begging for someone’s cum – please fucking shoot inside me, please give me your cum, I want you to fill me with spunk, etc etc – gives them that extra nudge to tip them over the edge. It may not be for everyone, but some guys really like it when I whimper and beg for their cum.

Thus: begging for cum can become a neat orgasm trigger, and me pleading for it helps the waves of orgasm start to crash, which in turn means I get hot just from saying the fucking words because I’m excited about the effect they will have. Begging is fun for me, and sometimes jizz-triggering for the other person.

So far, so simple. Except…

Begging for cum: the case against

Sex, as a general rule, is best when there’s no pressure. Just as you don’t get someone over erectile dysfunction by yelling ‘GET HARD NOW PLEASE’ so you can sometimes ruin an orgasm by insisting someone try to have one. I definitely won’t come if someone just tells me ‘I’m gonna count down from ten to one and when I reach one you’ll come for me’, and in fact I am royally fucked off with how often this is used as a trope in BDSM sex – as if the dominant has literal magical powers and the sub is merely a tool he can turn on and off with the flick of a switch.

Begging for cum isn’t quite the same thing – it’s a request rather than a demand. But it’s not a request that arrives sans pressure: I flatter myself that if I get into the zone of this and really let myself go, the way in which I plead for someone to shoot hot torrents of spunk deep inside me is tricky to interpret as a mere suggestion.

So I’ve introduced pressure. I have suddenly hurled a giant rock of intimidation into what was previously a fun fuck, and thus potentially knocked him a step back from coming at all.

And talking dirty is hot and fun – I like to tell people how good their dick feels, ask them to hurt me, tell them they’re so fucking hard and they’re fucking me so deep it feels so good unngh yeah fuck oh God yeah more please harder… but I’ve never felt it would be a good idea to whisper ‘don’t lose your erection’ in someone’s ear partway through. I’m worried that begging for cum might fall a teeny way into that category.

Am I being like one of those doms who instructs someone to orgasm at the end of a countdown? Am I piling pressure on to someone at the moment they most need me to back off? Or is the knife-edge of begging for cum hot partly because of this uncertainty?

Either way, it’s hard to resist. Because at the end of the day I just really want your cum.

I won’t throw a petulant strop if you can’t quite give it to me yet, but I will enjoy asking if you’re up for it: gimme.



  • fuzzy says:

    I have, in fact, used the countdown to “come” specifically to ensure that when she is close that she doesn’t, exploiting the very scenario you describe. I’ve done it multiple times until she was begging me to please not do the countdown again, ha-ha, at that point you don’t even have to count *down*, you start and “one, two, …” and just go up while grinning evilly (because you can’t help grinning evilly).

  • Faustian says:

    As I’m on the receiving end of the begging I can say you make a remarkable strong case for. Phew.

    And the case against? I’m sure it can be pressurising but it can also be another thing to play with. if I’m not quite there yet when those delightful words are uttered then it just means she’s not earnt it yet and needs to work harder, or needs a little reminder *I* don’t do things on her whims, etc.

  • Oxyfromsg says:

    I’m 47. Every time I have been asked to cum during sex, I have cum.
    So…..a little begging for it is ok in my books

  • Adam says:

    As one who always came early, I never understood the ability for men to delay orgasm… I would do the alphabet or dead president lists, but my body would get to the point where there was no stopping.

    Fem Dom lit aside, can men really tell themselves not to come?

    • Girl on the net says:

      Very good question, and I’m only going to answer it quickly here so I can see if I’m wrong, then throw it open to other people who have direct understanding of it: from what I gather from fucks I’ve had, delay isn’t about choosing ‘oh, I’ll come in 2 more minutes’, it’s about saying ‘I won’t come now’ so pausing sometimes or (very sexily) telling me ‘don’t move, stay still or I’ll come’, then when we pause, the orgasm might disappear from 4 seconds away to like literally never. I’m guessing that depends on whether they thought hard enough about Margaret Thatcher? But people who ejaculate, please weigh in because this is super fascinating and I would like to know in detail how you hold off coming and what techniques you have for doing that.

  • Lacrymology says:

    +1 to what GOTN said. If I see there’s imminent danger, I pause, and yes, it might go forever, or it might delay for a few minutes, in my experience it depends mostly on my partner, there’s people who just pressure me on the right spots and make me cum super quick, and there’s people with whom I have to be in complete control of rhythm and position to get there again, and then again, sometimes it works one way or the other depending on other stuff like how horny I am, or just physically how long it’s been since I’ve had sex (masturbation frequency doesn’t seem to have a whole lot of incidence).

    And sometimes I just can’t or don’t want to delay (and many times it’s hard to tell the difference between not being able to delay and being so on the zone I can’t be bothered to switch gears)

    But yes, mostly waiting or otherwise changing rhythm does the trick for me.

    Many times I gather it sucks for the other person because “receiving” (I can’t think of a better way to say this) side orgasms many times seems to depend on steady simulation and getting lost in “the zone”, but most times waiting a few seconds will mean I’m able to go on for quite a while longer and they can get there. When switching gears is out of the question it’s more or less a matter of chance, but there’s always other body parts (or accessories) one can fuck with

  • Jay says:

    I’ve been asked to post here. Yes there are ways for people with a penis and a prostate (this combo is a prereq) to delay their orgasm. Not through mental imagery, although “men” are very visually focused.

    If you want to delay your orgasm there are several things you can do, these involve some physical activities.
    I will add the caveat that this will work for most people, not for all people.

    The easiest way to get your body out of “money shot” mode is by squeezing your balls or the glans of your penis. The con of this exercise is that you can actually also lose your erection and it could probably interrupt all the happy sexiness you were having. Now those tricks are the surefire “beginner” tricks.

    The more advanced (to very advanced) way to postpone your orgasm and increase “your stamina” is by doing some advanced kegel exercises and learning about how your prostate works.
    As it turns out the prostate has a couple of sphincters that are normally involuntary, which basically means, you do the business, one closes, the other one opens and POP goes the weasel.

    With the kegel exercises and getting to know how to control the sphincters on your prostate, you can in fact stop yourself from cumming and so postponing your orgasm. This is of course a very short explanation of what can be done and not so much a lesson about how to do it, I realize that, but learning how to do it, takes a lot of effort and training. There is in fact a device and training available for this purpose, but I will refrain from unintentionally spamming this great website.

  • M says:

    I am a penis-haver, and not just in the consumption sense: I possess one of my very own. however, obviously, people’s bodies differ a-plenty, and my experience is not everyone’s, so this is of course my own quite individual perspective. Although I am partial to an actual quickie in the right circumstances, I usually prefer something much longer, so I’ve clearly got the hang of something about this.

    I mentally conceptualise it a bit like the the climbing part of a rollercoaster, except without the necessarily having ratchet that prevents you from plummeting backwards: maintain enough momentum to keep going until you’re teetering at the top and then… release. Whoosh.

    With a good relationship and practice, that BDSM countdown trope isn’t totally unrealistic, but it’s not easy to pull off (no pun, etc.), and there’s a fair amount of subtlety to it that isn’t necessarily captured well in fiction, for example: for a start, you can’t start counting until you know they’re within touching distance of orgasm, the end of the countdown is much more of a “permission to release” than a “you must come now” even if it’s presented as the latter, and dovetailing a countdown with the unpredictability of orgasm is tricky, at best. That said, some people’s buttons are easier to press than others, and a big part of a D/s relationship is learning how all those buttons work.

    All of that said, there’s quite a range within that “teetering at the top” section, and it’s not always obvious to me in the moment where within that range I might be.

    Often, for sure, I can change rhythm, hold things for a moment to cool down slightly, or stare at something innocuous on the wall for a little bit if it feels like I’m getting there a bit quicker than I want to be, but that’s definitely not always possible; half a second too late and it doesn’t matter what I do, I’m already over the edge. Personally, I don’t enjoy that ohfuckican’tstopit feeling all that much, because by that point I’ve typically already stopped actively trying to come, and so it doesn’t feel nearly as explosive and powerful as it would if I’d carried on.

    Obviously there are a range of factors that influence that, and for my part a person I’m fucking begging me to come definitely has an effect. Conversely, although I tend to avoid Thatcher (I don’t want her image sticking around in my head in this particular context thankyouverymuch), the change of pace sometimes seems to work a bit too well. I guess (largely speculation) there’s an ebb in the testosterone or adrenaline or something when that happens, and bits of my anatomy are fully “oh, we’re done? cool, I’ve got shit to do, seeya”. Doesn’t happen too often, though, thankfully.

  • Tess says:

    Cock-haver here, I find delaying orgasm is a balance between it and also staying hard (and enjoying yourself as well). Pausing only seems to work for as long as you pause for, especially if already close, when your mind clouded by the desperation to cum. What I find more effective is finding positions and angles don’t give as much stimulation to the cockhead. And you can go for quite a while enjoying someone’s arse without the pressure to cum building. If you’re lucky, you can then reposition quickly when they beg you to cum (which is so intensely hot, if you’re trying to avoid coming then the release of just being begged to cum is amazing).

    It can go awry, like not getting enough stimulation or being at a uncomfortable angle and going limp. Going for too long and then you’re out of energy to cum, going too long for your partner and them needing to stop for the night. But if you go into it with orgasm not the goal, but a possibility, it will work out fine!

  • I’ve said it before. A lot. For the exact reasons you describe. Spookily exact. Get out of my head. However, I’ve only done it with people I have a decently long sexual experience with– people who wouldn’t suddenly be put off by such a demand. And I _know_ their general level of stamina/endurance/willpower. Those little sounds they make which trumpet an imminent ejaculation are my candy, and the moment I quit clamping down on their neck long enough to beg them to take the top of my damn head off.

  • ftandhubby says:

    Men can control their orgasm’s…….sometimes. For me it’s simply not doing the things that I know will put me over the top. A certain position, a hot thought, something she says that turns me on beyond belief. The other component is generally when we have sex I’m going to come at some point. There is a certainty to most men’s orgasms and once your arrive their it generally signals the end of that sexual encounter. Not so for woman, your orgasms (for some) are much less certain and you may have more than one. So a delay in orgasm for me prolongs the pleasure. That said my partner enjoy’s men’s orgasm’s more than any other part. If she’s being used by a man to get off she want’s him so turned on his orgasm overcomes him before he can do anything about it…….

  • Valery North says:

    So many hot thoughts in the OP!

    Personally, I think it can cut both ways. I have had difficulty achieving climax with a partner, and that seems to be related to the SSRIs I was on for a year way back – and I have definitely had stress-related difficulty getting fully erect in the past, so pressure does have a negative effect on my “performance” in that regard. But knowing from early on that, if it gets to the “endgame”, my partner is eager to receive it, makes the whole experience from start to finish seem hotter and more arousing. Alternatively, I think if the begging happens later in the fuck, then if it’s unexpected or I’m just not yet close, then the pressure element will take precedence, but if it’s something that my partner and I have negotiated as a thing they like to do, and if they can feel me very close to the brink, then it’s going to be superhot. Lots of “please” and desperation turns me on, or the idea of my partner presenting themselves as a receptacle, “Whenever you’re ready, please give me your cum”. Or explicitly framing it as a choice that I (as the Dominant partner) make: “Please be generous/merciful/kind/good/bountiful and give me…”. Finally, there is also the roleplaying Dom/Sub version with the whole Brer Rabbit/briar patch mode: “Please, Master, don’t make me take your cum!” with wide-eyed, overplayed desperation actually communicating eagerness for my “cruelty” in making them receive it. (Of course, that needs to be solidly negotiated beforehand, otherwise I’d probably just panic, stop and check-in instead, which would probably kill the moment, though NOT the fuck necessarily).

    As far as delaying is concerned for me as a biocock-wielder, I find the longer I have to stay hard, the harder it is to achieve ejaculation/orgasm release at the end of it. When wanking, if this happens I tend to let it go soft again – then I’ll come super-quick into a renewed attempt at masturbating,or else I just lose interest and fall asleep (if in bed) or read/watch/do something else. So for me a delay is absolutely as GOTN outlines it – a “when we pause, the orgasm might disappear from 4 seconds away to like literally never.”

  • Lisa Stone says:

    In practice, such requests can work both in one and the other direction, either speeding up the moment of ejaculation or reducing potency. It all depends on how, when and to whom it is said.

  • Hardin says:

    I think it would be idiotic for a guy to say “don’t move or I will come” as it could ruin the moment. Might be better to say something along the lines of “you’re so hot, you’re going to make me come” and let the female decide what action to take. The situations that I have been in, I don’t recall a woman ever saying “No, don’t come yet”. Which is a relief because I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold it in anyways. As for the flip side, when I’ve said that and the woman says “Come, come on me” its game over almost instantaneously. Its such a turn on and the feeling is too overwhelming to not come. As for trying to hold off on coming, this has never worked for me. I end up going limp trying to extend the sexual act by thinking of something that is not about sex or less about coming.

    • Girl on the net says:

      Idiotic? Blimey, no – it’s *incredibly* hot. Also there are LOTS of times when I’ve enjoyed having the opportunity to say ‘actually no don’t come yet’ – the refractory period means that someone might not be able to keep shagging me if they come, and there’s also all the fun of edging and build-up and all that stuff. Here’s a post with an example of a dude doing exactly that ‘don’t move or I’ll come’ thing, and it was incredibly hot: I totally get if it’s not for you, it just strikes me as weird to say it’s ‘idiotic’ when so many fun shags involve exactly this for other people!

      Thank you for contributing though, I appreciate your thoughts – especially on how ‘come’ can in itself be a come-trigger =)

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