I’ve been thinking about dickheads a lot lately. I mean, specifically, the head of a dick. The most sensitive, lickable part. The bit that’s most fun to run your tongue over. The part that you can kiss with spit-moistened lips. I like paying special attention, during languid suck-jobs, to all the different ways I can use my tongue on the head: flat on the underside, swirls round the ridge, firm flicks over it from side-to-side or up-and-down. Right now, I’m obsessed with the head of a dick. The way the ridge of it feels solid against the topside of my tongue when I flatten it and lick. The way I can wet it with one smooth, wet motion – running my tongue around as I playfully pretend that I’m not going to put it all the way back in my throat. The noises I can suck out of someone when I finally dip the head into my waiting mouth, and the twitching agony in his body if I keep doing that – over and over – without ever swallowing the whole of him. Sorry. This is technically meant to be a review of the new Godemiche OffBeat masturbation sheaths, but already I’m distracted. Dick does that to me.
These toys were provided to me by Godemiche for free, and they sponsor my website. If you buy from them you’re directly supporting my work. You’ll also get a 15% discount if you use the code GOTN at the checkout.
If you’re not familiar with the OffBeat yet, go check out the Godemiche site or this post I wrote about the first OffBeat toys. They’re silicone wank sheaths (in itself a bit of a novelty, because most wank sheaths tend to be made of more porous material) that come in a variety of beautiful colours. And they’re open at both ends which is great for:
a) cleaning (anyone who’s forgotten the pile of Fleshlights drying inside-out next to their kitchen sink when their parents pop round would do well to consider one of these) and
b) watching the spunk shoot out the head of someone’s cock rather than just deep into a toy that frustratingly doesn’t let you see the money shot. Also works if you want to catch the spunk in your mouth/hair/eyes or on your tits.
Anyway. Godemiche have just launched some brand new textures for the OffBeat and they offered me the chance to try some out. Naturally, I leapt at the opportunity. And because I am so obsessed with dickheads right now, I specifically asked for the smaller versions. You can buy larger ones that envelop the shaft as well, but what I really wanted was to test out new textures on the shiny, lickable, smooth-as-marble head of someone’s aching dick.
Prep: lube, blindfolds and enthusiasm
So yeah, I want to test out a couple of new textures of wank sheath on someone. And what I really want to do, honestly, is embrace the opportunity to really go to town on the head. I want to start out by teasing it. Just the head. With wet lips and tongue and lubed-up fingers. Then what I want is to tease it with these wank sheaths: stroking reeeeeallllyyy slooooowlllly up and down, and twisting in taut motions around the head.
I am, naturally, going to ask for this guy’s opinion on each of them, so I want him to really understand every detail of what’s going on. Truth be told, I am curious about how much his dick can identify. I know that the head is generally the most sensitive part (your mileage may vary, but this is definitely true of him), but I also know that sensitivity doesn’t always equal understanding of detail. My vagina is incredibly sensitive, but I’m not sure it – like my fingertips – could read Braille. I’ve picked what I think are two very different textures: the Bubble (large convex bubbles on the inside of the sleeve)…
And the Tantacle (tiny little suckers, like you’d get if you were being wanked off by a small octopus who was using only the very ends of their tentacles).
There are two other textures too – the Wave (wavy ridges running up and down the sheath)…
And the Kraken (much larger concave dimples – like larger tentacle suckers).
I haven’t tried either of the latter two yet, but if you have please do tell me about it in explicit detail in the comments.
OffBeat, fingers, tongue: Just the tip
The first thing I do is lay out all my kit next to where he sits on the sofa, and instruct him to get comfortable. I have both the wank sheaths, lube, and a towel for wiping the lube off my hands between applications. One of my biggest frustrations with lube is that it gets fucking everywhere, so I like to be able to apply it to the bits that matter (i.e. the inside of the sheath) then wipe it off my hands so I can properly work (i.e. grip the outside of the sheath without it slipping from my dick-hungry grasp). Then I ask him to put on a blindfold.
Just as I don’t have much fun writing toy posts which have no sexy bits in, so I also don’t tend to enjoy real-life sex that is purely experimental, with no spunk-hunger to drive it. So I start by sucking him hard – getting myself turned on by indulging in one of life’s simple pleasures, that of holding a cock in your mouth and tonguing it while you feel the blood rush in to stretch out the skin and make it taut, shiny and beautiful. Then, fingertips. Juuuust fingertips: lubed up and stroking, pinching, swirling.
When the time is right to switch from fingertips to toys, I instruct him to grip the base of his cock. Foreskin pulled back, fingers in a tight ring around the base for maximum head-hardness. Then I lube up the Bubble and get to work. Softly to start – nice and wet and slippery, in gentle twisting motions just over the tip of his dick. Not yet sliding the sheath down so the textures ripple over the ridge of the head, just ever-so-gently around and around the very peak of the head.
Like, really squirms. I can both hear and see the breath catching in his throat when I switch direction, or squeeze a bit more tightly. He purses his lips in concentration and his thighs and hips tremble a little, desperate to thrust upwards and feel more. I ask him which one he thinks this might be and he tentatively replies ‘the one with suckers?’
Wrong. That was the OffBeat Bubble. Nil points so far, but I have higher hopes for him once he’s felt the texture of the other one.
I give him a little bit more of it before I switch them out. Sliding the sheath down just below the head so I can chase it with my lips, rippling the bubble texture over the ridge, and following it in slick lines with my mouth and tongue.
Note to self: this is what flavoured lube is for. My standard lube tastes like a chemistry set.
When he’s good and squirmy from the tongue thing, I lube up the next sheath – the OffBeat Tantacle – and position it just at the head. Ask him ‘are you ready?’ and receive an eager nod. This one’s harder to slip down, so I add more lube. The tiny suckers give far more friction, and the sensation makes his cock twitch. I follow the pattern: down, twist, up, not yet quite going down far enough. I like it when he’s clearly aching to thrust upwards and feel it all.
‘Oooh,’ he says, in a voice I can’t quite measure. ‘This one feels a lot rougher.’
I take it away. Switch back to fingers and tongue and lube, and pick up the Bubble again. To me, the word ‘rough’ is not one that encourages further play, but when he realises I’ve switched out he’s almost annoyed: ‘No,’ he tells me ‘put it back. Rougher isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’
Rough, it turns out, in this context just means ‘more intense.’ The smooth motion of the convex bubbles feels lovely on his dick, but the rougher feeling of the suckers gives a bit more stimulation. I switch them out a few more times, showing one off and then the other, gradually sliding down from ‘just the tip’ to longer strokes, giving the full length of his shaft the opportunity to guess which one is which.
Conclusion? He didn’t know. Genuinely couldn’t work it out. The textures both felt noticeably different – we were pleased we’d chosen two which gave distinctly different sensations – but he couldn’t confidently point to one and say ‘Tantacle’ or ‘Bubble.’ Perhaps with a little more time, and a short tutorial on which one was which, he’d have managed to nail the difference. But by the time that occurred to me I was already too far down the rabbit hole of being obsessed with dick head, so I wanted to have it in me.
This is why I’m shit at toy reviews. I abandoned the toys and we fucked. Sometimes people get annoyed with me because I finish a blog post before someone’s come, so for what it’s worth I’ll tell you that if I’d wanted to let him come with the toys, I could easily have done it: held one in each fist, told him to grip the base of his cock to keep the foreskin back and the shaft still, then gone to town switching between them until I brought him to climax with swift, longer strokes with the ‘rougher’ (i.e. more intense) Tantacle.
I didn’t, though: I just fucked him. Sorry, I was greedy for cock.
The money shot: win your own Godemiche goodies
Here’s a better money shot for you though: the opportunity to win Godemiche toys of your own. To celebrate the launch of these new textures – of which there are four – Godemiche are offering five £25 vouchers to spend on anything in their store. You can use them to pick up a couple of OffBeats of your own, or a dildo, or mix and match to have a real party. They wanted to give vouchers rather than products so you can pick exactly what you get rather than have your sex life dictated by a random cock-hungry slag like me (although they put it far more politely).
I can thoroughly recommend any of the OffBeat toys, even the ones I haven’t tried yet, because even if the sheer delight of having an easy-to-clean silicone sheath in your collection isn’t enough to persuade you, the textures themselves are delightfully firm. Paired with the squeeze of your hand on the outside, you can do a lot more with them than you can with many other sheaths. They’re like tools that enhance the texture of your palm when you’re wanking someone off, which gives you more control and connection than you’d get with something like a Fleshlight. Don’t get me wrong, those toys are great too, but if you consider yourself a dick artiste, you probably want a variety of tools so you can switch out depending on the job. The OffBeats come in two sizes – Grande (small – 2in, these are the ones I got) and Venti (large – 4in), and because they’re custom made to order, you can pick almost any colour under the sun. I got mine in UV colours, because one day I want a UV light so I can wank someone off so quickly it makes their cock look like a glowstick.
Anyway. I digress. Want to win some awesome sex toys? Just retweet the competition tweet, follow @GSilicone on Twitter, and be over 18. Full terms and conditions below. If you don’t like entering sexy competitions, or you don’t have Twitter, you can still order direct from them and get 15% off anything with the code GOTN.
Win Godemiche vouchers – Ts and Cs
- Retweet the competition tweet and follow @Gsilicone on Twitter to be in with a chance of winning a £25 voucher to use on any products in their shop, no cash alternative.
- Competition open from when this post goes live until midday (UK time) on Saturday 1st May 2021.
- All entrants must be over 18.
- Winners will be chosen by random draw after closing time, and notified by Godemiche via Twitter DM. If a winner does not claim their prize within 5 days a new winner will be redrawn.
- By entering you confirm you’re happy for Godemiche to contact you in order to send your prize in the event that you win.
- You will receive your voucher code online, and any purchased products will be sent from the UK, but the competition is open worldwide as long as sex toys can be legally shipped to your country. Godemiche cannot be responsible for customs charges if they apply in your country – please check if you are liable for import charges from the UK before entering.
- In order to administer the competition, a tool will be used to select a retweet at random – the draw tool will not be able to count entries made by suspended accounts, or accounts which are set to “private”.