Join me on a journey of self-discovery and intensely powerful shagging as I take part in a challenge that scared the shit out of me: making eye contact for the entire duration of a fuck.
About a month ago, Chuck – one of the lovely people who supports me on Patreon – suggested a challenge. I don’t always accept sex challenges from people, because I’m always a bit worried that if I do too much of this my blog basically just turns into chronicles of me humping for clickbait rather than actually having the sex I love. But this one was so intriguing and brilliant I couldn’t resist leaping at the chance to try it. The challenge?
“Fuck with your eyes wide open.”
There was some other stuff in the email, of course, but essentially I interpreted this as a challenge to keep my eyes wide open and – unlike in most shags where my view would mostly be of the ceiling or the wall or the living room carpet – maintain eye contact with my partner while we were doing it.
Deep breath, stay calm, don’t panic: this eye contact experiment was actually powerfully brilliant and deeply sexy. But before we get to the good bit we have to get over the hardest part, which is that…
Eye contact during sex is awkward as fuck
I am not really one for making eye contact during sex – I make eye contact during blow jobs sometimes but I prefer not to have to make eye contact when I’m getting head myself. If I’m honest with my anxious, panicking self I’m not really one for eye contact during conversations outside the bedroom either. I find my eyes wandering away from someone’s face, and if they look too deeply into my eyes I end up worried about what they’ll see reflected back. Am I looking interested enough? Happy enough? Do my eyes betray that tick-tick-tick of anxious panic that’s roiling in my chest?
Eye contact is tricky. That’s not to say that I don’t do it, just that I have rarely ever done it without being painfully self-aware that that’s what I’m doing. Consciously making eye contact is like consciously breathing: you know it should be easy because you do it automatically all the time, but as soon as you think about it you suddenly become aware of all the muscles you’re using to maintain it and what was previously automatic is now somehow deliberate. And laboured. And hard.
I only tell you this because it’s part of why I picked up the gauntlet on the eye contact challenge. Generally if people tell me to try a sex thing, it’ll either be something that I’ve already done/thought about or something I’d never pull off in a million years. This one, though, had the perfect combination of being challenging and also an intriguing experiment – a bit like that time we used Facetime to watch close-ups of our genitals while we fucked. What would actually happen if my partner and I tried to keep looking into each other’s eyes for the entire duration of a fuck? Would we dissolve into giggles ten seconds in? Would we find it so awkward we had to stop having sex at all? Would he refuse to take part in the eye contact challenge at all on the grounds that he didn’t want to just fuck me for content?
The answer to all of these questions is ‘no’, and the results of the eye contact challenge were SO MUCH BETTER than I thought they’d be. Let’s begin.
Eye contact: fuck me like you want to see me crumble
After weeks of nerves and uncertainty, I was pretty surprised to find that the eye-contact fuck was easy to initiate. Normally I’m very bad at seduction: apparently it doesn’t count as ‘foreplay’ if I casually whisper “can I see your dick?” while my partner’s playing Xbox. But occasionally I manage to nail it, and give him the kind of foreplay he can really get involved in: lots of kissing and touching and pressing my own naked skin against his until he’s as hard as he can get and ready to moan in just the right way when I finally touch his cock.
He was in this state when I asked him if he wanted to try the eye contact thing, and he grinned and kissed me: eyes wide open.
It felt very strange, like my kisses were being scrutinised. Normally a kiss is just a kiss. And a kiss with someone I’ve known for this long is natural and easy. This time, though, I was much more aware of everything I was doing – the placement of my lips, the pressure with which I kissed him, the sounds we made as we squished together and pulled apart… everything. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t awkward, but I wouldn’t be telling the whole truth if I told you that ‘awkward’ was all there was to it. There was something thrillingly kinky about it too – locking my eyes on his while I ran my hands over his chest and down towards his cock. While I pinched his nipples and he used soft fingers to play with my wet clit. Although we were just as alone as we usually are when we fuck, the eye contact made me feel observed in a way I don’t normally feel. It fired the same excitement as I’ve felt before getting spanked in front of strangers at a club, though this time there were no strangers: just the two of us.
When I got too horny to not have his dick inside me any more, I pulled him over on top of me and he pushed my legs back as far as they’d go. With only a very brief break in eye contact for him to guide himself in, he started fucking me. And that first stroke of the fuck took at least ten seconds, as he eased himself in centimetre by centimetre – slowly so he could watch my eyes grow wider with each slight movement of his cock.
We’re still awkward right now, so we both grin a little. We both make slightly more ‘ooh yes I’m enjoying this’ faces than we normally would. Because we’ve both agreed that we’ll watch the whole thing, each of us makes a conscious effort to show just exactly how much we’re enjoying it.
We fuck like this for a while – intense and slow and with direct eye contact throughout. Occasionally I catch myself – or him – letting our eyes wander down the other person’s body so we can see the sexy action, and each time we wrench ourselves away from the view of each other’s naked flesh and settle instead for the eyes.
My boyfriend has blue/grey eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that, have I? I don’t think I ever think about it, save the occasions when he wears a really striking blue t-shirt that somehow manages to change his eye colour to match. But I don’t think I’ve ever looked into them for this long: just taken the time to stare deeply at them and watch the way they shine. And the way they are darker than I ever thought before. And how they are deeper than infinity. Honestly, I’d not anticipated this turning into a romance novel – that’s not really our style.
Still awkward, but horny. He starts fucking me harder and I wince a little at the force of it, which both of us like: we grin and experience that rare joy of knowing that someone else ‘gets’ this in exactly the same way you do. I squeeze my cunt tight around his cock and he dives in for one deep, long stroke, shuddering with pleasure at the feeling of me clenching hard around him.
We’re hovering somewhere around romance and lovemaking, and I’m surprised to find that I enjoy it more than I thought I would. But the way he shudders when he plunges his dick in so deeply reminds me that this would be a fairer test of the power of eye contact if we could try it while we fuck like we usually would: vigorous, hard and aggressive.
“How about I bend over and you fuck me in front of the mirror?”
He doesn’t refuse: he pulls out, kneels up and nods, without ever taking his eyes off me. In fact, for the remainder of the fuck, he breaks eye contact only once: to look down and guide his cock into my cunt. Once he’s done this he grips my hips and stares at me, pausing for only a second or two as if to ask whether I’m ready.
I definitely am.
When he initially agreed to do the eye contact challenge I expected it to be awkward. I expected to only sort-of enjoy it, because maintaining full eye contact would be so distracting and cringeworthy that neither of us could concentrate enough to orgasm. If pressed, I’d have predicted a slightly experimental shag, that either had to end before either of us was satisfied or morph into the kind of sex we normally have, with very little eye contact but a hell of a lot of moaning.
What I wouldn’t have expected was that I would find myself aching with lust as I stared into his eyes in the mirror at the foot of our bed, choking ‘please please please’ as I trembled on the edge of a powerful orgasm. Looking directly at him made me feel vulnerable and small. Fucking doggy style enhanced this, because I have to technically look up to meet his gaze, the way I would when I make eye contact during a blow job. It makes me feel submissive and controlled and all the stuff I love to feel in bed. Best of all, though, I get to watch his face – frowning, biting his lip, pursing his lips, gritting his teeth, growing red and hot with the effort of fucking me so hard…
And all the while he’s staring at me in return: looking deep into my eyes as he reaches two hands out to hold my neck, yanking me back onto his dick with a confident, easy grip. Feeling his grip tighten and my cunt twitch around him as he gets closer and closer to coming. Slamming in and out of me, staring at me, blurring the rest of the world into nothing compared to those blue/grey eyes.
When I accepted the eye contact challenge I was nervous because I associated eye contact with gentle, passionate lovemaking – not the kind of sex I usually get into. But I’d forgotten that ‘eye contact’ can mean a lot of things. An intense stare deep into your lover’s eyes can mean ‘I adore you’, but it can equally mean something much more appropriate to my kinks: ‘you are in serious trouble, missy.’
So when he puts his hands round my throat and fucks me good and hard in front of the mirror, staring down at me with dark eyes and a horny frown like I’ve been really really bad, I feel every single nerve inside me thrill with submissive desire.
I look up at him, matching his gaze, and squeezing the last drops of spunk from him as he comes heavily inside me.
And I feel everything.
And I love this.
And I wonder why I have ever been afraid.