Sex tips from blog readers: what are your best sex tips?

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

Recently I ran a competition on Twitter with my awesome site sponsor The Pleasure Garden. We wanted to do something a bit more fun than the usual ‘retweet to win’ competition, so instead we asked people to contribute their best sex tips: what advice have you picked up during your own sexual play that you’d like to pass on to other people? The results were amazing, and although the winner is being announced over on The Pleasure Garden’s blog, I was so delighted by the fabulous suggestions that I wanted to show them all a bit of extra love here, and share some of the wisdom that people were kind enough to chip in. Here’s a selection of your best sex tips…

Best sex tips: use lube!

This one came up a LOT and rightly so. Lube is the magical ingredient that can take a fuck from rough to smooth: one that makes it easier to insert fingers, cocks or toys, or just provide that crucial layer of slipperiness so you can really get stuck in to a hand job.

Lube isn’t just a ‘nice to have’ for me – especially now I’m getting into hand jobs – it’s an essential. If you want to pick up some lube for yourself, check out the following products from The Pleasure Garden.

  • Liquid Silk: this water-based lube is the one I have on hand in my bedside drawer at all times. It’s also the one I spy most frequently on the bedside tables of men I fuck. And honestly, if there’s one thing you can be sure of about men that I fuck it’s that they all have exceptional taste.
  • Pjur vegan lube: I love The Pleasure Garden for a number of reasons, but above all I love their inclusive approach. So yes, of course they stock vegan lube. Like the one above, this is also water-based, so it’s safe to use with toys as well as condoms.

Best sex tips: communicate!

It’s advice we hear a lot when it comes to sex (I’ve given it a lot in the past myself), but one of the things I really enjoyed about the competition is that people offered specifics. Not just ‘communicate’ but ‘here’s HOW to communicate.’

One of my fave bloggers Emilia Romero (her Twitter account is on hold for now, but that link takes you to a new one) put it simply and powerfully: ask for what you want.

The Big Gay Review leaned in to some specifics around the hotness of establishing consent with a ‘may I?’ (and he’s right, of course: there are few things hotter on this Earth than a raised-eyebrow-horny-looked ‘may I?’ at the perfect moment).

Robyn highlighted that communication doesn’t just happen during sex – pre-fuck comms is important (and very sexy) too:

Kelvin Sparks (whose blog is incredible, please do check it out) gave some great prompts for conversations you could have outside the bedroom, helping you understand both yours and your partners’ desire on a deeper level.

Faye pointed out (again, EXTREMELY CORRECTLY) that moans and gasps are valuable communication tools too…

And there were other amazing people like Valery North and A Gray reminding us that it’s OK to have a laugh while we’re doing it…

Hell yes.

Best sex tips: make yourself comfortable

Behind the scenes on a porn shoot, you’d likely see a lot of cups of water. Plus tonnes of lube, mugs of tea, snacks and other basic delights. This is because everyone needs breaks sometimes when they’re shagging, and although you won’t see the cut scenes in porn, in your own sex life it’s important to remember that you don’t have to power through discomfort. You’re not putting on a performance, you’re doing something together!

Mudkri made this point really well:

“Visual online porn alone is not sex ed. It is one tool at your disposal. Learn to read and access books and other media not strictly porn to learn about yourself, your partners, bodies and emotions. Well informed is well rounded.”

And in terms of comfort specifics, Focused & Filthy managed to wrap a comfort break tip very neatly into the #PGSexTips hashtag…

… as well as point out that comfort is important for penis-owners too!

Find a condom that fits, people! You can buy a selection of condoms from the Pleasure Garden website, and check out this amazing guest blog to understand why finding the right fit could make your own sex much more fun.

Nimue Allen and Marshmallow Enby both highlighted the importance of positioning and comfort: pillows and cushions ftw!

There are also position enhancers on the market (slings, wedges, cushions etc) that can help you achieve the positions you want to comfortably. Check out the Pleasure Garden site for some examples!

And Spencer Pritchard (whose sexy work you can hear read as audio here on this very site) reminds us all of a lesson I could do with properly internalising – you do not need to power through the burn.

Best sex toy tips

Naturally, I’m a fan of sex toys, and I know how beautifully they can enhance a good fuck.

Tess points out that they don’t have to be the main event, they can work in beautiful harmony with what your bodies are doing…

We Fear Nothing highlights that they’re neither compulsory to use nor something to be scared of:

And Samson explains that you definitely don’t need to feel threatened by them: fucktoys are your friend!

If you want to pick up some sex toys of your own (or just browse around with your partner(s) and kick off some horny chats about what might be on your Christmas wish lists), I’d love it if you could support my site – and the incredible people who sponsor it and keep this all going – by bookmarking the fabulous, inclusive Pleasure Garden and grabbing something sexy from there. Use the code GOTN10 for 10% off, and if you want specific recommendations, here are a few of my faves:

  • Zumio – just absolutely one of the best precision clit stim toys that I have ever had the pleasure of trying.
  • Sassy – a surprise entry into the ‘holy fuck THAT’s what g-spot stim is meant to feel like’ category of sex toys.
  • Doxy 3 – a modern take on a stone-cold classic.
  • Fleshlight Stamina & Quickshot – dick toys that do exactly what I need them to do.
  • Tenga AirTech – likewise, though I’m a big fan of any and all Tenga, to be honest: gimme a willing dick and a pile of these and I’ll be happy for at least a week.
  • Silicone cock rings – I’m including these because I don’t just want to recommend pricey branded toys. One of the most valuable staples in my sex toy kit is a selection of humble, and simple, silicone cock rings, in varying sizes.
  • They also have a lot of bondage kit, but that I’m going to let you select on your own because frankly it depends on how you’d like to be tied up and spanked. Or vice versa.

You should also check out the brand new selection of gender expression products they’ve got in stock, read their blog for fabulous advice and guides on sexy products and how to use them, and of course go check out their post to see who won the comp.


This post isn’t exactly sponsored by The Pleasure Garden, by which I mean that although they sponsor my site I don’t think I’m contractually obliged to write it. I just loved your best sex tips so much I wanted to pull out a few common themes, and realised it gave me an excellent excuse to plug this awesome company. Seriously, one of the best, and the sex industry is lucky to have ‘em. Bookmark the site, follow them on Twitter, and use GOTN10 for 10% off.

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