Guest blog: Gender-affirming ways to fuck as a woman with a penis

Image by the brilliant Stuart F Taylor

As I mentioned last week, I had a whole bunch of amazing pitches in for International Women’s Day, so here on the blog it’s going to be International Women’s… month and a bit, until about mid-April. YAY. Today’s fabulous guest blog hits two of my absolute favourite things, genuinely useful and cool education plus outrageously horny sex ideas. Jenny – who blogs at SymTrkl here and posts on Mastodon here – is a trans woman and sexually creative badass, and she’s here to share with you some top tips on overcoming gender dysphoria in the bedroom. Basically, how to embrace your femininity while fucking as a woman with a penis. Take it away Jenny…

Gender-affirming ways to fuck as a woman with a penis

It can be hard to feel feminine when having sex as a woman with a penis. Not all trans women dislike having a “hyperclitoris,” and a few of us even want to keep it around when we get bottom surgery. It can be a hard thing to unpack, just like every other aspect of figuring out our gender and becoming ourselves, but because of the way we’re often sexualized or fetishized, it doesn’t often get talked about in public.

The first and most important thing to realize is that a lot of our hangups about this are rooted in the cisnormative assumption that a penis is always masculine, and a vagina is always feminine. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course. Laying on top of my partner, feeling our breasts mashed together as my clit fills her pussy, or being ridden until I’m desperate to climax, hearing her whisper “be a good girl and come for me” into my ear as she buries my entire length inside her? How is that any different from a cis girl wearing a strap-on?

Letting go of all that baggage, just letting myself be a woman during sex, regardless of what I have between my legs or how I’m using it, is one of the most beautifully gender-affirming things I’ve ever experienced. But it took a lot of work to get there, and a lot of creativity with my partner to avoid tweaking my gender dysphoria.

Just because you have a cock doesn’t mean that you have to top with it; my partner and I have done some amazing things that don’t involve penetration at all. For example, instead of a blowjob, I prefer for her to lick just the head of my clit, flicking her tongue over it the same way she would a cis woman’s. A wand vibrator against my clit is also wonderful; teasing the head, tracing along the sensitive underside of the shaft… Or both, using the wand on my clit while she licks the head, it’s so hot that I’m squirming in my chair just thinking about it. And one of my absolute favorite things to do with a vibe is to hold it against my shaft and rub the head of my clit on hers. This is especially useful for someone who would otherwise go numb from vibrators, since the indirect vibrations passing through my clit are softer, and I love teasing her over the edge that way, again and again, until she’s absolutely drenched me.

A girl can also have a lot of fun grinding her clit on things, regardless of whether it’s a cute little button or a long hard hyperclit. Your options are only limited by your imagination; I once got my partner off grinding my shoulder into her. And this can be especially gender-affirming for femme folks: picture me laying on a bed face down, with my partner straddling me and grinding her pussy against the swell of my ass, forcing me into the bed with each thrust, my face getting driven into the mattress, gasping and moaning and drooling as she comes on me, soaking me and making me think submissive thoughts about getting bred. I’ve never had a physical orgasm from doing this, but it does tend to give me a bunch of delicious little mental climaxes. We’ve also done the same with me on my back with my partner between my spread legs, grinding her clit on the spot where my vagina will be, fucking my pussy hard and fast as my mind goes blank. This can be intense; the first time we tried it, I got so overwhelmed that I actually started sobbing afterward.

(Remember, aftercare is always important: a compassionate partner lets their trans girl curl up on their lap after they brainfuck her so hard it makes her cry)

But what if you do want to top? Something I’ve found very helpful is to change our position so that it doesn’t feel like I’m thrusting something phallic into my partner, and scissoring our legs together works beautifully for that. The motion tends to become more “rocking” than “thrusting,” and on top of the gender feelings it can elicit, it stimulates my clit in a very different way than topping usually does. For a long while, this was actually the only way I could finish while topping my partner – not that I need to have an orgasm for it to be a fulfilling session, but it’s nice when I do.

The way that works most consistently for us is for her to lay on her side with her lower leg straight and her upper leg raised up against my chest, while I straddle her lower leg and bury myself to the hilt inside her and start rocking my hips. Her leg rubs that magic spot where my pussy will be, while her pussy rubs against some of the most sensitive parts of my clit. This is fairly gentle stimulation, and I find it works best when I keep a slow, steady rhythm, rocking back and forth, building myself up, holding myself on the edge for as long as I possibly can, and not stopping when I come, dragging the sensations out until I collapse into a twitching, cum-drunk puddle in her arms.

But the most interesting thing about all this is that the more I did it, the less I needed to. Exploring all these different ways to feel like a woman during sex helped me be more comfortable with my body: a woman’s body, with a woman’s penis. And even when I’m having sex in ways that used to feel very masculine-coded, I still feel feminine now; I’m a woman, so any way I have sex is having sex “like a woman would,” after all.

But seriously, try that scissoring thing out, you will not regret it.


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