Dating a sex blogger: what is it actually like?

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

People often think that dating a sex blogger consists of living every single day on a sexual rollercoaster: shagging first thing in the morning, enjoying a blow-job with your post-work Xbox session, and then filling your evenings with creative fucking as you test out brand new sex toys. Here’s what it’s actually like.


Me: “I need to tell you something.”

Him: “What’s up?”

“It’s something that I kind of don’t want to tell you but I think you’d probably want me to tell you. I do not in any way want to control you or your life choices – EVER – so before I say this thing, it’s important to me that you understand I would never want to be the person who prevented you from doing something that makes you happy.”


“But I know you often ask me with a lot of earnestness what I think of some of your choices, and we discussed this in relationship counselling and I said I’d try to be better at giving you the things you need even though they’re not the kind of things that I might need. So while I wouldn’t want to know what you think of those choices if they were MINE, I do understand you’re a different person and sometimes you care what I think about this stuff.”


“I don’t think that t-shirt really suits you.”


If I had to describe what it’s like dating a sex blogger, the last thing I would mention is that we have All The Sex. More noticeable is all the talking. Sure, sometimes we have to run round the house in a panic because we’ve lost two butt plugs, someone’s Mum is coming round, and we don’t want her to find them between the sofa cushions. But if I’m really honest sex blogging is less about massive dildos than it is about massively overanalysing every tiny nuance of your own relationships.

To the point where you nearly fuck up those relationships by giving your very patient boyfriend a heart attack.



1 Comment

  • I’ve never dates someone who is not, to some extent at least, a sex blogger. My first girlfriend, while not a sex blogger per se, had a LiveJournal on which she occasionally mentioned sex – with me originally, and then to distress me after we broke up and she started shagging around to hurt me.

    While my current girlfriend isn’t a sex blogger any more (and the previous three all gave up blogging at some point – I call it The ILB Curse™), I don’t really have any experience if what it’s like to date someone who isn’tblogging. Nor so I have any experience of dating someone who doesn’t read my blog. I often wonder – in fact, I wonder a lot – about what it would be like to be in either of those situations. It’s probably the norm for a lot of people and yet it’s a norm I’ve completely missed out on!

    I feel you insofar as regards overanalysis of your relationship(s), as that’s genuinely what you’re both reading and writing about on a fairly constant basis. I’ve always tried to be genuine and honest as a blogger, and sometimes if I write about “the bad stuff” it makes me incredibly nervous. I mean, I’ll hit publish anyway, but it’s much more difficult to do so when you know exactly who’s going to be reading!

    What I like about the sort of dating I do, however, is that you can actually talk about the whole sex blogging side of stuff with your other half and don’t have to censor, or hide anything. We talk to each other about other sex bloggers (sometimes even using their legal names OMGZ SCANDAL); we discuss and praise and bitch about bloggers and the community at large, and we can go to sex-positive events and use terms like “queer pansexual girlfriend” and “heteroflexible” without having to look them up.

    Plus, you know, double free stuff when you go to an event.

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