Today’s guest blog is something a little different, because I really want to introduce you to the fabulous person behind The Pleasure Garden – an awesome ethical sex toy shop that sponsors my website. If you’d like to buy stuff you can use the code GOTN10 for 10% off anything they stock, but I’m not trying to actively sell you anything here, I just wanted to introduce you to someone cool: Francesca Cross, who runs it. I have written about a number of fantastic Pleasure Garden products over the years, from restraints kits to g-spot vibes, and door cuffs to doppelganger dicks. And whenever I have a catch-up with Francesca to talk about what I could review next, we always end up in a fascinating sidebar about the challenges involved in trying to carve an ethical path through the adult industry: how to improve accessibility, how to make sure the toys in stock are body safe, how to write copy for websites in a way that is inclusive and never shaming. I thought you lot might like to see a glimpse behind the scenes, and meet someone awesome who is working to do exactly that. So I interviewed Francesca! Grab a cup of tea and learn about running an ethical sex toy shop in the UK…
What made you decide to open The Pleasure Garden?
There are a couple of reasons! I really wanted to make a change from what I was doing, which was working in fundraising. It can be a great job but I was feeling burnt out and stifled. I had recently got into reading sex positive bloggers (such as yourself) and reviewers like Oh Joy Sex Toy and was first really shocked at how lacking mainstream knowledge was around sex toys and pleasure and second really inspired by some of the people and retailers out there who were trying to make a difference.
I started looking around for a UK based retailer who met the kind of inclusive and body safe practices I was seeing from shops in the states and couldn’t find what I was looking for, especially around accessibility and disability inclusion. So I thought… If other people can do it, why can’t I! About 6 months later I launched the shop.
What are the biggest challenges in the UK sex toy industry at the moment?
Unfortunately one of the big ones personally at the moment is the ever changing landscape of import duties, tariffs and regulations. Post-Brexit and now with all sorts of international trade regulations changing constantly it is really hard to bring in the good quality brands that I want to bring to a UK audience.
Similarly selling internationally has become basically cost prohibitive and so the market has shrunk as well. When you are a small business, like the Pleasure Garden is, even small changes in costs can really hit hard.
How do you decide which products to stock and which to avoid? And which are your bestsellers (or personal recommendations)?
Before I even started the shop I knew that the types of products I stocked would be guided by a set of principles. At the bare minimum I have a body safety policy – so all the products that I sell meet a high standard of safety. This means everything that goes inside bodies is made of non-porous materials which can be safely sanitised, and the few porous toys I sell (for example some penis strokers which are made of TPE) have detailed information on the product listing of how they can be safely used and cleaned. Similarly I have a list of excluded ingredients for lubes, such as glycerin, which is in loads of brands but can cause yeast infections. Some lubes can actually be really harsh on your body’s PH and even cause burning or irritation! I recently had to remove one of my best selling lubes from the site after I realised it no longer met my requirements… momentarily a tough decision, but when there are much safer alternatives, it was the only choice!
Deciding what to stock for me is a balancing act, I want to create a curated collection of great quality products but that hit a range of price points (cost is an access issue!). With the goal of accessibility and inclusivity I really try to support brands that are also aligned with that mission – New York Toy Collective, Hot Octopuss, Sportsheets and Rocks Off come to mind as brands who have really done a lot to create mainstream, accessible products. I also want to bring things to the UK that are hard to get otherwise, for example the New York Toy Collective Trans Masc pump!
The more I think about it, I think my niche hits the spot of people who have, or want to have sex that often falls outside the heteronormative way of doing things and I love that! Bring me the people who want to strap on (I recommend the Spareparts Joque, perhaps coupled with a BananaPants Dildo cushion!), explore their kinks (Under the Bed Restraint system anyone?) and learn what they and their partners love.
You mention cost as an access issue – could you elaborate a little on that please? I don’t think we talk about it enough, especially in the context of sex – toys, events, etc.
Absolutely! When people think of inclusivity and accessibility the tendency is to think of physical access, such as the shape of toys or whether something has handles, straps or a remote and things like using inclusive language (all of which is important). But one area that often gets overlooked is cost as an access issue – particularly when it comes to disability. Being disabled is often very expensive and there can often be a mark up on specifically ‘accessible’ products. For this reason I work hard to try and stock a range of products at a range of price points, while still focusing on quality.
Is there anything you wish you’d known when you began trading?
Not to be afraid to reach out to people to make connections. It took me way too long to have the confidence in what I was doing to connect with other like minded people and ask if they wanted to collaborate. The answer is almost always yes!
If you had to pick one sex product (or genre of products) that’s underrated, what would it be? And are there any that you wish other shops would stop selling?
That is such a tricky question… I think simplicity is sometimes underrated. People often want something with all the bells and whistles because it seems like ‘More vibration/things that wiggle and thrust = More pleasure’. That is so often not the case! A simple, rechargeable, rumbly vibrator such as the Je Joue Mimi or the WeVibe Tango or Touch X is a brilliant place for almost anyone with a clitoris to start to get to know their body and can really bring a lot to their sex life…
If there was one thing I would ban – it would be anything marketed towards anal pleasure that does not have a large enough base! I shall just leave the word ‘upsuck’ here for you to contemplate.
Also most rabbit vibrators suck. If they don’t have a flexible neck on the outside stimulator (which many don’t), unless your anatomy perfectly fits the toy it will be disappointing!
If you could teach everyone in the world one thing about sex/bodies/relationships, what would it be and why?
So hard to just choose one thing! I think the biggest thing I would recommend to people is to take the time to learn what you like. Sit and think about it and explore different sensations and fantasies. If you are looking for connection and pleasure in a partnership with someone else, it can be great to start from a place of confidence about what you enjoy.
On top of that, if it doesn’t feel safe to talk with your partner about what brings you pleasure and to learn what they enjoy, it would certainly give me pause if they are the right person to be with.
Also – use good quality lube… its great and something everyone should have in their bedside drawer!
Huge thanks to Francesca for indulging me on this one! I hope you enjoyed getting a little peek behind the scenes. As always, if you are in the market for sex toys, please do consider browsing through my sponsors’ websites – doing so directly supports my work, and I try hard to make sure I get a mix of companies you can buy from whose approach/products I genuinely rate. The Pleasure Garden sets a really high standard for ethics and inclusivity in the UK sex toy market, and I am so delighted I get to work with them! Use code GOTN10 for 10% off, and come follow them on BlueSky too!
If you’re curious about my favourite product The Pleasure Garden stocks, I think the one I’ve had most fun with is the clone-a-willy kit. Terrible name, incredible product. Not only did I have tonnes of fun in the creation of it, I also later attached it to a sex machine so my partner could watch, mesmerised, as this copy of his cock slid inside me. Later we did something even weirder and cooler with it. Unrivalled fun. Immortalise your favourite cock today!